So this just happened last week and I’m really upset about it. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl a few months ago, I was struggling with a lot of body image issues so I went back to the gym as soon as I could and although I’m not back to having the body I used to I don’t cringe every time I look in the mirror anymore, or at least I didn’t. Last weekend my fiancé and I were going to the beach with some friends, I was really excited because it’s the first no baby outing that we’ve had together since kiddo was born. I bought a really cute baby blue bikini for the outing and was actually feeling good about myself. I was trying it one before we went and asked my fiancé what he thought. He looked me up and down and asked if it was supposed to be some kind of statement or something and that he wasn’t sure if I should wear it. I asked what he meant and he started pointing out my stretch marks and said that the bikini seemed a little tight. He said people were probably going to stare at me and not in the way I was used to since my body isn’t back to the way it was and if I was ready for that.
I got a little teary eyed so he hugged me, he let me know that in his eyes I would always be sexy, but that his friends and other people at the beach probably wouldn’t see me the same way, he told me he knows I’m used to being seen as the hot girl of the group but that right now that wasn’t the case and didn’t want me to start feeling self conscious while we were out because it was a whole day trip and didn’t want me to ruin it with my body image issues. I’m not proud but I decided to change into a one piece that covered up a lot more because of what he said. Ever since then I’ve been kind of side eyeing my fiancé. He tells me I’m just being sensitive and he was being honest. I know he is the kind of guy who doesn’t sugar coat things and speaks his mind but still I feel like it was a total asshole thing to say to me. I feel like my confidence is in the dumpster again and even though he keeps reassuring me he will always be attracted to me I just feel gross and disgusting. I started fixating on my weight again and he’s been supportive of me hitting the gym more to work off the rest of the pregnancy weight. Everyday he tells me how I’m making so much progress and how he is proud of how much work I’m putting in at the gym but I feel like I lost some confidence in him. I haven’t told him any of this yet, just wondering what everyone’s thoughts are on this? Is this the kind of issue that goes away after time or is there some work we have to do with each other so I can be completely comfortable with him?
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To be honest girl, you just had a baby and you are taking care of yourself and trying to be healthy!! Yes he can be honest but that was not the right way to put it!! You bought that bikini to feel good for your trip post baby, he should be supportive of that no matter what anyone else thinks. And let me be clear babe, none of his friends even said that, that’s just his assumption. Just because you had a baby doesn’t mean you can’t be comfortable in your own skin. He should not have made those remarks and should’ve been more conscious to how you feel especially after just having a baby!! Keep your head up lovely girl, I’m hoping you feel better about this soon!!
This man needs to be demoted to ex.
He’s negging you to keep your self esteem down so you will listen to him because you’ll believe that you don’t deserve better.
He’s a controlling asshole. Imagine him talking this way to your hypothetical daughter or even a friend. This man is toxic
Ew. He’s assuming the opinions of other people. The only way to find out is to do it and wear the bikini. He should be ur cheerleader
I don’t sugarcoat things either. Your fiancé is a moron and those words should never have left his mouth
i think you should definitely bring up how you feel, there are some things that can pass by with a significant other that’s more open about thoughts and doesn’t sugar coat things but when it comes to insecurities that’s just something you might have to talk about with him to straighten out what’s a boundary to say and what’s not. if he doesn’t understand then that’s his loss, i’m sure your body is beautiful and pregnancy is a beautiful step in life that you shouldn’t be ashamed of the body you were given after. keep reminding yourself of your worth and how beautiful you are because YOU ARE! i understand how hard it can be with self image as i have the same problems but you can get through it and learn to love the new body you were given.
His mask is slipping. Also a lot of people who don’t sugar coat things are usually bullies.
I always give the option. My honest opinion or not. I would never out right say certain things. Common sense. You should be proud of yourself for giving birth and even more proud to show off your body as you see fit. Those stretch marks are signs of a journey in itself. I hope you drop the man. Him saying that you’re used to being hot girl and how you’re basically not is his way of making you more insecure.
Keep looking for red flags.
Not the right fiancé, not the right friends.
You just carried his child. The stretch marks? Battle scars for happiness.
If you want to save the relationship, you should verbalise your feelings and you both need therapy.
I lost 244 pounds (used to be 400). I have excess skin and I had to learn that whatever I wear, I’m gorgeous.
Be with someone who not only will think you are gorgeous, but will also kick their friend’s butt for any damn comment over any bikini.
Your fiancee can be that person if he’s willing to.
Be happy et congrats for the healthy baby!
Wow, he is a real creep. You grew his baby, and he has the audacity to shame you for stretch marks? Yikes.
That isn’t him being honest. That is him being a jerk and intentionally trying to make you feel worse so he feels better.
Tell him that you have lost confidence in him. And, honestly, anyone who said something like that to me would not be seeing me naked again for a reeeeeaaaalllly long time, if ever. He needs to be so much better.
I might get slammed here, but by the sounds of it, he’s usually thoughtful and gives honest answers. You asked him a question, and he gave an honest answer without sugar coating it. You literally said he’s the guy who speaks his mind and doesn’t sugarcoat things.
I’m assuming you have some stretch marks, and you stated you’d gained weight – both perfectly natural post baby and absolutely nothing to be ashamed about or hide.
I dont think he body shamed you. I think he answered honestly.
He sounds like he’s supporting your fitness journey. But you need to talk to him about how you feel. You’re letting this fester. I dont think he meant any harm. Dont let this ruin your relationship.
Bodies change over time. Especially from kids. Are you planning on having more? What if you have to take a medication that causes weight gain? Or get injured and lose some mobility?
In the long term, people age. Does he have realistic expectations for that process, or is he going to shame you for the inevitable?
This sounds like something you’ll have to talk about
He asked if you were trying to make a statement?!
What an asshole.
Honestly what a devastating and completely unnecessary comment. You give birth to his child and he needs to body shame when you start feeling good about yourself.
There is zero chance in hell any of his friends would have said anything critical about your body. Everyone on earth knows that women go through a ton with a pregnancy and you should never show them anything but support and love- except for your fiancée apparently.
I’d be super honest and say that this has really made you reflect on his empathy and kindness. Anything but the most heartfelt apology ever is not enough.
Eww, I can’t believe he said that! You should not have covered up. Show off those stretch marks proudly. So what if you’re not model skinny? I bet you still looked beautiful. I don’t think I would forgive my husband if he said something like that
He was thinking only about himself. He sees you as his trophy. And now “oh no, his trophy isn’t perfect looking now. Embarrasing to him.” So yeah, I’m sorry OP you have this crp as a father of your baby. What a ps of sht.
My gawd he totally just negged you. He wants to keep you down. This is completely his own insecurity. Don’t be with someone who puts you down even in the name of “being honest”
You literally grew a human inside of you and that’s what he says? Absolutely not ok. I can guarantee that no one would’ve said anything about your body since they know you just gave birth.
Your fiancé isn’t ready to be a husband.
Bodies change. They change quite a bit after pregnancy. Some changes are permanent. Did you ask your boyfriend how you looked because you wanted positive feedback, or did you ask because you were debating if you should wear it?
This is important. You asked him the question, knowing he always gives you his honest opinion. Which he did. That isn’t body shaming. It is an opinion, which you asked for. If you were unsure, I would suggest taking a photo of yourself and judging it accordingly.
Personally, I wouldn’t ask him going forward. If you feel confident and like it, that is all you need.
Even athletic and skinny men get stretchmarks. Are we still pretending we don’t understand how the human body works?
Your fiancée is an idiot. He can be honest without hurting you. Please don’t push yourself to “snap back”. Enjoy your body with every change and ensure you have a healthy diet. You will be just fine.
Hugs 🤗
I don’t think he’s beyond hope but God damn what a heartless thing to say. It’s clear he doesn’t get it. Is he willing to get it? That’s what you gotta figure out. Because at this point it’s not just about you, it’s about your daughter too. Is he going to body shame her and make her feel like shit if she doesn’t fit the mold he imagines for her? Is that something you want her exposed to?
No women has exactly the same body before they had kids. Things move, shift or stretch. First, you are a warrior who grew a child and brought life into this world. If your husband doesn’t appreciate your body then he should marry a Barbie who’s never going to change and never have kids or get old. He needs to figure out what his issue is.
A proud husband should have said “Baby you look great” and he shouldn’t care what others think.
Just being honest is an often an excuse for being a heartless, self-absorbed, love trampling dick.
Stretch marks are common, normal and not shameful. You should be angry. He’s being an asshole
Ok.
First of all, YOU didn’t have body issues when this all happened. You had just bought a new bikini. HE IS THE ONE who had issues with your body.
Then you started going to the gym more to please him.
But you have missed what is glaringly obvious and you need to address it with him.
He said that you are used to being the hot girl of the group but you aren’t any more. That means that HE thinks that at least one of the other girls in the group is hotter than you. He’s looking at at least one other woman in your friend group and calling her hot. THIS is far more important than losing 3 more pounds for someone who stamped all over your self esteem.
He’s concerned “his friends” won’t find you as hot, and that will reflect poorly on him. I’m sorry you tied yourself to this asshole with a baby.
He probably saw you as a beauty trophy, besides other qualities. Now that your body has changed (of course!) and you both are parents of a beautiful child, he’s insecure. Wear bikinis that you want and sorry, f*ck his feelings. Life is not a runway show.
His opinion on what other people’s opinions would be are his real thoughts.
Don’t let anyone alter your self image. You’re probably still gorgeous! You deserve better.
“I don’t sugar coat things” is so often said by unrepentant assholes who take no accountability for the impact of their words on others that at this point if they say it, the preponderance of the evidence leads me to believe they are, in fact, not good people.
updateme
I like your boyfriend not
Lose him you deserve better
A bikini body is one in a bikini.
Also your friends and etc are FRIENDS?! They’re not friends with you cause of your body wtf. They value YOU!
Women who have babies have stretch marks, this isn’t news and it’s not even noticable. You’re still the hot girl, it’s a mindset not a defined thing lol.
Anyways that was rude ASF of him.
Honestly what a f*ucking asshole lmao, theres no way to say it. He knows you’re struggling, and then he goes and says this? What? Do it for yourself babe, not what everyone is thinking about your body. You just had a baby, don’t kill yourself about it, be proud of your progress 🫶🏻
That was indeed a total asshole thing to say. It sounds like this isn’t his first time saying something rude disguised as “not sugar coating” anything. He’s being controlling and is intentionally making you feel self conscious. He’s being a jerk and negging you. I don’t think honestly there’s any way to talk to him about it and I feel you deserve better.
Yeah he’s a tool.