My girlfriend (20F) has a friend (20M) they met in high school and even living in different cities are somehow close. This guy has been seeing a girl who is in a relationship (yes, he shares almost every single detail and my girlfriend can’t just hold it to herself). Last night she told me (while dying laughing) that her friend and this girl were fucking on hers boyfriend’s bed. Now… the thing is: I don’t find it remotely funny, nor I want to listen to this friend’s cheating behavior. I never really lectured her about enabling his behavior because I don’t even know him (only saw 1 time in person), but I’m starting to remember all those times she told me something about the cheating and it got me thinking “ if she thinks it’s so funny, does she think it’s actually a okay thing to do???”
Today, she told me that they were planning to go out next weekend (only the two of them). I don’t think she noticed but I couldn’t control my disappointment and disgust facial expression. I got really quiet after that and started to remember all those times she told me something similar and I let it slide, I wholeheartedly believe she thinks I don’t really care about this.
Well, for record, I never controlled who/when/where she went out. I never really asked her to not do anything she wants, but this one got me a sick feeling. I want to ask her to end this friendship, but I’m scared because it looks like a control freak’s signature move. How would you guys start a conversation about this? Do you think it’s none of my business so I shouldn’t make any intervention
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I dont think I’d have a conversation. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who condoned it. If you aren’t willing to simply cut it off with gf, I’d just be blunt about it. Im notok with the jokes and Im not ok with you being around those types of friends. I can’t stop you from doing so, but I am not ok with this. Then gaslighting will happen. Your move from there.
Usually people who are alright with their friends cheating are usually alright with cheating themselves. I’d bring it up in a civil manner and explain that you don’t think cheating is alright and what her friend is doing isn’t fine. See how she takes it. Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know about the future of your relationship. Honestly if she thinks it’s hilarious I wouldn’t put much faith in this lasting long term
She’s a cheater too bro
I think you should be honest with her that her approval of this guy’s behavior is making you question her values and views on cheating. She finds something that is deeply disrespectful and harmful to another person funny. That’s concerning for you (rightly so) because it calls into question her character.
Tell her the truth, whatever that is for you- it may be that you don’t want to be in a serious relationship with someone who doesn’t condemn cheating, it may be that you are questioning whether you two are compatible.
I don’t think you need to break up with her, that’s for you to decide. But, I do think you should spend some time really thinking through how her behavior impacts you in your relationship, whether for her (you think less of her) or you (causes you to feel insecure about whether she’s faithful to you). Then tell her.
Um no, it is definitely okay for to tell her you don’t like this friend, I ended my friendship with this girl her disloyalty as a friend but I found out she cheated on a guy and if I was friends with her while finding out I would’ve definitely ended our friendship, I don’t condone cheating, and she shouldn’t be enabling it, and she shouldnt even go on a trip with another guy unless it’s a family member or a trustful friend and we already know that the guy isn’t trustworthy
Huge red flag. You shouldn’t have to have a conversation about whether this is a bad thing or not. It’s bad, she should know this already.
Bro the universe has done you a MASSIVE favor by revealing the poor character that your girlfriend has.
She is literally broadcasting that she thinks cheating, especially in your partners bed, is hilarious.
If you choose to ignore that, whatever happens next is entirely on you.
the people you surround yourself with, is the person you become. your company is a reflection of your own self.
This has as many red flags as a USSR propaganda film.
If she didn’t show any disgust toward the cheating, then she is okay with doing it. I’ve made fun of cheaters and their shenanigans but you always see the disgust in my body language.
It’s not the relationship with the friend that needs to end. It’s your relationship with her that needs to end. You have different values. She’s u your problem, not her cheating friend.
Do you see the hypocrisy in you wanting your girlfriend to end her friendship with a guy who cheats when you yourself are unwilling to end your relationship with a girl who not only condones cheating but takes a perverse pleasure in it? The real problem here isn’t the friendship or even the friend. It’s her. She’s a sicko who has no morals. If you stay with her, you are condoning this immorality every bit as much as she does by not only maintaining her friendship with a cheater, bur yucking it up about it to boot. The world is littered with the metaphorical corpses of people who thought they could have a relationship with someone evil without them ever eventually turning on them. And if you choose to keep lying down with dogs, don’t be surprised when you inevitably wake up with fleas.
You are the company you keep.
I think that her not taking this seriously is a big red flag. She might not take your monogamy seriously. watch out