I’ve been in a kind of on-and-off connection with someone for over a year now. He’s from a different country, and we met at the beginning of last year while we were both on vacation in the same country (Country A), where we both had thought about moving. He said he had feelings for me and wanted to keep things going between us, and he showed a lot of affection in the beginning. I had feelings for him too, so we made a kind of long-distance thing after leaving Country A. We kept in touch over time, but it was never clearly defined and we never became “official,” but we were emotionally involved.
Over time, he brought up ending things more than once, mostly due to communication issues and minor problems related to long distance. Every time, I was hurt deeply. Still, each time we stopped talking, he eventually reached out again. One of the last times, he again said we should stop. But a short time later, when he was traveling and came to Country A (I moved there but happened to be away at the time), he texted me again out of blue and said he wanted to see me. I wasn’t there but told him we both should try to make it happen. Still, he didn’t really show much effort, and we didn’t meet and things were left hanging.
Fast forward to recently — I accidentally found out he’s already with someone else on social media. There are photos of him being with this girl on vacation in country A, and the timeline overlaps with when he last texted me. I was shocked, because he never told me anything about seeing someone. I had planned a trip to another country (Country B) before he texted me, and to my surprise, he happened to also have plans to go there, just a bit later. I suggested he go to Country B earlier, and he at first said maybe. But just a few days later when I brought up the idea again, he flat-out said no, and his tone kind of changed, cold and indifferent. Now I can’t stop wondering if that was why.
I feel so awful. I’m not in a great place right now in general, and this just hit harder than expected. I know I wasn’t fully committed either because of the confusion and uncertainty around this relationship. The way he just suddenly and casually appeared again after saying we should stop… it really messes with me.
I don’t know if I should I reach out one last time to ask what this really was, or it is pointless and I should just walk away for good? Is there any part of this where continuing makes sense?
TL;DR:
Had an on-and-off long-distance thing for over a year. He kept coming back after saying we should end it. Found out recently he was seeing someone else while still texting me, and now they are together. Now I’m hurt, angry, and confused.
Comments
why would you suggest meeting up when you know he’s with someone??? y’all were never committed/serious so he is allowed to do what he wants honestly. if you want closure, reach out & ask. if not, leave it be & block him.
You were the second choice but his first choice worked out. Now you work on moving on. You’re not going to get the closure you want from him so I wouldn’t bother to reach out. Keep yourself busy, see friends, engage in hobbies, and take care of yourself (eat and drink water regularly).