We’ve been dating for 2 years and had sex for the first time a couple months ago. She was a virgin and I wasn’t so obviously we took it slow and used a ton of lube and she kept telling me how much it “really fucking hurt” but she never cried. The first few times she decided that riding me was easiest for her because gravity was doing most of the work to get me in but one day we tried missionary and she just burst into tears.
I pulled out immediately and started comforting her asking if I was being to rough or anything and she just kept saying no and that she didn’t know why she was crying. It took a while for her to calm down and we didn’t do anything for the rest of the night. I asked her again a few days later if she was SURE it didn’t hurt and she just said it felt fine.
We tried again the week after. She rode me again for a while and things were going really smooth and then she said she wanted to try backshots and of course I was up for it. A couple strokes in and she starts whining a bit and (this is really embarrassing please don’t clown on me) but I covered her mouth thinking it would turn her on a little (idk she liked being choked while we were making out so I took a leap of faith) and she just started shaking her head and crying.
So again I stopped, comforted her and asked what was going on. All she could say was that she didn’t know. Recently we had sex in missionary again and she didn’t cry but she was very clearly holding back tears. The most descriptive feeling she can give me is that it just “feels wrong” but I don’t really know what to do with that. Was it the angle I was going at? Was it the act of sex itself? I still don’t know.
Has anyone dealt with something like this before? Can any women (or experienced guys) give me any possible reasons why she could be crying? This isn’t breakup worthy, I’m just worried.
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Maybe she needs to speak to her doctor.
She’s just too intimidated, you can tell her it’s okay , maybe give it a pause , she’ll want to do it eventually .
She catholic?
She needs to see her gynecologist and if they can’t figure it out, a therapist after.
Clinical psychologist and pelvic floor therapy. Try doggy style or prone bone. That won’t hurt. Or spooning.
She needs to talk to her gynecologist. Also she needs to not let them blow it off because sadly women’s pain is often not taken seriously. She could have an ovarian cyst, fibroid, or endometriosis. She could also need pelvic floor therapy.
There was times like that when I first started coincidentally also at 22. It can be nerve wracking and overwhelming at first or just too much intimacy too soon. I also struggled with insecurity around my body which didnt help. Just give her time, she will get there. I now enjoy it a lot and don’t have those feelings, just took some time
When she says it “feels wrong” is she talking physically or emotionally?
Could be something medical.
Just to rule it out, you guys have plenty of foreplay, right?
Honest question: in however long it takes her to figure this out, even though you don’t sound like you’ve done anything wrong, what’s your chances of getting associated with the bad crying sex and getting dumped regardless? Cause reading this I can see that happening.
She should see a doctor.
There could be some deeply buried trauma there and a doctor can recommend a therapist.
There are also physical conditions that could lead to the type of discomfort she’s experiencing, and a doctor could recommend a specialist.
hi, i am an experienced(? lol) lesbian who has been the person to cry during sex. mine was trauma related however and i don’t think that’s what’s happening here. it makes sense to be worried about her, and i believe you guys can get through this. i have a few questions for you to try and help you figure this out.
i know you said she’s a virgin, but do you know if your gf masturbates at all? or is your relationship her first sexual experience ever? maybe this is all too new and overwhelming for her if she’s never had any sexual experiences prior to these first few tries. or she may not know her body well enough (sans any solo play) to know what feels good and what doesn’t. maybe this could be related to what “feels wrong” to her.
how is your foreplay before the penetration part of sex? she could be hurting because her muscles downstairs aren’t relaxed enough prior to you literally entering the picture. she might need more time to be /sensual/ with you before she gets /sexual/ with you.
could be suppressed trauma?
Avoid PIV until she can go to a dr. Please, this is either a physical issue or trauma response or both.
You both can be intimate in infinite ways beyond penetration
Done girls get such a feeling they cannot help but be overwhelmed.. i had this one girl who would cry alot and loud, she never wanted to stop. The one day she was riding me after I had licked her for like 20 mins, as she cum she was in tears, her mom bust into the room just as we both cum 😂
Her mum was sooo cool, we were all talking after and she said to her daughter that she also cried when it got too intense and she got used to it and didnt so much…
Also some women do have medical reasons and it really hurts… if she oes not hurt then its prob just overwhelmed, if hurts then get to a dr and start the investigations…
Good luck.
My ex thought flicking the bean for 30 seconds was enough foreplay and would climb on top and go for it. Its selfish. I was not really fully in the mood and ended up feeling totally unsatisfied and frustrated. Foreplay should last a decent amount of time, its helps you feel intimate in your partnership. That your partner actually cares about you and doesn’t just see you as a tool to masturbate with. Hth