I met my gf on hinge and we had our first date in late March this year. We became official by the end of April. At some point she mentioned (after I asked ab her past) that she had one previous relationship before me which lasted from high school and went on and off throughout college. The final break up was October of last year. She describes her past relationship as chaotic and toxic, and said she felt like she had to “walk on eggshells” during it because she felt overbearing at times. She finally walked away from it out of self respect and because she was tired of placing false hope in someone who didnt change. She claims that she “wants nothing to do with him” and that she was traumatized by her previous relationship. However, when I asked her if she still followed him she said yes. She unfollowed him without hesitation when I asked, but this contradiction between her words and actions does not sit right with me. She said that her reason for not unfollowing after the breakup was to show that she was “unaffected by it”. She claims to have not thought about it until I brought it up because he has not posted recently and hasn’t popped up in her feed. She claims to have blocked his number, deleted their photos together, and gotten rid of past gifts. However I don’t know his name, face, or IG handle, and I’m just taking my gf’s word for all of this. This contradiction has eroded the trust I have in her. Which I think is a shame because she otherwise does seem heavily emotionally invested in our relationship and doesn’t seem like she’s trying to hide anything.
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Her explanation for that contradiction makes sense. Wanting to show she is unaffected by it is a reasonable reaction. Maybe she also wanted to keep tabs on him, or simply forgotten. Any of those are reasonable and don’t contradict the fact it was a toxic relationship she needed to leave.
Really though, shitty relationships are the hardest to get over. They leave a lot of emotional baggage that doesn’t always make sense, and can manifest in strange ways. So in my opinion, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt here.
If you’re trying to evaluate her trustworthiness over this completely innocuous choice of hers, you’re never going to trust her, and the relationship is doomed. This is trivial. She’s gonna feel like you’re making her walk on eggshells with you because anything you don’t like can break your trust in her, and she’s gonna feel like she is just repeating her patterns with you. Be better than the ex.
The best way to trust someone is simply to trust them without condition until they give you reason not to, and I don’t consider this reason not to. So either trust her or breakup now and save both of you a lot of pain.
You are being unreasonable. She unfollowed him when you asked her to. You cannot expect her to have chosen to do something previously just because you would have done it that way. Not everyone unfollows their exes, even if they were toxic.
If you don’t trust her, don’t be with her. But she has done literally nothing wrong here and doesn’t deserve to have you freaking out trying to “evaluate her trustworthiness” over something this stupid.
She gave you no reason to lose trust in her. You two had a conversation and she was not defensive, she immediately unfollowed him when you brought it to her attention. There are no red flags here.
Now, if she starts following him again, that’s a reason to question your trust in her.
What you are experiencing is paranoia. She has done nothing to break your trust. Even respected your wishes. What else would you have her do? Read your mind and do exactly what you would have done before discussing it with you? Come on dude. You have a good girl. Be a good partner. Learn to trust