I (M/24) am currently in a relationship with my girlfriend (F/22), about 10 months or so in. We endured a relatively long period of LDR along the way, about 4 months, and we generally have a very healthy relationship, we always update each other on our nights outs with friends, so going to nightclubs or bars and all has usually never been a worry for either of us
She recently got an internship at a prestigious finance firm, and her current department does drinks pretty often. Now usually im okay with this, because she ends up getting back to me and making sure that i know what she’s doing and that she’s safe.
However, last night was the first time in our time together she gave me a legit reason to be concerned. She wen’t dark on me the later part of the night, and this does not sit well with me because I too, work in finance and have friends at other similar shops telling me stories about infidelity.
This morning, i messaged her parents (who are relatively protective ones) to check if they know about her whereabouts, and i was told she was sent back home by her (F) boss a little past midnight
I have also finally received my awaited responses, but she says she does not remember what happened after her last texts to me for the night, including the how she got home. She also drank on an empty-ish stomach which is why her tolerance was exhausted so quickly
I hold accountability relatively close to my core values, and her showing me multiple times in the past that she was capable of being accountable was why we were able to maintain a relatively healthy relationship and friendships. We come from a relatively conservative country if that helps
What’s next? She says she is embarrassed to ask her boss what happened after she blacked out, and we’re supposed to go out today but i am a little out of sorts given this event.
Comments
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Were there any other coworkers there when she got drunk? Female coworkers? Was she alone with anyone at any given time? It’s extremely concerning that she blacked out. Has she ever had that happen before?
You’re both young, and you’re both going to make mistakes. Being accountable doesn’t mean being perfect. It means you handle your transgressions with integrity.
And even if she was answering the phone it doesn’t mean she wouldn’t be cheating.
If you think the worst of her because of one night of no contact then you have to decide if you really trust her.
As you get older both of you may have to work late hours at work and constant contact may not be feasible.
If either of you are concerned that the other really isn’t at work, but is instead at a coworker’s house or in a hotel you’re going to have problem. These things do happen.
You need to decide if your gf is someone who’d do this.
If these “disappearances” become a pattern that’s different, and cheaters almost never cheat just one time so if she cheated that night she’s been cheating, and it’ll continue to happen, even when she isn’t drunk.
So once again do you think she’s cheating on you?
PS: Finance isn’t special when it comes to cheating. It’s a people thing, not a department thing. Recently a CEO and his top HR person were caught on camera at concert.
Man, I am of a different breed than you.
She has a solid track record.
Sometimes, some nights play out differently. Sometimes you get lost in the moment, enjoying yourself, off your phone, not into giving a play by play update from the night. Not every night is going to be on their phone updating every moment. There will be some outlier nights mixed in despite how hard you try to be perfect. No one is perfect, need some room for imperfection.
She got home safe.
Really all this could be.
It doesn’t have to automatically mean cheating.
She was in a new social setting, new people, new cohort. Got drunk. Shit happens.
Don’t blow of fuse over a once in a blue moon occurrence. Blow a fuse over routine behaviour (which this is not).
If your mind instantly went to the worst conclusion, she must have cheated… Then maybe the trust in your relationship needs a hardcore evaluation.
You trust her or you don’t. You shouldn’t be required to stop what you’re doing , to check in and prove you’re not doing something wrong to each other. A text that you’re leaving and when you get home safely, should be enough. She said she drank too much, was probably caught up in having fun and went bed alone around midnight. You have no reason to believe that’s not true.
In regards to drinking so much that she blacked out with coworkers, is a bad look that can have career repercussions as well. If this is a rarity, tell her you’re not ok with getting black out drunk and it’ll be problem with you if it continues.