So, a week ago my bf of 3 years said he needed to take some time to figure out if he was unhappy in our relationship or if his poor mental health at the moment is making him unhappy about life in general and he was misunderstanding his emotions, but he reassured me that he 100% no doubt definitely still loved me.
I gave him the space he needed and was understanding, but also made myself available for him if he wanted to spend time with me. 2 days ago, he said although he’s enjoyed our time together this week, it’s given him clarity that he doesn’t love me or ‘feel the same’ about me anymore. I was obviously distraught.
Here’s the thing, for about a year we have been having issues on/off, most of which have stemmed from a massive breach of trust on his end (he didn’t physically cheat on me but I believe he was close to it) and I had to do a lot of work on myself to be able to forgive and regain trust, but I done it as I knew I wanted him. Since then I have asked him quite a few times to ensure he is putting in basic effort to the relationship to make me feel loved, as the mentioned incident had made me doubt myself a lot. He always said he would and pleaded he didn’t want to lose me, but the lack of care and attention rarely changed.
Now I feel I myself am a reflection of how he’s treated me in terms that I am not extremely happy and loving all the time, and can’t help but think that if he put a bit of effort into me and could see the old version of myself again, would he still love me.
I really don’t want to lose him and I am happy to be patient with whatever we need to do, but how should I go ahead with this? I’ve considered asking if we have a break first to see if he is sure on his choice, or seeing if we can spend one month with no pressure just making effort to spend quality time together doing things we enjoy. I can’t imagine a life without him.
So Reddit, how do you suggest I proceed in trying to save my relationship?
TLDR; my boyfriend of 3 years says he doesn’t love me anymore, I want to save the relationship but don’t know how.
Comments
You dont. This man does not love you, and trying to force it is only going to make things worse. Break up, get therapy to figure out why you want to be with someone that doesnt love you and allow yourselves to move on.
He’s told you he doesn’t love you anymore, which is awful to hear. Ask yourself this: could you remain with someone who’s gotten close to cheating on you in the past and has now told you they don’t feel the same way you do towards them anymore? Deep down you know the answer, but only you can do something about it.
If I were in your shoes, I’d leave them and not look back.
He’s made a decision, it’s not you that drove him away, it’s whatever is in him that has made him do this, including the need to be with someone else.
If he is having mental issues, he needs to work on these himself and sort himself out, you can’t do that.
It’s going to hurt, but you need counselling yourself so that you don’t blame yourself, build yourself and allow yourself to find someone that will treat you with respect, will work on himself so he can be the best version of himself for you and you do the same.
Your soulmate is out there for you if you allow it..your current beau knows how to make you feel small and accept his disrespect.
This is not a relationship that is worth saving.
He’s already drifting away. Keep holding on is all on your single efforts only. You will only get more tired and get upset.
Relationships needs two people to works together, you need both hands to clap.
Wake up.