Hii,
English is not my native language, so I apologize for any mistakes.
My Bf and I have been together for the last 5 years. We have always experienced some ups and downs, but nothing that we couldn’t overcome. He always had plans for moving abroad for studies or work. But I have always made clear that i don’t want to leave the country as i have to support and help my parents and siblings here. He never had any issues with it as he always reassured me that he would come back after some time as he only wanted to earn good money there. But recently, he got some visa rejections as he was not good academically and did not work full time. I have been supporting him financially for the last few years. Now, suddenly, he had a great idea of me moving out of my country for further studies, before getting engaged to him, live 6 months there then come back and get married to him. With this, he can come with me abroad on a spouse visa. for context, i have great grades, and i work in a huge company. I told him i can’t go sorry he has to do something on his own as i am already doing so much for him. He got so sad and angry and told me that he is very disappointed in me as i have emotionally manipulated him into being with me. He thought i always had plans of going with him and if i couldn’t go, this relationship couldn’t go any further.
He has been very distant and not talking to me nicely. earlier he used to call me all the time and now i have to remind him to talk to me.
Am i going insane?
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How exactly did you emotionally manipulate him? By being a supportive partner?
I don’t think this is a communication issue. I think he’s just trying to guilt you because he’s frustrated about his perceived failures due to the visa rejections and instead of trying again he wants to change the plans.
This is not a situation that is beneficial to you in any way. You need to leave him, immediately. Don’t continue to support someone who is clearly only worried about themselves.
He is projecting and reversing roles. He is trying to emotionally manipulate you into something that is not pragmatic and benefits him only.
The silent treatment he’s giving you is straight up manipulation. He needs you to support his spousal visa plan and leaving your support system, your income etc would render you vulnerable and “trap” you with him; which is what he wants
If anyone is manipulative, it’s him. Considering he’s trying to use you to get into another country.
End it with him. You’re not moving. He’s manipulative.
Girl, why do you keep investing in and babysitting a grown man especially when you have a whole family to carry on your shoulders, too? Investing being just an expression because there is no way you are getting any return on the money you have spent on his sorry ass. Time to lessen the load a bit, he can go be a disrespectful mooch elsewhere.