I really need some advice on how to fix my relationship and gain back my boyfriend’s trust. We’ve been in a long-distance relationship (LDR) for 2 years. It’s been on and off — we even broke up once during this time — but we got back together and things had been going well since then.
Recently, I decided I wanted to make some new friends, just to have someone to talk to. I told my boyfriend about this upfront, and he was okay with it. I met a guy online who seemed nice. He was a dermatologist, and we talked casually for about a week. Then out of nowhere, he offered to send me some skincare products. I found it weird and said no, but he kept insisting it was just a friendly gesture. Eventually, I agreed — mainly because he was persistent, and I didn’t want to be rude.
He sent the parcel, and later I got a call from the courier company saying there was money in the package. They accused me of money laundering and said I needed to pay some kind of fees. I panicked and immediately told my boyfriend everything.
He told me right away that this was a scam, and I blocked the guy and cut off all contact. But ever since then, my boyfriend has been distant. He keeps asking why the guy was sending me gifts in the first place and says he doesn’t trust me anymore. I genuinely don’t know why the guy wanted to send me anything — I never flirted, never gave any kind of signal that I was interested. I love my boyfriend so much and have never, ever cheated on him.
But now, he says he can’t trust me and doesn’t know if he can continue the relationship. I feel heartbroken because I never had any bad intentions. I was just trying to be friendly and naive about the whole situation. I admit I should have set firmer boundaries or just stopped talking to the guy earlier.
How can I rebuild the trust with my boyfriend? I don’t want to lose him over something I didn’t even see coming. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: I got caught in a scam after making a new male friend who sent me a package with money in it. My boyfriend now thinks I can’t be trusted. How do I earn his trust back?
Comments
You do not rebuild trust. Your boyfriend (if he chooses) rebuilds his trust in you.
The only thing you can do is facilitate that by being worthy of trust.
But you don’t get to set the timetable for which he will (or “should”) trust you again, and the more you try, the more likely it is that it will take longer for him to trust you.
All of that said, however, this seems like one hell of a tiny little hill for him to die on; if you explained everything to him as you have explained it here, and he thinks that this incident means that you cannot be trusted (in a fidelity sense, because it does show a certain lack of judgment in general)…that seems odd to me.