Yesterday my (24F) boyfriend (29M) made a few jokes about my body that made me feel insecure and self conscious about things I’ve never felt that way about before.
My boyfriend hates body hair, and I’m half Spanish so I have darker hair on my body than some other women. I do shave/wax my legs and body regularly, but often my boyfriend will comment/ poke fun if I accidentally missed an area or if it’s slightly prickly.
Last night we were cuddling on the couch abs he touches my stomach and says “oh your snail trail is coming back, better wax that again”, and kept trying to touch it. I had no idea I even really had a snail trail (the hair there is blonde) but he seemed to notice it and it made me feel really insecure for some reason.
He also pulled down my tank top and took off my bra last night, and then said “haha now your boobs are saggy”. I know he was joking but it made me feel quite upset and self conscious. I tried to play it off by laughing, but I’ve never had a man tell me this before or comments on my breasts like that. I’m a D cup and I have always been told by friends and by other men I’ve dated that I have nice breasts.
He did apologise later and said he was joking but I feel like since dating him I definitely have become more aware of my body hair and I’m stressed about my breast too now that he’s commented on them. I don’t think this is a dealbreaker right now but I’m just hoping this doesn’t continue because I already have low self esteem regarding my body that I’ve been trying to work on in therapy.
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Have you spoken to him about it?
You know you don’t have to deal with this, right? It’s not your problem, it’s his.
There was this time, very early into marriage with my husband, where I had recently shaved my legs and was like “ugh, so itchy” and he says “why do you shave them then if it bothers you?” and I was like “I don’t know, I guess I just thought I was supposed to and that you’d prefer it?” and he was like “I wouldn’t care if you were covered in hair”.
It’s weird, I think, this idea that women aren’t “allowed” to have hair that naturally grows on us. To the point where we feel the need to shave it off so that men (or the occasional judgemental woman) don’t have to see it existing.
There’s nothing wrong with you as you naturally are.
Time to dump him and find someone who falls in love with your stomach and boobs.
Your boyfriend is a loser. Like seriously. I say that as someone who’s been in relationships like this one. These type of men are interested in having a sex doll, not having a girlfriend.
Why in the name of God would you stay with this person? Are men that scarce out there?
He’s almost 30 and mentally 13, do with that what you will.
He is negging yooouuuuuuuu
This is not acceptable, or shouldn’t be anyway.
He’s essentially negging you – dump his ass.
He is trying to give you low self esteem because he is insecure and doesn’t want you to think about leaving because you feel you won’t get anyone else
Don’t date someone who insults you for no reason.
Holy shit, you are dating a child! What kind of fucking man acts like this none that I know!
Whaaaat? This guy sucks. How rude of him to say ANY of that. He is lucky you stuck with him this long.
He’s a jerk and will destroy your self esteem. Find someone who knows how to treat you.
So obviously you’re bringing up the concerns you have, but what are the wonderful things about this man? How does he make you feel loved, cherished, and respected? Does he do other things that make you feel valued? Beautiful?
If you don’t have these examples then maybe you are with the wrong guy.
no this isn’t okay at all. he is trying to make you feel self conscious and lower your self esteem. sounds like a loser porn addict or something the way he’s nitpicking your perfectly normal and natural body. from experience, this behaviour will only get worse over time, you deserve better.
It’s ok not to date someone who is mean to you
Y do t u play him at his own game. Start yoking fun at his lack of body hair. Ask does he shave. Tell hum it size doesn’t matter to u. Ask is he goin bald.
He’s not joking. He’s being a prick on purpose to make you feel insecure. And men only want you to be insecure for one reason…so they can treat you like shit and you put up with it.
Leave him.
men do this when thwyre trying to break you down. he’s saying these “jokes” knowing they’re hurtful, knowing it’s making you self conscious. and hes trying to see how far he can go. his apologies are bullshit bc he knows its rude, he just wants to keep pushing it. hes old enough to know how those comments can make a woman feel. hes doing it on purpose and im so sorry. you dont deserve that. you deserve someone who’s gonna love you all the same and all the time no matter how your body looks.
i dont shave at all anymore, i have hair “down there”, hair on my armpits, hair on my legs. I stopped shaving bc ADHD and also it makes my skin feel horrid afterwards. been this way for years, and ive never had complaints. whether you miss a day or not, someone who loves you for you won’t even notice let alone make a point to tell you about it in an effort to make you feel insecure.
He’s trying to break you so feel so insecure that you never look elsewhere. Probably best to break up because he’s bad news
What’s the joke? About your breasts. Jokes are funny, so ask him to explain the joke?
Honestly I’d grow out all my body hair long enough to braid it out of spite. He’s way too old for this baby brain shit!
Tell him to fk off.
Are you trapped in some kind of secret inescapable underground bunker and this is the only other person there or something? Like is there any other reason why you would stay with someone like this? lol
And you think he is a good boyfriend?
Move on it only gets worse
What are you dating a 12 yr old? Dump him!
Dude it should be a dealbreaker. You should be with someone who makes you feel good about yourself and makes you feel beautiful, not someone who makes you feel self conscious and uncomfortable about yourself.
The only time my man has ever complained about hair is when we have sex when I haven’t shaved my coochie in a few days and the fresh hairs poke his balls making it uncomfortable for him, which is understandable lol
Why do you wanna keep seeing a guy who’s insulting your body. It’s rude. That’s not what you do when you’re in love with a person. I’d throw this one back.
He’s a d!ck. He is cruel and awful. Dump him now. It will only get worse.
Ah, he’s negging you
Is he asking for money too?
Or does he pay special attention to hairless children?
These things should absolutely be deal breakers. He’s deliberately trying to make you feel bad about/question yourself.
He’s 30yo. He knows the comments he’s making are sh!tty and harmful. He’s trying to damage your self-confidence. A partner shouldn’t make you (more) insecure. They’re the person who’s supposed to make you feel good about yourself even on your “worst” days.
Whoa, ya, girl RUN! What a fucking tool! A useless fucking waste of perfectly good yearbook space.
I would never be with somebody who thinks that their preference overrides my autonomy or is my top priority.
One day you could be sick or pregnant or whatever reason and shaving your body hair and waxing is going to be the last thing that you care to do because it really truly doesn’t matter… do not be with somebody who’s going to act like it does.
also don’t be with somebody who is going to make comments about you that make you hurt inside. Life is long yet short, why would you want to put up with that
Break up with the AH and read – Why Does He Do That PDF Free download by Lundy Bancroft – Free Books Mania
He’s not laughing with you He’s laughing at you so the joke is on you… yeah he’s joking but he’s joking with himself at your expense… to him you’re the joke.
run away love
He’s negging you.
Dude’s a dickbag.
lol honestly? He’s almost 30 fucking years old! I say, grow EVERY hair out… go on strike. Show him what it could REALLY be… maybe you’ll end up feeling more ‘you’ and confident too!