My (24F) girlfriend just broke up with me (23M) because I’m “too basic,” and I still don’t know how to process that. We were hanging out at her place, just a normal night,takeout, Netflix, the usual, and she got really quiet halfway through the movie. I asked if something was wrong, and she paused it, looked at me, and said, “You’re nice… but you’re just kind of… plain.”
At first I thought she was joking, so I laughed it off, but she kept going. She said she wanted “more depth,” someone “more exciting,” that she felt like we’d run out of things to talk about. She even said she felt like she already knew everything about me, and not in a sweet, romantic way, more like she was bored. I didn’t even know how to respond, so I just sat there nodding while feeling like my stomach dropped. Then, without saying anything she just left.
The thing is, I’ve always struggled with believing anyone could really love me. I’ve never been the life of the party, never had that magnetic personality some guys seem to be born with. Every time a girl showed interest, I half expected it to be a joke or for her to lose interest after a few weeks. This relationship was the first time I let myself believe maybe I was wrong.
Now it feels like she confirmed every insecurity I’ve had since high school, that girls these days wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about me unless I was someone cooler, richer, or more exciting. I don’t even know where to start in terms of “not being basic” without feeling fake. how do I stop feeling like I’m not enough? How do I date without being terrified of getting cheated on or dumped for being boring? And how do you even “not be basic” without pretending to be someone you’re not?
How can I actually work on myself without turning into someone I’m not, and find a way to believe I’m worth loving?
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The fact that you even wrote this post shows you have emotional depth. Your ex was unkind.
It really depends on the woman. I think younger women want someone exciting and sexy and adventurous. As I’ve gotten older I actually want someone solid and steady and kind. Saying that, I want him to have his own interests, whatever they are. Something he has some passion for and wants to get stuck into. And someone who thinks about things and can have a good deep conversation about various topics.
First of all, your GF was very unkind. Even if she thinks you two as a couple are stuck in a routine and she wants more excitement, she could propose date ideas or you two could try new hobbies together. Saying “you’re plain” and leaving is pretty toxic.
With that said, what are your hobbies? What do you like to do? There’s nothing wrong with Netflix, but if that’s the only thing you do (just a hypothetical, not accusing you of only watching Netflix) then you’re cheating yourself out of living a more interesting and fulfilling life.
hobbies. multiple of them. also going to different places.
someone once told me that women are like children to be entertained, as long as u keep them busy, youll be fine.
go for date nights, other weekend go for shopping movie and food, another weekend go and meet family/friends, couple dates, small tours, etc
do things that both of you can enjoy, and maybe on the side try to learn some music instrument or painting or photography , etc ; women seem to enjoy that too
but ngl mate, no offence, your girlie is an asshole to leave someone calling them “basic” even though u have been nothing but nice to her
oh that reminds me, women love drama too
so u gotta have some fights, nothin too serious, but upset her and make up with her a little bit
people lose interest when life is a bit too stable or smooth sailing, thats also when they become bored
hope this helps a bit
also 8 billion people on the planet, you WILL find love, just dont let ur insecurities get u to (insecurities are normal to have, everyone has them, they just lie about it, or dont share them)
You’re spiraling because you just got dumped, which is absolutely normal — it hurts when a breakup isn’t mutual, even when they don’t do it in an unnecessarily cruel way (which yours did).
Here is the major error in your thinking: you’re assuming her judgment of you is somehow objectively true, that because she described you as “too basic”, then you must actually BE, in some fundamental way, too basic.
Let me give you an analogy: in my 20s a guy once dumped me because my boobs were too big and he preferred a smaller chest. Which some guys absolutely do! But I am not the right woman for those particular guys. Just as you are not the right guy for this particular woman.
So instead of panicking because you don’t know how to “not be basic,” why not spend some time reflecting on why you and she were not a good match. I’m guessing there were things you didn’t love about her as well, things you brushed under the rug or tried to ignore.
Try to remember that we date in order to see if we’re a good match. That’s the point. To find out if we’re really compatible with someone before we bind ourselves to them legally and financially and/or mix our dna together.
It hurts to get dumped. It sucks. But it doesn’t define you or your future dating prospects.
“Basic” is just a boring way to say she lost interest. You’re not broken, just not her flavor. Stop trying to be “exciting” for someone who wants fireworks; find someone who digs your vibe. Work on confidence, not a persona. Be yourself, but maybe try new things *for you, not to impress others. The right person won’t dump you for being real, they’ll appreciate it. Focus on that.
Bro, wtf does “too basic” even mean?
Keep it moving and let her find the exciting guys that’ll pump and dump her. When she comes back, close the door.
As for you, hit the gym, work on yourself and your career. That should be your main focus.
Bro, if you want to work on yourself, work because you want it yourself. Don’t take anyone seriously who uses “too basic” when talking about a fellow human being.
>How can I actually work on myself without turning into someone I’m not, and find a way to believe I’m worth loving?
By trying to understand yourself. What you want to do? What you want to achieve in life? I am not saying about your romantic life. I am saying your life in general. What is your purpose? What you are in for in the long game? Define that. Set goals towards achieving that. Women dig a man with a sense of purpose, direction and control. Do that, rest of the things will follow.