We’ve been married for a few years and have a baby. We had relationship issues after the baby but I thought we had resolved them and he promised he would be better and all that.
He did get better, he did his share around the house and house chores aren’t a big issue because he just does what needs to be done without complaint or comment.
But something at the back of my head felt off. I never really explored the nagging feeling but now I realized that he never showed me any extra care. In fact, he gets upset or easily frustrated with me if I cause any extra inconvenience. Not sure how I didn’t notice until now.
So 2 days ago, I think I got sick. I was feeling that gross thick skin feeling and (vertigo? Light headed? Idk) and by night time I was shivering and freezing. I was still able to function so I didn’t think much of it. Complained to my husband about it and then we went to sleep.
Yesterday, I woke up feeling like my bones were lead. Idk how I functioned yesterday but it felt like auto pilot. My boss messaged me with some tasks so I did them on my phone before my baby woke up. Rolled out of bed and somehow took my sister to school. Came back and worked some more. Usually I have energy to flip between being a mom and working but yesterday I just laid on the floor to work while my 1 year old watched some Ms Rachel. Then had to pick up my sister from school, come home to make dinner and by the time my husband came home, I felt dead on my feet.
Anytime I moved, it felt like I was lagging and my body couldn’t keep up. I told my husband this a few times. We ate, I put away the leftovers and put the baby to sleep while my husband went to his office to do some quick work.
After this, I don’t really remember because my brain was foggy. I found myself in his office, we exchanged a few words but I don’t remember what and next thing I knew, I woke up alone in his office on the floor.
I felt so heavy and out of it. It took so much effort to get up but when I got out, all the lights were off, the kitchen was not touched and he was in bed.
I just stood in the kitchen and realized that he just doesn’t care. I already knew he wasn’t going to clean the kitchen tomorrow, and that he didn’t care I felt off. I had a busy day planned and I didn’t have time to wash all the dishes the next day..
So I loaded the dishwasher and then went to bed. I laid down and 5 minutes later, my husband (very angrily) told me to turn off the lights in the kitchen. At this point I had no energy to deal with him so I ignored him and fell asleep.
The next morning, today, I woke up covered in sweat but that gross feeling was gone. Thats when I realized that I was sick. My husband was upset with me. He wouldn’t talk or look at me and was stomping around. I tried to ask him about yesterday but he just grumbled something about me “confusing” him.
Everything from yesterday caught up and I just can’t see him the same. I realized that he has never taken care of me, or done anything that was inconvenient for him. I’ve been sick before and everytime it’s the same thing. He gets upset at me somehow.
After I had a baby, he was upset that nothing was kept up around the house yet got angry with me when I fainted from overexhertion at 2 weeks postpartum. I remember him yelling at me that I did this to myself and its my fault for not taking care of myself even though just 2 days before, he was telling me that he was angry with me for not keeping up with laundry and that I needed to clean the kitchen because it was starting to smell and he didnt want to cook anymore. Dont even get me started on how he never woke up at night.
All these memories hit me and I just am disgusted by him. How did I not see this? What do I even do? I’m going to stop here before the post gets too long.
Edit: he just texted me saying he’s beat and could barely brush his teeth this morning… I don’t even know what to respond
I can’t believe I took care of this man everytime he got sick and after 2 surgerys.
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your husband hates you
He sounds like he wants a mother, not a partner. Don’t wait around or try to “fix his behaviour”, he won’t change. I can guarantee it. Please leave this man, your child doesn’t need to grow up thinking it’s okay to be treated this way or to treat people this way. Sending you a lot of love, please be brave. Life will be so much better without him dragging you back!
Wait. You passed out in front of him and he just left you laying on the floor? I’m usually a “work on things” advice giver but not here – get a lawyer and figure out how to get outta there.
You deserve so much better. Find someone who treasures and supports you, in both sickness and health.
What happens if something becomes chronic. I have chronic pain I have difficulty with mobility and standing. I also have a condition called orthostatic hypotension my blood pressure is all over the place I get dizzy and sometimes pass out. My husband gets concerned he helps around the house as well. My ex husband couldn’t deal with me having pain he expected me to just be the same person I always was and he never helped take care of me. I left him as that was the only solution. I could be crying in pain anxious and scared and he’d walk out of the bedroom and close the door. No emotional support or affection.
You didn’t leave the room, he did. That means at some point, you were laying on the floor and he walked out and left you there and just went to bed
Your life will be easier without him.
He’s not in this ‘in sickness and health’
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.
I’m sorry to say that he will not change.
The good thing is that you are very young. Young enough to leave this man and start again with someone else if you want to. You don’t have to do it all at once, but start planning to divorce his useless ass. See a divorce solicitor when you’re recovered and don’t tell him. Get all the financial info together you’ll need in the meantime.
There is absolutely no reason you should spend a lifetime being unloved by this appalling man.
I had an ex like this. My illnesses were inconveniences to him and he always dismissed them as being ‘not that bad’ and not once would he ask how I was or what he could do to help.
Please see a doctor and prioritise your health. I hope you feel better soon and hope to hear one day that you’ve left him in your dust. 💐
Read your post, reread it again, print a copy and hang it on the wall if you need to. This man does not care about you and you know that. At least go stay with family or friends for a few days to get help with the baby while you recover and get your head together.
Its sad but you probably realized what tons of women end up realizing also, how men treat women. Your man doesnt see you as a woman fyi. He sees you as an object. A thing that cleans and puts the house together, if you dont work anymore or correctly he will get mad and replace you eventually like all old appliances. When this happens you need to figure out what you’re going to do next.
Your husband hates you. This man does not love you.
What you do? You start planning your exit. Start saving up a bit of cash, start figuring out how to move his ass out….. You start telling family about your plans, you ask work if there is a promotion available for you with a raise…. You make plans. Quietly. And you get a lawyer. And then, you act.
Do not go another year with him like this. He would have let you die if he found you bleeding. This man does not care. What absolute piece of trash.
What do you even do? You divorce yourself and your child from someone who cares this little about you, it’s actively dangerous for you to be with someone who cares for you so little.
At least if you were alone, other people would check on you once in awhile. With this husband, you could just die and he’d leave you on the floor.
keep looking at him differently. Don’t sleep with him, don’t have sex with him. let the consequences emerge that you can see the true picture, and let the blinders fall from your eyes. Whatever you’ve got isn’t good enough, and now that you know it, that won’t change.
Check with the lawyer to find out what you do before you mention anything to him. get all your ducks in a row. Start recording him so when you have these conversations you have some evidence and reminder of how he really treats you.
You’ll need therapy to find out how you f*** yourself up so bad with a guy so uncaring of you, but there’s no reason to beat yourself up, you’ve already suffered enough!
be unhappy that you’ve put yourself in this position, but be very very very very glad that you’ve seen it this early. You’re still young with your whole life ahead of you, go on and rescue yourself! You can do this.
updateme
Girl, you are in danger. You passed out and don’t even remember what happened. You literally could have died there. Losing consciousness for a longer period of time is highly concerning.
Again: You could have died. And your husband did not only refuse to call an ambulance, he actively ignored you in a dire condition, and that would be the best case. Worse case would be that he actively did something to cause this, you have no memory, after all.
This is too dangerous to talk it out. Please, get your kid and some belongings and leave. Go to your parents, friends or a women’s shelter. Get checked out by a doctor. Ask them if your fainting could be due to trauma.
And most important: don’t tell him that you are leaving. Pregnant women and women who just gave birth are at the highest risk of getting killed by their partners. He already showed you that he wouldn’t care if you died, no sane person leaves someone unconscious on the floor.
I don’t think you should talk to him, you need to have a conversation with an attorney. And just clean the bare minimum, you don’t want to be that sick again
He loves what you do for him, not actually loves you , yourself. Start taking steps to be independent, financially and emotionally because long term, he will never be there for you
Lawyer! Divorce. There is no option B.
Please talk a trusted family member or friend. There are hotlines you can call for advice. Please take care of yourself. This is very scary and I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.
Divorce.
Imagine if you’d thrown up and choked on your own vomit after he just…left you there on the floor after passing out?
I also wouldn’t trust him with the child and wokld demand supervised visits only the basis that he left you passed out on the floor rather than inconvenience himself to care for you.
I grew up in a family of health care workers, so I’m used to being taken cared of when I’m sick, and I’m used to take care of people when they are sick. My ex-bf was a guy who had a very lonely and abusive childhood and he always had to fend for himself, and when I got really sick for the first time while we were dating, it was very strange how he behaved like it didn’t matter how I was feeling, or how he would just tell me “let me know if you need anything” and leave me completely alone for the rest of the day. But if I asked him “can you bring me some water” or “buy this medicine” he would do it immediately. He cared about me, he just never learned how to comfort and care for someone sick, which is fine.
What your husband is doing is not fine and it’s clearly abusive.
He is not abusing you the classic ways, so it takes time for you to realize. He is being passive, not doing anything, so it doesn’t feel like abuse, but it is. If someone chokes near you, you can completely ignore that person and leave them to die or you can at least call 911, that’s the bare minimum of human decency. Your husband couldn’t care less about you, he chose to leave his WIFE, vulnerable and sick, sleeping/passed out on the floor. There’s no excuse for that, none. Even husbands who beat on their wives will still bring flowers the next day (not ok, just to be clear). In my opinion, your husband is so much worse than them.
I believe that even if it was your fault, even if you passed out drunk, a person who loves you will at least make sure you’re safe, that you will wake up the next day, but he really doesn’t care about you, he doesn’t care about the mother of his child, and it feels like it would be a relief for him if you died and he could be the poor widow who deserves all the attention.
I know it won’t be easy, but please, be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself, you deserve so much more, trust me. It won’t be easy to escape the situation you’ve living right now, but it will be worth it. You deserve love and happiness, your baby deserves to grow up in a loving environment, and you deserve that as well. I’m here to listen if you need, I know it’s hard to get out of abusive relationships and it takes time, it’s not like you can just pack your bags and leave most of the times, but it’s worth the time and effort.
This sounds very serious and needs to be dealt with. You aren’t his maid, chef and cleaning lady etc. He’s used to you doing everything and taking you for granted. Schedule a sit- down with him and seriously discuss your feelings. You need to be respected by your husband.
I’d be looking up some divorce lawyers
Uhhh. What the hell? Also perhaps you should get some bloodwork done.
If my partner fainted or just wierdly laid on the floor, I would be right next to them calling emergency services until they either came round or the medics arrived.
I couldn’t lift my partner into bed but I could roll them into a duvet and put a pillow under their head and cover them up and lay next to them……
I WOULDNT LEAVE THEM UNATTENDED ON THE FLOOR!!
Ummm is he poisoning you and mad you didn’t die? Seriously get out. Not tomorrow. Right now.
God these posts depress me.
What an absolute monster. You do not deserve this. It sounds like you were pretty obviously ill, and then you fainted which is so dangerous! I’m so glad you’re okay (didn’t hit your head or anything it sounds like) but I don’t trust this man to even protect you in a normal situation.
I fainted a couple months ago in front of my partner and a friend and he about had a panic attack, caught me before I fell, and was still hyperventilating and sweating when I woke up a few minutes later. I just remember our friend telling me how much he could see that my husband cares. I think we all deserve that, if from nobody else but our partner. They’re supposed to be your #1, ride-or-die, best friend. Above all. And there are good people in this world who deserve your company a lot more than this guy. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I am hurting for you because I’ve been there.
Not only did he walk past you while you were passed out on the floor but he turned the lights off and went to bed while you were passed out on the floor! Even if he had cleaned the kitchen on the way to bed this is still not ok girl.
This person doesn’t care about you. That’s hard to take. I know. I’ve been there. But even my ex would’ve picked me up and thrown me on the sofa or in the spare room as a min. More likely he would’ve called an ambulance or taxi and sent me on my own to the hospital! Those things are much better than walking past you and going to bed, yet he’s still my ex.
Raise your standards not your blood pressure or your anxiety levels.
You should go to the ER for a blood panel now. He saw you pass out and didn’t care at all? That sounds like someone trying to hurt someone. I mean people would be wildly alarmed if they saw a stranger pass out in the street and he sees you do it and doesn’t even wonder what’s up?
You should get tf out of there dude. With great haste.
Please get rid of the manchild. Do it for your sanity & your children. Who would want to be with someone who would simply walk over you if you passed out on the floor? And not even check on you? Is he not worried that you are okay? Does he hope that you aren’t okay? Cut ties with him asap.
ur husband HATES u and im feel terrible for saying this but u should probably get a divorce i dont think theres any love or affection from his side
OP, imagine a friend of yours seeing you faint in front of them, or even find you sleeping on the floor. Will they leave you there?
Would you leave a friend/sibling there? The answer is no.
This isn’t about him “stepping up”, this is basically human decency. Never mind, he’s your partner and the parent of your child, he should’ve checked in on you when you told him you felt off, and decidedly not leave you on the floor.
I don’t know how to explain that leaving the mother of your children on the floor and go to sleep is more than hatred. This is not caring if you died in front of him
You could have died there, and your baby and sister would be dependent on the man that let you on the floor to die.
This isn’t a normal response. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years – married 2 and dated 8. One of the reasons for our lengthy dating was an illness I experienced due to long term alcohol abuse. One of those symptoms were seizures.
There were two times I had a seizure and it was just my husband and I.
• first time in the kitchen. I apparently screamed and fell. I hit my head pretty hard so there was blood on the floor and I almost bit through my tongue. My husband didn’t see the seizure but saw me on the ground. I woke up with my head in his lap and pillows around us. He never left me once he found me.
• Second time was in the little water closet bathroom. I was sitting on the toilet and had a seizure with the door shut. That bathroom was so small to the point that I was leaning forward on the door and he couldn’t open the door to get to me. It was a short seizure but he was on the phone with 911 as I came to.
Point I’m trying to make is that him just leaving you in the room, not knowing what is wrong with you, is not only piss poor treatment to give to your partner, it’s negligent. If you found him on the floor, what would you do? If you noticed he was dragging and not feeling well, what would you do?
You would likely help him because you care about him. Would it matter if you were in a fight before? It wouldn’t to me and very likely wouldn’t matter to you either given how hurt you are by his reaction and behavior. My partner’s health is a priority and I will do everything in my power to help him if needed.
At this point, it’s time to make yourself the priority.
Time to talk to a lawyer.
PLAN. YOUR. EXIT. NOW.
Slowly plan your escape. He hates you but needs someone to cook, clean, raise his babies and occasionally have sex with.
You are so young and even with the baby you can find someone who actually likes you.
I would reach out to family and friends and find another place to stay while you recover from whatever this is. You need to know you aren’t alone. I’d consider telling him you don’t trust him and that this marriage isn’t making you feel safe or loved and you need to start thinking about next steps. If he treats you this way it doesn’t seem like you can trust him to even care for your child.
I cannot imagine leaving my spouse on the floor and going to bed. What the hell.
He’s a POS who couldn’t even be bothered to call 911 after his wife passed out. He just noped right on out of there and went to bed.
Divorce him. He’s not husband material.
He doesn’t give a crap about you, or your wellbeing. She showed you how little he actually cares about you. Believe him.
None of this is ok. You were sick. You do realize if something were really wrong and you needed medical care, he would leave you to die, right?
First of all, forget about the relationship and go see a doctor ASAP—unless you already know why you’re sick. Second, sit with yourself and have the hardest, most honest “come to Jesus” conversation you’ve ever had. Lastly, seek advice from a divorce attorney.
Personally, I’d be too scared to be around him.
This is disgusting and cruel on his part and pathetic on yours. Get a nanodrop of self respect and leave
At only 2 weeks postpartum…you are doing way way too much…you are supposed to be resting and healing. Why do you have to take your sister to school? Cant someone else do it? You probably should let your dr know what happened…you could have an infection. And dont be letting him talk you into having sex yet either.. you should be taking daily naps at this point.
Yoy can’t make someone care about you that just doesnt. There is no room for improvement in this relationship, in my opinion. What happens if you get cancer? Have a broken leg? A stroke? He will not care for you. You’re on your own, so you might as well make it official.
So he left u on the floor, turned off the lights & went to bed. Not only did he show u even basic humanity but what if your daughter had started crying? Would he have just left her too & yelled at u for not taking care of her?
you start looking at divorce attorneys and apartments, and you run the numbers on exactly what you can afford to do on your own. you’re young, 24 is not even a third through your natural lifespan if you don’t stick yourself permanently with someone who’s perfectly happy to let you burn yourself out and not help you.
this can happen to anyone of any gender or orientation, but i will say that quite a lot of straight women in particular have trouble finding partners who don’t expect to be babied forever. this story is very common- man is all happy and over the moon as long as you’re pulled together and taking care of everything to do with the house, children etc. but then as soon as you need him to pull his weight, need to be cared for, are sick- man suddenly unhappy. a partner who actually loves you and is building a life with you will not exhibit this behavior. there are plenty of straight men out there that aren’t like this and will actually want to express mutual care and build a life with you, but you’re not gonna find one if this guy’s taking up all your time and energy.
just so you know how much better you could have it elsewhere- my fiance has a terminal illness and is disabled. last time he was hospitalized i slept in the hospital chair next to him 5 of the 6 days he was in there, while still going to work and running home every day to take care of pets. he’s hospitalized again now, so as soon as i get off work i’m picking up the stuff he needs and some creature comforts and sleeping in that hospital chair again tonight. ain’t nothin for somebody who truly loves you, to show up for you when you need them.
I want you to answer just one question and it will make you realize how much you have to get out.
Next time you pass out, what if you don’t wake up? Because you could have died that night. He would have found you in the morning.
If that doesn’t do it then I want you to think about what else this man will ignore. Do you want to be shocked out of this by your child dying due to him neglecting them?
This is actually pretty terrifying. Is he even human?? He sure doesn’t like you much that’s for sure.
I’d say this is pretty unfixable. And in your shoes I wouldn’t even try, because the very least we should expect from a partner is empathy and loving care.
Lots of things happen in life: you will get sick again, perhaps seriously. And if you can’t rely on him to care about you, or even not to HAVE A GO AT YOU for being sick, that’s appalling.
There’s something wrong with him, and it’s not something you can fix. You must think about yourself and your child. In your shoes, I’d be quietly making plans.
You sure he didn’t poison you?
As several other commenters have stated… i’m not one to jump to this conclusion quickly…but GTFO. you’re dealing with a heartless individual who sounds like he could also be a narcissist – not enough evidence here to confirm that – but either way, he doesn’t love you like he pretended to when he married you.
My partner is not very comforting/caring in that way either, but he would NEVER leave me on an office floor and he would absolutely pick up slack if I was just dead to the world…. this goes beyond a difference if opinion in “in sickness and in health”!!!
I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better than this.
May I know what did you see in him previously that you married him?? Did all these happened only after the marriage where previously he’s a different person?
https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
Leave him. I know that sounds impossible, but that kind of disregard is not fixable (not that he would even want to fix himself).
Time to get a divorce my love
This is sociopathic behavior. Fucking run away. Honestly, truly, there is something very wrong with the man you married and I don’t think you’re safe with someone like that. Take precautions when leaving, the most dangerous thing a woman can do is leave her male partner and your man gives off murder-y vibes.
respond with “so”.
Your husband has been that person, you failed to see it before. it’s not something that randomly pops up, adult males who act like children and act like their wives are moms, it’s from childhood not something he became in his adult life.
Based on this divorce him, get child support, it doesn’t sound like he cares for you so likely goes for the child too.
The post reads to me as if they married without knowing each other well enough and then had kids despite knowing their relationship was not stable or loving in the ways a child needs.
Sigh another child who will have to deal with an unnecessarily tougher life because of their parents inabilities.
I pray for that child.
The bare minimum I would do, for someone I hate, is call an ambulance and make sure they were okay. If I would do that for someone I loathe, why wouldn’t your husband do that much for you?
While your husband is gone to work, pack your essentials, take the baby, and leave. ASAP. Go to your parents’, go to a women’s shelter, go to a motel while you regroup and plan for either of the other two or something else, but you HAVE to get out of there.
You lost hours of your time that you have no idea what happened; all you know is that he left you passed out on the floor and didn’t even bother to check on you, let alone call for help.
That is imminent danger level.
He literally doesn’t care if you die and you’re still with him.
Your husband is self centered, cruel and has the emotional intelligence of a broken spork. I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
What if you had passed out from something more serious and not woken up? Would he have only noticed after yelling for you, for not getting up with the baby? Heaven forbid the worst case scenario…You wanna leave your child to be raised by this guy?
Is it possible he may have drugged you? I have passed out several times from severe anemia, but I’ve always had at least some memory of what happened when I woke up. It’s also unusual to be passed out long enough for someone to shut down an entire house, go to bed, and fall asleep.
It wouldn’t hurt to visit an Urgent Care to have your blood tested for drugs. They can also complete a CBC to determine if you’re anemic. Have you been having heavy periods since the birth?
My father did this EXACT, and I mean exact same thing to my mother right after they were married. He finished watching his movie, stepped over her unconscious body in the hallway, and went to bed. The psychological, physical, and emotional abuse he reigned upon her, and me and my siblings, for the next 35 years has traumatized every single one of us. Don’t even get me started on the serial cheating, with sex workers no less. Only last year was she able to escape. Only last year was it safe for us to all cut him cleanly off – I’m 30.
This man sounds like a narcissist. I recognize this. And I can’t even find the words to convey how urgent it is for you to leave. My mother tried EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING!!!!! to get him to love her and respect her back – and it never happened. There is nothing more you can do, other than decide if this is who you want to spend your life with, and how you want to continue to be treated. What happens if you get cancer? What happens if you get pregnant and you’re bedbound? What happens if you are in a car accident and have a leg amputated? Will you be able to fall back on him? Safely?
Please find someone who actually loves you, because this ain’t it.
He showed less care for you than I would show a stranger
I would show more care for someone I didn’t like
Updateme!
Well he’s sick now so you have the opportunity to show him the same care and concern he shows you.
You know what you need to do.
Omg. He completely disregarded you. That’s grounds for divorce in my opinion. Based on your post, you’re correct. He does not want to do anymore than he feels he needs to. The bit about him yelling cause the house wasn’t clean 2 weeks after you birthed a human??????
Time to find a new place to live or kick him out and file for divorce. This man does not care about you or your wellbeing.
I will also add that I deal with endometriosis and other chronic illnesses that were 10 times worse in my abusive marriage. I’ve been out for 5 years and my health, while it will never be great, has become so much more manageable now.
Call your local women’s shelter & ask for help on how to very quickly & quietly leave your marriage. This is a form of emotional abuse. I’m guessing there might be some financial abuse as well?
Don’t tell anyone outside of the shelter & the lawyer that they put you in touch with about leaving your marriage. You want to be 100% ready to go, be in a safe place, & have him served with papers as his 1st inkling that anything is up with your marriage.
You can do this. You’ve seen the light & your spine is shiny now!
This story is WILD. There had to be signs before you married him. He doesn’t like you and it seems you’re just a maid to him.
You could have died!
Twice now.
Remember to slow down and express your needs. For example, hey, I’m not feeling right, can you make dinner? Your spouse’s response will say everything.
Post partum, he needed to do the laundry and clean the kitchen. Not you.
Brittany Murphy died in the shower from pneumonia. I keep this in mind when I’m ill to remind me to slow down and rest.
Please protect yourself and your child. Talk to a lawyer to see what your options look like. This is abusive behavior.
Your husband hates you.
I’ve possibly been on Reddit too long, but I can’t help wondering if he’s been putting something in her food.
PS Once in my youth I found a homeless man passed out at an underground station, and I think I did more to help him than this man did for his wife.
Yeah, this is beyond get therapy or work it through. That is abusive behaviour without a doubt. Even if you had passed out there, the fact that he did didn’t do anything to check on you, make sure you’re OK, even if he was going to leave you there bring you a pillow and a blanket to make sure you’re OK when he knew you’ve been sick it’s disgusting.
And the fact that you’ve been doing everything while sick and he couldn’t even be bothered to try to clean the kitchen and help you out tells you everything you need to know about this man.
I’m so sorry, but I really think this is talked to an attorney time.
Confused why you didn’t go to the hospital when you felt as sick as you described.
He stepped over you.
See lawyers and pick one. Today.
Is NO ONE mentioning you could have been POISONED or DRUGGED?!
I DO NOT think you are safe there.
What if you needed an ambulance?
This is a pretty big deal because you cannot rely on him to make good decisions.
And if he will do it to you, he will do it to the baby.
i’m sorry but if your loved one faints in front of you and you LEAVE THEM ON THE FUCKING FLOOR then that is not a relationship. I don’t even think I could do that to a stranger.
That is CRAZY. Have you asked him why he just left you there???????? This is straight up scary to read for me. He sounds like a sociopath or whatever to be able to have such levels of apathy toward his WIFE and mother of his child!!!!!!!!!! My husband would’ve at least tried waking me up, make me feel better, took my contact lens out and put them away, got me water, and then called 911 if I wasn’t responsive to any of these things. What the actual fuck is going on.
You need to leave him but also. You need to go to urgent care. You seem very exhausted and feverish. It’s hard to really take in what’s going on with your body when you’re stretched so thin. Please go and get checked out.
These men will show through their actions that they do not like you. OP, if you can, please leave this some for your own and your child’s wellbeing.
Just curious, how was your husband when you had your baby?
Immediate divorce, zero hesitation. You’re gaining nothing from this marriage other than someone being mad at you when you repeatedly faint from exhaustion, like stepping over your limp body on his way to bed was such an inconvenience for him.
It looks like you fainted and he didn’t do anything? He just left you on the floor, turned all the lights off and went to bed like nothing happened? Wth! Does he even love you? Does he have a heart? I feel like I would show more concern for a stranger who fainted on the street than he does for you, his own wife!
I’m sorry to say but you deserve better than him. He doesn’t help with the housework, doesn’t seem to do much for his child, clearly doesn’t care about you whatsoever. It seemsbit wasn’t the first time you fainted. You already fainted because you did too much two weeks after giving birth. That’s when he, your partner, should have stepped up and do most of the housework. What a lousy husband!
You and your husband need to go to the doctor immediately. Whatever was wrong with you was not normal and now it sounds like he has it too. Neither of you is/was capable of thinking straight and he was so lethargic this morning he could barely brush his teeth. You are both sick and your baby is next. It could be a virus or it could be something in the house. GO TO THE DOCTOR.
Holy crap OP, I can’t believe your husband would leave you like that, not to mention the way he was treating you post-partum. You deserve far better than that treatment. It sounds like he wasn’t even concerned enough to help with your baby, what would have happened if you had passed out while holding the baby or driving?
My husband would freak out if I passed out in front of him, he gets very nervous when I have anything worse than a mild cold.
I’m sorry that you are sick, please take care of yourself and check in with your doctor if you can and please leave for your own health and safety.
Before one more conversation with him, talk to a lawyer without his knowledge.
Get all your copies of paperwork and accounts and everything recorded.
Then file.
This man didn’t care when you were momentarily ill, don’t trust him to be fair when divorcing.
Hey so this man is inactive danger to you. And to your child. I’m being so serious. He’s willing to let you run around with a fever, possibly contagious, possibly passing out, around a baby. That’s not just lack of concern or care, I’d call that actively malicious.
You could have gotten the baby sick. You could have dropped the baby. You could have passed out on the baby. You could have passed out and not woken up in time to change or feed the baby thus resulting in other health complications. You could have hurt yourself falling down. You could have gotten sick or God forbid – choked.
There is probably a hundred different ways in which this situation was an active danger to both you and your child, and I’m not putting that lightly.
He doesn’t care that you could possibly hurt yourself or the baby, he doesn’t care about anything other than his own needs.
On top of that it seems when his own needs aren’t getting met, he’s infantizing himself and taking out his anger on you. Neither of those things are okay. Neither of those things are tolerable.
You need to make a plan and get away from him and get your child away from him. I am being so serious. It sounds like he has built up resentment possibly other issues but what is important is that you get yourself safe.
OP, your husband doesn’t even like you. It sounds like you’re just an appliance to him.
hell no!!
So he turned off all the lights except the kitchen? Essentially “reminding” you that once you wake up on the office floor, it’s still your job alone to clean the kitchen.
I know you know this, but holy hell, being angry at you for “confusing” him is horrible. Any good human worth their salt would turn that confusion into concern, not anger. I’ve actually had someone pass out near me before (long story, but a friend fainted and fell forward while I was ready to catch her from behind / assumed she’d fall backwards) and I cried myself to sleep for days feeling bad about not catching her in time. I cannot even fathom watching my partner descend into confusion from an illness, lose reality, pass out in front of me, and then just leaving him all night with the kitchen lights on to boot. It’s even harder to imagine leaving my child with someone so ill – he’s hurting you and the baby with this.
So I guess, advice for today – do you have access to a car / public transport / uber to get to a hospital? You should absolutely be checked out (both for the illness & passing out and being left all night). Get your health sorted out first! If you’ve got family or friends (or sister?) to help with babysitting, now is the time to call them in. Sister can miss a day of school if needed, because you absolutely need to go see a medical professional. If you’ve got a laptop or phone, bring it to the hospital and start researching lawyers & divorce rights in incognito / private mode while you wait. Tell the doctor your partner witnessed it & left you, so that it goes into your medical file. And then breathe! Reevaluate. There’s tons of resources on reddit that can help with acquiring essential documents, discretely setting up new bank accounts and phone numbers, etc. Take it one day at a time, but you can do this! This man is a danger to both you and your child, even if it’s a sneaky, lack of care type of danger.
Malignant narc. Id start planning your exit. 😳🩷🧿
Your husband’s lack of concern for his past out wife is alarming. Who sees their love one in that position and jist cracks on? You could have been seriously injured, and I honestly wouldn’t trust him to care for you if you actually got hurt. This doesn’t seem like a forgivable offense if he can’t own up to the severity of his inaction.
This behavior is not normal, so don’t think you’re overreacting.
Leave! It will never get better just worse. You and your kids deserve love
I would give far more care to a complete stranger I found collapsed on the floor in, say, an airport lobby than your husband gave you. How can anyone say this man loves you? He treats you with indifference and contempt. Jesus.
I’m giving you affirmation. You don’t need advice. You know what you need to do. My best to you, sister.
He does not care about your wellbeing at all. It’s actually disturbing to me that he would leave you passed out alone on the floor like that. See an attorney.
Well he is sick now so give him the same care he gave you. Next plan your exit.
Sometimes I am completely baffled how such truly sh!tty people like your husband trick other people into marrying them
Real Talk
Your child is not safe right now because the only parent it has is sick and can pass out at any moment and the other parent is completely absent
As your parents or a friend if you can crash with them for a while
Do you have any family nearby? Someone needs to stay with you that will put him in his place.
I’m not going to parrot back what everyone else is saying, but I will say this: my first thought after reading your story was that you should get a tox screen. I know that sounds crazy paranoid, and maybe I watch too much true crime, but what in the actual FUCK?
His behavior seems malicious as if he was hoping you’d just pass away overnight and then he could claim ignorance to your situation. If I were you, I’d want to know for sure that the symptoms you experienced weren’t caused by him. Good luck with this situation and please stay safe.
Maam, he HATES YOU!
Please leave before he lets you die on the floor!!!!
This is what’s going on here. Don’t let him waste one more minute of your life.
Leave. I passed out after a run with my ex and he walked away while my 7yo daughter stayed with me, trying to wake me up and feed me pineapple. 3y later I had a really bad biking accident where I broke my jaw and he refused to blend food up for me when i couldn’t stand another protein drink. This was the same man that I let sleep in on the weekends and take the 7-11p baby shift while I was responsible for them from 11pm until 7a.
It’s not going to get better. He doesn’t love you. He probably doesn’t even like you. I divorced at 41yo when I should’ve left him at 37– don’t waste a minute more with this man.
Now you finally discovered this man hates your guts. He totally despises you.
He’s willing to leave you on the floor dying if he could .
There is a child in this mess ….
What are you going to do now ? Reading this he never lied about who he was from the beginning… It’s up to you to raise the bar you left in hell and find a good partner .
Wish you the best
With the sickness and fainting, you might want to make sure he’s not slipping something into your drinks/food. Sounds suspicious!
girl what are you even doing? You’re ONLY 24 and accepting this treatment as if you don’t have a whole life ahead of you? He seems like he has abusive tendencies and he doesn’t seem to give a shit about you. It’s pathetic that you’re begging him to love you, there are TONS of good men (or women if that’s what you’re into) that wouldn’t treat you this way. Learn to love yourself because it seems like not only does he hate you, you hate you too. You need to talk to a divorce attorney, leave this man, and then get into therapy. You can try to have a conversation about your feelings with him but do NOT tell him your plans to divorce, maybe even talk to a lawyer first.
You need to leave, for your health and your baby.
He’s not going to change.
What if you were so sick that you died ? At what point would he have checked you were okay, called for help, called emergency services ?
Does he do this with your baby too? Ignores the babies distresses cries.
You deserve someone who loves and cares for you. Stop out of this shadow into the light.
My husband would NEVER be this way towards me…. EVER!! If I ever fainted or told him multiple times I wasn’t feeling good he’d do everything to make me feel better or take/make me go to the ER!
Your husband has no respect for you as a person let alone as a partner
Oh oh… sounds like he’s got the man flu. Any chance you can avoid being home for a few days?
That’s a major red flag. You deserve better.
When my wife gets sick I take over all household duties while she is in bed. The same is done in reverse. What is the point of having a partnership if you are doing all the work all the time even when not able to complete it. This doesn’t really sound like something that could be fixed
Me thinks he has some anger issues, what a fuck’n ass!
I hope you gave him a nice big dose of the flu.
You are obviously a giver. You’d gladly take care of him when he’s sick. And this should be reciprocated without question.
Yet his fucked up sence of how a husband-and father-should behave is totally abusive!
Yes, you have every right to be disgusted with him… but now what?
I passed out in the bathroom once. My husband (only a boyfriend at the time) sprang into action, called the ambulance, stayed with me as the medics assessed me and transported me to the ambulance, and he was right behind us as we pulled into the hospital.
He stayed with me the entire time as they ran tests, gave me fluids, and stabilized my condition. He even helped me get to the bathroom, which took about five minutes because I could barely do more than shuffle.
My amazing husband didn’t think his behavior that day was special. It was just what he did for someone he loved. You deserve someone like that.
He left you passed out alone? That’s reckless and disrespectful. You deserve someone who prioritizes your safety. Have a serious talk about this.
My husband offered to wipe my butt after surgery if I couldn’t do it myself. He doesn’t like you. He’s not man enough to end it himself. Start getting a plan in place of what it would look like to leave. What do you need? What will co-parenting look like. What would it look like if he tried to fight you for primary custody? All of it. He sounds like he might be a vindictive person. So you have to mentally prepare for all of it. Do NOT let him know that you were leaving until you’re ready especially with a kid. And if he starts being really really sweet, it’s a red flag. He might try to unalive you.
To be honest I’d be getting myself checked to see if he is poisoning you. This sounds awful.