My boyfriend (24) walked out on me (22) tonight after saying no to having sex. We have been together for 6 years. A long time lol. We’ve had our issues but I give grace because we started dating when we were young and have basically grown up together.
We had a pretty typical Sunday, doing house chores, cleaning our cars, etc. I had to leave early (7:30pm) because I was selling an item back at my house. However I made his lunch and put together a dinner for him before I left because he was busy working. I reassured him around 9:30 to not feel obligated to come over because it’s late and he has work tomorrow (he tends to complain when he’s up late at my house and is tired for work the next day). So I wanted to avoid that and just reassure him. He decides to still come over anyways.
We chat for a bit, read our new books for a bit, and then choose to cuddle and put on a podcast. As we’re a couple minutes in he says “do you think we could do anything tonight”. My reply was “you know I’m really tired and not really in the mood and we just had sex last night so I think we can maybe hold off until tomorrow”. Yes LESS than 24 hours ago we had sex. I honestly just wasn’t in the mood because we didn’t go to bed until 3am from his mom and step dad’s wedding and I was in 95 degree heat for 5 hours today.
We continue to cuddle and he says “this isn’t comfortable” he rolls in his side and I ask if he wants me to scratch his back or anything and he says no. I ask him if somethings bothering him and he says no. I just assumed he wanted to go to sleep because it was late. If I continued to pester him and ask then he would’ve gotten upset. It’s a lose lose scenario. I just chose to leave him be thinking he was tired.
As I’m about to fall asleep I hear him get up and I think he’s going to the bathroom. Until I hear his keys jingle… I jump up and I’m wondering why he’s leaving, asking him what’s wrong, what I did to upset him, etc. he proceeds to walk out of my bedroom and just say “I’m done”. I walked out after him again asking him all the same questions because I’m just so confused. And he got in his truck and just said “I don’t want to be with you anymore”.
I’m honestly so confused and flabbergasted. I’m trying to not get angry because that’s the reaction he wants. But this is absolutely infuriating as he has a habit of running away when things are hard instead of literally talking about it and resolving it in 5 minutes.
Just to clarify I know for a fact he is not cheating on me and would not cheat on me. I know based on this story people may jump to that conclusion for advice but I have 1000% certainty that’s not what’s going on (the one thing I do know lol)
TLDR: My boyfriend (24) of 6 years walked out on me (22) tonight after I said I wasn’t in the mood to have sex — even though we had sex the night before. We had a normal day, and I even made him dinner before he came over late. After cuddling and saying I was tired, he got cold and distant, then suddenly left saying “I’m done” and that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I’m completely blindsided and confused. He has a pattern of avoiding communication and running when things get hard, and I don’t know what just happened
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>“I don’t want to be with you anymore”.
Sounds like he broke up with you. For not wanting to have sex two days in a row.
Is this out of character for him? Because this is really gross entitled behavior.
Honestly, I’d probably say “we need to talk about what happened last night and you need to explain exactly why you were so disrespectful or we really are done.”
He was gonna leave you anyway. One night of no sex isn’t the clincher. He was done with or without that. Time to re evaluate what you actually get out of this relationship and why you stay.
Believe him. If your exercising consent is enough to make him leave, let him go. You deserve better. Someone who loves and cherishes you will not treat you this way.
It’s not necessarily when things get hard, it’s when things don’t go his way. He’s a fucking narcissist. Sick fuck.
Maybe the relationship just ran its course, you seem to think because you had sex yesterday that it should tide him over until maybe it happens the next day, I’m not blaming you; you weren’t in the mood you might just have different sex drives
Is this an ongoing problem? Like is there a dead bedroom situation or is it legitimately because you said no once?
What is your question?
Do you want to know if this counts as a breakup? Or if you should break up? Do you want to hear stories how other men react to getting a “no” for sex?
Yes to everything and here is my latest story from yesterday: My bf and I have been very busy last week and could only really have time for ourselves yesterday. My mind and body are sooo tired atm. We were cuddling, I noticed that he’s horny, but we continued to cuddle until he says “sorry I’m horny, but I want to let you rest, you need it the most atm, not a horny bf as another burden. Just tell me in case you are up for sex!” NO pressure NO hard feelings NO bad consequences and I didn’t even have to say no, he just knew I needed to rest. I gave him a hj a bit later and he was happy, but would’ve been fine without me helping as his boner is his responsibility. Story time over, any questions or can you think of some consequences for your life and relationship?
It’s a good thing you don’t have a child with him. You just got a brand new life, with the opportunity to find a true partner who will enhance the next 70 years of your life. This was the starter pack, and now you have all the world to explore and grow with. It was time; this was not your life partner. Never let yourself be used or inferior. Are you advancing your education and career? This is a good time to develop yourself and provide for yourself. He left because he does not want to be part of your amazing and unlimited future. He just wants to fuck. Get out there and change the world and find an actual lover.
What? He broke up with you.
Why? The man can’t communicate.
How? He told you in person although he tried to sneak out of there.
What now? Gave him time to come to his senses. Don’t call, don’t text, don’t go overthere. If you haven’t heard from him in a few days, take someone with you to go overthere and collect your things. Go life your best life. Be carefull he doesn’t come back for just sex. He should have been able to use his words if something has been bothering him for a while.
He’s both too immature to be in a serious sexual relationship and he’s toxic. I know you grew up together but you grew up and managed to surpass him maturity-wise even though he’s older than you.
There are lots of people out there who can handle being rejected for sex sometimes in a LTR (sure, be sad, but not leave in the middle of the night sad), who don’t run away from hard things (which will only keep happening for the rest of your lives), AND who would appreciate how attentive, patient, and doting you are.