I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about a year now and everything else is good despite the fact that we always get into fights because of my busy schedule.
I work from home on an IT sector for a company so sometimes when it’s not too busy I get to respond to her DMs which is what she wants. She wants me to be able to message her constantly despite when I’m working. Recently we got into a huge fight because I was in the middle of work talking to one of my friends and she then says how I’m ignoring her and I’m uninterested in her so she’s not gonna talk to me for the rest of the night, so I admittedly got mad at her because the last thing I want to hear when I’m doing an 8 hour shift troubleshooting IT stuff is her getting mad at me for not responding to her (even though it was only for 2 hours which was the last time I responded to her)
I told her the only reason I take longer to respond to her is because I’m busy and also even though if I’m not busy, I’m normally mentally drained from my job and can’t be bothered to message ANYONE at all because I just want the day to finish which is then when I start focusing my attention on her.
I have no idea what I’m doing wrong and it seems like she just wants my validation every 2 seconds and frankly it is getting to me because I work a side hustle along my normal job so I tend to be very busy in terms of my work, despite this, I’m always calling her at the end of the night and spend time with her every day for at least 1-2 hours. What can I do here? Thanks!
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She’s being unreasonable.
Tell her that you will respond if/when you can but when you’re working, you’re working.
If she can’t deal with that, move on.
It’s not unreasonable to not be available for anything non emergent when you’re WORKING. I don’t even have my notifications on. I check texts when I have a break. My partner knows that if it’s urgent, he should call. General chit chat is not an option most days during work.
Does she not work?
You can continue to set expectations, for example “I will not always be available to respond immediately. I will respond when I am available.” You can also set boundaries, like “I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who gets angry when I don’t respond immediately. I need a partner who understands that I have a full life, and while they are a priority they are not my sole priority.” If this is not the person for you then don’t be afraid to break up.
She sucks and she isn’t going to change. Stop having the same fight, and accept she isn’t interested in a functional relationship.
>…sometimes when it’s not too busy I get to respond to her DMs which is what she wants.
You should probably stop doing that and have a moratorium on all DMs during working hours except lunchtime and emergencies, i.e. road accident, ER visit, and the like. Use your downtime to improve your workflow or shoot the breeze with co-workers or something.
Your GF isn’t that much younger than you but sounds quite immature.