i met my bf 7 months ago online, we live in different countries with different backgrounds with me having a more traditional/ strict environment, we met in person and spent around 2 weeks together, he’s been nothing but respectful to me irl and online, we talk 24/7 and sleep on the phone most days and we have eachother’s locations, he’s told his family about me and his friends, he’s talked to some of my family members and my best friend as well.
a year before we met he was in a long term relationship (5 years) and he was also dealing with a lot of things like his father passing away, him being sick, his mom being sick as well. he told me when we first met that after his breakup he’s been with multiple women and there was a big conflict as he was seeing two people at once that didnt know of one another. but he cut contact with them and has been going to therapy and he’s trying to be a better person.
one of the people he wronged chose to forgive him and stayed friends with him, when we first started talking he encouraged me to talk to her so i feel safer knowing someone who’s around him irl, me and her talked a bit, a few days ago i wanted to ask her for advice and her opinion of my relationship, she then opened up about how he betrayed her and other people at that time, that he makes excuses for his horrible actions and how i should be careful and that it won’t be surprising if he does the same with me, that he used women before and he might be using me, that all the people around him that know about me are concerned about me and say that it won’t work out and that he will eventually hurt me.
the thing is, when he told me about him being involved with people and the conflicts that happened, i never asked him for details, so technically he didnt lie or hide anything, but when i was talking to his friend/ex and she told me about some details it made me feel bad and really scared.
he says that he wants to marry me, and that he is serious and is changing and trying to be honest and open.
i don’t know whats the right move here, i feel like i should ask him more questions, i really can’t afford a heartbreak, i feel a lot of empathy towards him because he’s been through a lot, but also he hasn’t technically lied to me, at least anything that im aware of.
tl;dr : im being warned by my bf’s friends about his past
Comments
What a mess.
There are two possibilities here with this “friend.”
She’s telling the truth. In this case, your boyfriend’s a nut and you should dump him.
She’s lying. But before you immediately go and give your boyfriend the gold star sticker… why is he keeping this woman in his orbit? If she’s lying, the obvious reason WHY she would lie is that she still wants him to herself and that requires you out of the picture.
So yeah… why is your boyfriend keeping a potential romantic rival around?
All of this added to the fact that you’ve spent 2 TOTAL weeks together in a 7 MONTH relationship and he’s already talking marriage…
What you should do here is walk away. This is a minefield, not a solid relationship. While I’m willing to believe he genuinely wishes he were a better person and is trying to improve himself, he doesn’t seem to be going about it in a sane way.
Best case scenario, your boyfriend’s still a mess surrounded by a mess. Worst case scenario, he’s still the same lying snake he always was and he’ll definitely be cheating on you at some point with the silver medalist from his previous relationship competition.