I’ve been best friends with this person (we’ll call him C) for a very long time, around 2 and a half years now. We lived together as roommates, we studied in the same university. And then after graduating we both moved to the same country. He’s a dual citizen of both countries and I am a migrant worker turned student. In around May, a mutual friend of ours T (22M) we knew in university came out to visit and we all three hung out together for about two weeks. But then after T went back home, C completely stopped talking to me. We used to chat over discord every day. Send each other memes and shit, and hang out every few weekends. That has completely stopped.
About a month after he stopped talking to me, I reached out to his mom to ask if she knew what was going on and to make sure he was okay. His mom said ‘One thing he said that he was bothered by last minute cancellations. He puts a lot into planning as you know, and he gets frustrated when things don’t go as planned.’
But I’m not sure if there’s an incident that could be in reference to. I don’t make it a habit to flake on plans unless something unavoidable comes up.
About a week after that I tried to message C again saying the following:
‘Hey it’s been a long time, I don’t know if I did or said something to make you upset but I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to figure out what I did wrong so I can make it right l and I still don’t know, but I wish you would at least tell me.
If you’re really done talking to me that’s your choice and I’ll leave you alone. The only thing I’ll ask is that you’re still willing to help me in an emergency. A lot of places here aren’t willing to rent to me unless I have an emergency contact who lives in this country. And you’re the only person I know here who has known me long enough.
Either way I hope you’re doing well. If you decide you want to talk to me again, I’ll still be here.’
And about 2 days later I got this response:
‘sorry i forgot to respond, yeah you can still use your info for emergency contacts and whatnot. hope school is going well for you’
I just don’t understand. I know it’s not that he’s exceptionally busy, he hangs out with our other university friends on discord. He’s just not talking to me right now. It feels like he’s specifically avoiding me and it hurts. Especially moving to a new country where I don’t speak the language very well and I’m struggling to connect to people socially.
TLDR: my best friend of 2.5 years has completely stopped talking to me and I can’t for the life of me figure out why. So please give me your input on the situation.
Comments
Sometimes friendships end, and sometimes when they end you don’t get closure. It could literally be anything, it could be that he is having family issues, it could be romantic issues, it could be legal issues, it could be mental health issues. All you can do is be open to him coming back into your life when he is ready. You’ve already reached out (and to his mom as well which I find strange and invasive, but whatever), you’ve tried asking him what went wrong, he isn’t being receptive and there is nothing you can do to force it.
I will say, 2.5 years doesn’t seem like a long term friendship to me, even as a 25 year old. By 25 I had friendships that were already nearing the span of a decade.
He probably has a girlfriend. Most men stop talking to women friends when they get a girlfriend, either because their not allowed to or because they were always lowkey interested in you romantically. Wouldn’t be suprised if he was interested romantically and didn’t want to actually be friends.
I’ve noticed that alot of people don’t like to be reminded of their home country. Maybe this is why?
You’re a good friend. Sorry this happened.