My (25F) boyfriend (27M) of 3.5 years was caught on a dating app. He says it was for validation—but I found out he used it for months.

r/

A mutual friend recently told me that my (now ex) boyfriend was active on a dating app. When I confronted him, he admitted it but didn’t tell me the full story. Our friend later told me everything: he had been on the app multiple times between February and June 2025.

When I asked him about using it last month, he initially denied it but eventually admitted it after realizing he couldn’t lie his way out. He claims he never met up with anyone and only downloaded the app to seek validation because he was feeling insecure.

To give some context: our relationship had already been rocky over the past year. He wasn’t putting in much effort anymore, and we were constantly fighting over little things. It felt like we were slowly drifting apart, even though we were still trying to hold on.

Also, he’s been struggling with his mental health- feeling depressed, unmotivated, and generally not in a good place emotionally. I’ve tried to support him, but he hasn’t taken any steps to get help from a professional.

I broke up with him because I felt betrayed- not just by the fact that he was on a dating app, but also by the lying and lack of transparency. Since then, he’s been apologizing and seems genuinely remorseful. He says he regrets everything and wants to fix things.
He also says that he wants to work on himself and get the help he needs.

I’m conflicted. Part of me still loves him, but another part wonders if this is just the final sign that we weren’t meant to last. I also feel like my trust has been broken and I don’t know if this is something we can come back from. Has anyone been through something similar? Is this kind of behavior forgivable, or is it better to move on?

Comments

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  2. Rich-Zebra-8261 Avatar

    Why do you want to be with someone who cheats on you?

  3. MelodicSpin Avatar

    Setting up fake accounts on said dating app and matching with your boyfriend to see what actually happened would have yielded you enough to where it would be unnecessary to make this post at all. You had a golden opportunity at your disposal but you didn’t think outside the box.

    But then again, one would think that the simple fact of an active dating profile during a relationship would be enough.

  4. Squigglysquiddy Avatar

    Girl you made the right decision. It was only a matter of time before he acted on something from the app, if he hasn’t already. He shouldn’t have needed outside validation if he has you. He shouldn’t be thinking about another woman’s perception of him at all. Like it shouldn’t even be in his head. For months, he hid the fact that he had this. For months, he never felt bad enough to log in and delete it, you know what I mean? Think of all the good nights and special moments you have had the last few months, and none of those nights or moments filled with love made him feel bad or guilty enough to log into the app and delete it? No. He didn’t. For me, this would be unforgivable. It isn’t just a one time thing he made out of curiosity in a moment of weakness to just see what it was all about. This is months of deceit, and he isn’t going to give you the whole truth. Who even knows what all was going on and who he was talking to. I know this is heartbreaking, I know the pain. But the pain is better than going to sleep with a man beside you that has made a profile on an app to meet and talk to other women. Stay strong!!!

  5. Old_Week9641 Avatar

    Yeah I also broke up with a guy who cheated on me and he wrote me a beautiful letter about how sorry he was and how he betrayed me and that he was going to get help and better himself to be a man worthy of having me..he cheated on me over and over after I took him back  

  6. Spirited_Health853 Avatar

    Do you want someone who’s in a relationship with you creating an account in a dating app? That’s not a trustworthy partner.

  7. munchumonfumbleuzar Avatar

    Girl, just leave him. He’ll never be any different than this. It will be the same story over and over and over and over until you do finally leave. So just save yourself the trouble.

  8. Asleep_Honeydew4300 Avatar

    I’ll tell you my personal experience with being younger and dating apps

    My first major relationship was at 21/22

    I had been with this girl for 6+ months and even though we were sexual and I found her very attractive I was still seeking validation from members of the opposite sex

    So I joined one of the apps (can’t remember which one) and my sole purpose was to just have women tell me that they want me

    It was weird I know and I should have done therapy then but I didn’t

    Years later I went to therapy and we were able to get down to that my insecurities with the opposite sex was due to my mother never supporting me in anything I did and blaming me for my dads death (yes some Freud level psychology there)

    Now I’m not saying that’s what’s happening here but just showing that it’s not always a super simple explanation

  9. eharder47 Avatar

    It’s normal to feel a draw to someone who was a huge part of your life; it doesn’t mean it’s healthy or good for you.

    I had an ex tell me he cheated on me for a year because I made more money than him (he was in school and worked part time) and he needed validation; what would you say to him? He thought it was appropriate to talk about marriage 2 days later. I laughed and ordered another beer.