My fiancé and I are both 25. We’ve known each other since childhood and have been in a relationship for 6 years. When we first started dating, he was skinny and not very strong. I figured his lack of strength was because of his slender frame and didn’t think anything of it; we were teenagers and I figured he’d get stronger as he filled out.
Well, he’s gained about 60 pounds since then, and his muscular strength hasn’t improved. He struggles to lift me up even though I’m half his weight, and when we’re doing projects that involve carrying things he tires out more quickly than I do even though I’m a petite woman and he’s a large man. His lack of muscle is visibly apparent as well; he’s rather slim in the arms, legs, and chest but has gained a lot of weight in his belly. His body fat percentage is probably a lot higher than typical for his height and weight. He’s been talking about trying to lose weight by eating less, but health-wise, I don’t really think his weight is the problem; his lack of muscle is. He needs to exercise more, not necessarily eat less.
A lot of people in our lives, including his parents, have made comments about his weight and oddly-shaped figure. I know he’s already feeling self-conscious, and I don’t want to add to that by making him think I don’t like his appearance. If it were just about appearance, I wouldn’t feel the need to say anything at all. I’m worried about his health.
Does anyone have any ideas for how to approach this subject kindly, and/or ideas for helping someone who doesn’t like to lift weights build muscular strength and endurance?
TL;DR: My fiancé is self-conscious about his weight. He is slightly overweight but has very low muscular strength/endurance. I want to try to get him to focus on exercising and building strength because I think his lack of muscle is unhealthy, but I don’t want to make him more self-conscious than he already is.
Edit to add: a lot of people are pointing out that there might be an underlying medical issue. While that is possible, I should also mention that he has a sedentary lifestyle. We do cardio together about twice a week, and that’s usually his only exercise. He has an office job and his favorite hobby is video games.
Comments
Does he have a connective tissue disorder like marfans?
Sounds like low testosterone, have him get tested. Tell him you heard online that it might be the cause of his weight gain and he should call his doctor to schedule a blood test
Is something wrong with his liver or heart? Does he see the doctor regularly?
Could you guys do some challenge with each other, like “summer body ready” but whatever would motivate him to hit the gym? If he’s self conscious already, gamifying it and moving it away from pure health (because he likely knows but that hasn’t helped so far) may work to get him started?
This sounds like a possible medical issue.
If he’s skinny but he has a bunch of belly fat then yes, he needs to diet. He’s a skinny guy, is his life negatively impacted in any way other than that you wish he was stronger? This doesn’t really sound like a him problem
He needs a medical workup with a good doctor to rule out muscular or other issues. Better to know now if he does have something to start care sooner than later.
He also needs to work on getting better strength & muscle tone. He may not like weight lifting. But if you want kids with him, he needs to be able to do more without getting wiped so easily (unless you’re willing to be the primary doer). With kids you’re constantly playing with them, chasing them, picking them up, carrying them, cleaning up after them, etc.
Lifting weight is the only way to build muscle.
It doesnt have to be pumping iron at the local meathead gym, but making your muscles resist by using pushing or pulling motiona is the way that they grow. No diet or suplement or device is going to change that.
You can build a completely normal amount of muscle with a body weight fitness routine at home. Push-ups, squats, lunges, crunches, planks. Add in some dumbells and you can do one arm rows on the coffee table. Get a chin up bar for the door frame. There are lots.of resources online for complete bodyweight fitness routines that can be done with minimal equipment in the privacy of your own home.
Another option is to just join a gym, pay for a few sessions of personal training and get used to a program you can do on your own.
As for activities, yoga, climbing, pilates, martial arts, boxing will all build strength to some degree – but if hes not willing to go to a gym I’m not sure he’ll be willing to do any of that stuff.
You’re right that low muacle tone is a health issue. As you get older, a healthy muscle tone is essential to avoiding injury. This is super true in your 60s and 70s and, but even in your 30s there are significant health benefits to being physically fit. Notably voiding alower back pain and knee issues which often crop up around then.
Be his gym buddy. Track your macros together. Within one year you will see a difference, as long as you go 3+ times per week, and he trains at least a couple of sets to absolute failure.
You have to accept people for who they are. He is a person who does not exercise and does not want to. You can’t push that.
If he can’t lift you anymore has your weight changed?
Muscle has nothing to do with health do you just want a man to have muscle