So for reference, I’m 25F & the friends I’m referencing are colleagues (both 55F) whom I’ve worked with for a few years & we’ve got a relationship outside of work.
We usually go for drinks, go for a meal, have done days out or trips – which I know might sound weird given the age gap but we do get along really well. I’d consider them friends as opposed to colleagues.
For the purpose of the story I’ll call them E & M
Last night I was out with E, she was drinking & I wasn’t as I was driving. E ended up getting tipsy & we were talking about her relationship, my relationship & just dating in general.
She made a couple comments like “you had to kiss a few frogs but you got there in the end” & said “I clearly didn’t have a problem finding people to date” to which I just laughed.
But then she elaborated saying her & our other friend M had a conversation when I was dating (last year) about “how I was managing to pull so many decent men” & that they were “baffled” as to how I managed to attract so many decent guys.
E even said that it made her have a conversation with M, saying why is she struggling to find someone when I’m clearly having no problem.
Apparently they both came to the conclusion that I must of had something on my dating profile sexually explicit or offering myself out in order to have got the dates I did, in fact the exact words were “we thought you must have written on your profile that you loved giving blowjobs or that you’d take it up the arse”
To which she laughed & said they were of joking & it was said in jest.
But the thing is I don’t & didn’t find it funny, I’m actually quite offended.
I’ve never thought to myself about any of my friends “how have they managed to date people or attract people”, because I think highly of my friends. I have never questioned any of my friends ability to pull or attract people, because I know they’re good people so of course people would be into them. It’s never been a question in my mind & so I find it weird they’ve even had that thought process.
It also just makes me feel like clearly they don’t think highly of me or rate me much if they don’t think I’d be able to pull many men. Like if they thought highly of me they’d think “well of course she would she’s nice, she’s X, she’s Y”.
But they didn’t, instead they were baffled & rather thought I would have to be hoeing myself out to do so.
Because it clearly started as a genuine curious conversation between E & M as to how I was attracting decent guys, which then led them to crack the “joke” they did.
I find it extremely weird they’ve even had the conversation in the first place let alone the joke which followed.
I’m just really hurt. I feel like it shows they clearly don’t rate me very highly as if they did they wouldn’t question why people would be into me, they clearly feel very comfortable to talk about me behind my back as they both felt confident to have a conversation questioning how I’m pulling the men I am & also just find it offensive they’ve think I could only manage if it I was being sexually explicit.
I really don’t know how to approach having this conversation with them or even if I should remain friends because obviously being work colleagues complicates the issue (as well as the fact we have a few pre paid days out planned for the remainder of the year).
I just need some advice as to whether I remain friends, how I call them out on it or what my approach should be?
TLDR: My (25F) two friends (55F) had been talking behind my back confused as to how I’d been pulling decent men and assumed it must be because I had some sexually explicit thing on my dating profile.
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You get to feel how you feel.
But may I give you a little insight?
These ladies are GenX. No fucks left to give. Dating pool is garbage. Convos often go a little dark and sarcastic. The fact that they were even talking about you at all and acknowledging your success was them thinking “Jesus, do we have to put “daily blow jobs” in our profile or what?”
I can almost promise you that all they were doing was kind of comparing what dating is now in our 50’s vs when we were young and beautiful and could get any guy—like you can now.
This just totally sounds like a convo my best friend and I would have with absolutely no harm meant.