It’s a lot to put into words but me 25f and my “fiancé” 25m are currently not together because he decided to end the relationship for a second time. Both times he ended the relationship it’s because he wasn’t speaking about how he truly feels in the relationship about some of the things that were bothering him. We both aren’t toxic people and if we are doing something to bother one another it’s done unintentionally so when i was doing certain things i didn’t know it was a big problem and then when we get into a disagreement that can be solved he tells me that he just gives up and he’s done with the relationship. We had a conversation about when he left the first time about when he comes back how things need to be different and what needs to change for things to work he agreed and we talked about how we’d make it work and at first he was kinda following it but a few months later i realized he’s not doing it as often and slows down to him doing it probably not at all which resulted in him leaving again. Our relationship moved pretty fast which is a regret of mine and i ended up pregnant based on the security of his lies of “always fighting for each other no matter what” now it’s his second time he’s broken up with me and we talked about trying to fix it same way we did the first time and im the one who pushed for the conversation and to keep the family together but a few days later i wonder if there’s even a point. He’s not a bad guy i feel like hes just a guy with a lot of trauma and issues which we talked about and we said we’d help each other and be there to support each other thru that because im also traumatized from my past and have my own issues that can be frustrating to deal with. When do you really step away? Could you keep fighting for something someone who is so willing to throw everything away? I know he’s just fighting with his emotions and logic but i feel like at a certain point it begins to be too much. It’s not because he leaving me for someone else or anything like that
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Stop trying to fight for him, whether in his conscious mind or in his spirit, he knows it’s not going to work with you, that’s why he keeps breaking it off. Do not keep trying to pull somebody back who is trying to leave.
This relationship is not for you. You’re 25, life is so big and beautiful and long, you will meet more aligned partners in your future. No need to stay engaged to someone who is not engaged in the process.
You ended up pregnant because you had unprotected sex. Not because of anything he said.
Why would you do that?
This isn’t about trauma and issues. He ain’t the one. No one is changing. That’s not how that works. It never works.
But now you have his baby. Yay.
Be a good rolemodel for your future child by not settling for less than bare minimum. If he cannot provide loyalty and stability, he’s not fit to be your partner. You can’t create a stable environment for yourself or your kid on distrust, and you should also stop making excuses for him while you’re at it.
People pleasing and avoiding conflicts is typical behaviour for people with trauma’s. He will keep doing that, build resentment and do the same again unless he goes to therapy. Pity that a child is also involved. Good luck with it.
You aren’t fighting for him or for your relationship. You’re refusing to accept the FACT that he does not want to be with you. It’s not trauma honey.. grow up. It’s much easier to pretend he’s broken than accept he doesn’t want to be with you.
Im honestly getting pretty fucking sick of reading these. You just wrote and entire 12 page essay on what he keeps doing and how he keeps leaving and blah blah.
That long conversation the first time he left,.. where you BOTH were supposed to try harder and make it work??? He did it at first, right? And then after a little while he did it less often???? And then eventually not at all??? And then, boom, he’s leaving again???????
Where are you in all of that? What are you suppose to be “trying harder” on?? Pointing a finger at him more? Spending all your time blaming him and picking apart every behavior he has???
Who in the hell would wanna stay?
You need to properly break up and I think you’re very wise both need therapy. Try to develop a good coparenting relationship.
Wait what do you mean you got pregnant because of immature platitudes? I don’t get it