My GF 23F “Lucy” and me M25 are together for about 4 years and things are going good. We barely fight and care a lot for each other. But there is one recurring controversy.
But at first I want to clafiry that I dont consider myself as a jealous guy. She has a few guy friends and them hanging out without me never bothered me. Even when she and one of them went to the movies together a few times I had absolutely no problem with it. I am very confident regarding the relationship and she would never cheat or something (me neither).
Now to the problem. There is this really slimy guy lets call him “Sam” M23. I personaly dont know him but I never heard anything good about him. And I think I have to make it clear him and Lucy had no relationship in any sort of way. They were no friends they never met up. They barely knew each other from school and partys. So they have each other on pretty much every social media plattform. But you know ho you have a lot of “friends” on there which you barely know.
In the time previous to our relationship he already made some gross comments on snapchat like how she would love to get fucked by him but she never entertained it at all. When we got together she still had a bunch of guys on snapchat which is no big deal for me so I never thought about it because she was only sending a few pics from her day to day life to everybody.
Sam and Lucy texted from time to time. Every 2-3 months nothing extraordinary. But one day he just decided to send her a dickpick. She told him if he sent something like this ever again she would block him. She told me about it and I was just like wtf please block him immediately but she never went through with it and I didnt think about it after that conversation so it faded away. A few weeks later he responded to a bikini pic of her that he would like to see whats underneath and when she told me about it she didnt seem to be upset with Sam it was just like hey I ate a pizza for dinner. At this point I got a little bit pissed because he knew that Lucy had a bf so I felt disrespected and I hate it when guys talk like this to women (not to mention the dickpick which is absolutely disgusting). I am not proud of that but I took her phone and blocked him on snapchat and whatsapp. She didnt mind me blocking him so I thougt this was over.
Fast forward a few months and we are reading through her old Facebook chats for fun. So as we laughing at her cringy first attempts at flirting as a teenager I think I spotted Sam’s name in the contact list. As I asked her about it she locked her phone and tried do deny it. But she gave in very quickly. Sam wished her happy birthday and so they sent some texts.
Lucy said she felt obligated to say thank you and to entertain the conversation for a little bit. Which doesnt make sense because she never responded to anyone she didnt like or know even for her birthday. So I told her how disrespected I felt and that I thougt I made myself clear the last time. She just told me he is not such a bad guy that he is just little bit weird and I shouldnt make a big deal out of it and she wont text him in the future.
Fast forward again to yesterday. She texted me during the day that she had something to confess to me. I think you wont be surprised to find out that she texted him again. He reached out on instagram because he was blocked everywhere else and she responded again.
At first it was this superficial catching up but then he asked if we are still together and when she said yes he cursed and told her she could send him nudes anyway. This is what sent her over the edge she blocked him and told me how sorry she was that she felt used and that he is disgusting.
I am not even angry I just feel so disapointed in her. I have the feeling she doesnt respect me or our relationship. I told her how this whole situation made me feel and she texted him anyway again and again. I wonder if she would have even told me if Sam hadnt messed it up.
To be fair she never texted him at first and of course she never cheated on me or had plans of doing so. Thats not the issue. I just have the feeling that she does what she wants no matter how it makes me feel. And I cant wrap my head arround it as I said they have no relationship and its not like he is good looking. I just dont get it.
I went home and told her I need time to think.
Do you think I have overreacted and its no big deal what she did? How would you handle your partner constantly ignoring your wishes?
Tldr: my gf keeps texting with this horny creep she doesnt really know. I told her it makes me feel bad but she didnt stop for a long time
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She likes the attention.
She wanted some attention or is stupidly naive. Both are pretty bad and it’s probably the first choice honestly. Fringe emotional cheating imo, you made your feelings clear and she totally disrespected you, your relationship and herself by entertaining this dick-pic sending loser. I wouldn’t trust her at all from now on, chances are she will text him again if he finds some other platform to communicate.
You need to grow a spine and have some respect for yourself. She likes the attention from said guy(s), if the tables were turned and you were texting a girl who clearly wanted you sexually, she would one hundred percent have a problem with it
“and things are going good.”
No they’re not, did you forget about your post title? She’s liking the attention AND disrespecting your relationship. It doesn’t get more black and white than that.
This guy is clearly exceeding boundaries and you have every right to feel uncomfortable about imo. And it’s very problematic that your gf hasn’t set clear boundaries from the beginning honestly.
I don’t really know why you’re so certain about her loyalty. I would already second guess a lot about her.. but I’m also not the calmest when it comes to trust issues.
All I can say your disappointment is highly justified and you shouldn’t suppress it. You should be able to communicate it clearly and openly with her. If she validates your emotions, then that’s step 1 on trying to work on your relationship. Which ofc doesn’t mean that there is nothing wrong with her, but maybe it’s something more innocent than what it looks like. Eg she is being naive and ignorant of this guy’s intentions. Hope this helps 🙂
Sorry to hear that you’re going through something like that. I would take a few days to cool off then I would sit her down and explain to her how disrespectful that she has been and that she evidently doesn’t respect or appreciate the relationship. I would just give her an ultimatum that there is complete and total transparency going forward. That she has lost your trust and respect for the relationship and that you are considering about going your separate ways. The only way that you would even consider staying together is complete and total honesty and transparency. Relationships are built on honesty and faithfulness and trust period. Never ever say that you don’t think she would ever cheat because she will. Just look at what’s happened so far so yes she will cheat if given the chance.
A mí esposa un tipo una vez le mando foto del nepe, mi esposa ni lo conocía ni había interactuando con ese tipo, el le escribió ese día varias veces diciéndole cosas y al final le mando las fotos, mi esposa lo fue a denunciar a la policía y después de la denuncia me llamo para contarme, cuando llegue a casa me mostró todos los mensajes q le envío, ella no contesto ninguno, me mostró la denuncia y lo bloqueo, aclaro yo confío en ella y se qnjo haría nada para cagar nuestra vida y la vida de nuestras hijas, así q le pregunté porq no solo lo bloqueo y ya, su respuesta fue, no quiero q se den malentendidos q puedan hacer tambalear lo q tenemos, y le dije gracias por ser como eres te ganaste un tu churrasco bien bueno, aclaro a ella no me la hecho a la bolsa con rosas peluches y esas cursilerías, esa mujer realmente ama la comida y soy bien cocinero, ahí es donde me hago grande con ella, pero a lo q voy es q una mujer q se respeta desde el momento q le mando esa foto lo hubiera bloqueado y denunciado y no seguir con esa mierda de no es malo solo es raro. Así q al final tu tomas la decisión pero este es mi punto de vista.
it’s just your turn bro, no sane woman would bear with a friend who sends dpics. she is an attention addict which she prefers over the almost non existent love she has for you. like your love is so low it can’t win against a dpic of a disgusting guy, so do what you want. from how you sound i don’t think you would mind wearing a green hat, so everything might work out for you guys at the end.
best wishes.
Clear case of a person needing to be validated by someone. Also a clear case that she’s not ready to be in a serious relationship. If you stay with her you shouldn’t be surprised if you find out much, much worse.