We’ve been together for almost 5 years and I’m feeling kind of tired of this situation. Currently I’m employed and pay all the bills. She has just graduated and is “kind of” looking for a job.
The problem is: she never sends CVs or tries to do anything to get a job. I got her an interview at a nice place. I told her to practice for the interview (in software engineering, you will normally have to program something live while the interviewer assesses your skills). She just doesn’t do it. She spends all day sitting in the couch in her cellphone. Sometimes she helps with chores but most things I have to do myself.
She is never motivated to practice for the interviews, or to send CVs anywhere, or to help with the chores in the house, or even to shower. We’ve also been having intimacy problems for a while and whenever I talk to her about this she also mentions that if she doesn’t feel motivated to shower, then she’s also not motivated to initiate anything.
I don’t really mind that she doesn’t have a job right now or that it takes sometime for her to find a job, but I would like to know that while I’m giving all I can at work (where it’s been real stressful lately, they have been firing people), she is doing something to try to find a job.
She has depression but she takes antidepressants and goes to therapy. We think she also has ADHD but we’re not sure. I’m worried that even with ADHD meds things might not change a lot and I will continue to be in a relationship in which I feel I put 90% of the effort. Whenever we talk about this she also feels bad and asks “why do I love her” but I don’t see her doing anything to change. Even with therapy and antidepressants, I was the one who had to ask her to go to a psychiatrist (who diagnosed and recommended meds) and to a therapist. I’m also been paying that treatment.
What can I do to improve this situation? It feels like we’re going in circles after years of trying to improve this.
TL;DR: It feels like I’m putting all the effort in the relationship while my gf is barely trying. I try to be empathetic and compassionate because she has mental health issues but things haven’t really changed a lot and I don’t see her putting effort in improving her mental health (even when I offer her to pay all the treatments/meds she might need).