Hi everyone!
My fiancée and I have been going through a rough patch. She has certain expectations, like getting a gift when she’s promoted or me bringing up trips she wants to take (like going to Hawaii), but I’ve had trouble meeting those because I’m juggling multiple jobs and responsibilities.Because of this, she often sends me messages like, “I don’t feel good” or “I’m scared you’ll neglect me.”
Recently, she told me she’s been having doubts about whether I can make her truly happy in the long run. She’s actually been feeling this way for a while, even when I was visiting her, but she didn’t have the courage to say it until now when we’re so close to the finish line. She mentioned that she’s open to trying couples counseling after we’re married, but if things don’t improve within a year, we would want to consider divorce.
Now I feel torn and unsure what to do next. I’m looking for advice as to whether we should even still continue the wedding, or if there’s a way to salvage this?
Thank you for reading!
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Don’t marry someone that is already planning to divorce you!
She sounds immature and entitled. Call off the wedding and you’ll be glad you dodged the bullet.
Its common for some people to have doubts before their wedding because of just the fear or overall stress. But when she said that she doesn’t know if you can truly make her happy in the long run .. that’s not good. Don’t marry someone unless they are sure they want to be with you. Divorce can get expensive and messy.
The grass is always greener…
You don’t go into a marriage with serious doubts while your fiancée tells you she’s uncertain and already talking about marriage counseling and divorce!
Also, it’s not your role in life to make someone happy. Does she ever talk about she’ll make you happy or mainly how you can make her happy?
If you were my son, based on what you’ve written here, I would strongly caution you about getting married to her. At a minimum postpone the wedding for a year.
Better a broken engagement than a divorce.
Tell her she’s right: she should go find someone who can make her happy the way she expects.
You’re young and a year from now you’ll look back with relief.
Updateme
Please don’t go through with this wedding. She’s already thinking about divorce! Go to couples counselling BEFORE you even consider getting married.
Do not continue with the wedding. She might not be brave enough to call it off, but you have to. You both should be happy about getting married and excited for the future, but at the very least, you two need a more solid foundation to your relationship before taking that step – do a year’s couple’s therapy if you wish before you reschedule any wedding. Getting married now while thinking that it might end in divorce in a year would be a terrible stressful and hurtful thing for each of you to put yourselves, and each other, through.
She is worried that you won’t “make her truly happy”. Making her happy involves gifts and trips (does she expect to contribute to any expenses for those?).
Does she worry about making you happy? Does she buy you gifts, or make them if she has no money? Does she say that you are not giving her what she needs, aside from material things?
If this is just about money, how do you intend to keep her happy when you already have several jobs?
She’s also says she’s game planning divorce just before you wed.
Marriage is a partnership where both people give and take. OP, it’s up to you what you want to do. But I think I would postpone this wedding for both your sakes while you sort out your expectations for the marriage, if not cancel all together.
The marriage ceremony isn’t the finish line – it’s the starting line for the rest of your lives together.
Abort Abort. Cancel the wedding. It’s a lot better than getting divorced.
No. I’m a woman. I’m a lot older. Marrying her would be the biggest mistake of your life. It’s not a spouse’s job to make the other happy. In a good marriage, we add to each other’s happiness. Everything you are bringing up is about money and gifts. It’s a one way street. I’m sure you don’t have a prenup so you are already screwed. Not salvageable. She’s already planning a divorce. You mentioned visiting her. You don’t even live in the same place? No. Do not go ahead.
WTF! She’s already thinking about divorce before the marriage has even begun. Please cancel the wedding. Divorce is way more expensive and heartbreaking than a broken engagement.
Nope, don’t get married if either of you is unsure. Is this a long distance relationship? Are you a ‘passport bro’? You mentioned when you visit her. The writing is on the wall.
Don’t get married, she’s been having doubts for a while. On top of that she’s worried you’ll neglect her on material things no less. What’s the point in getting married and going straight to counseling and if by a year things don’t improve go through and expensive divorce?
I would call the wedding off and breakup. If you still want to work on it go to couples counseling, you don’t have to be married to do that.
“she’s been having doubts about whether I can make her truly happy in the long run” Since when is it your job to make her “truly” happy? What even is “truly happy”? That sounds like a moving target you will never hit.
Why not look for a girl who sees it as BOTH of you making each other happy?
If both of you put the other person’s needs,wants,desires etc before their own you will have two people who are quite happy. She sounds like she sees marriage and her happiness as your responsibility. So there is a one hundred percent chance you will fail,she will complain that she knew you were a loser all along and you will feel like sheisse.
Don’t do it man.
Info: You described bare minimum effort that she’s asking from you (daily check-in, celebrating a major life event at work for her, etc.)
What is the reason you’re not doing those things? Are you depressed? Do you don’t have healthy role models in your life?
Do you believe a man should not be doing those things?
I’m genuinely confused here. She is literally asking for scraps.