I (26F) met my BF (35 M) 9 months ago and he was always upfront about his past. He told me on our first date he was married for three years to a British woman(35F) he wanted to help move from the UK. He also told me that he has no contact with for the last 4 years, and wishes her no ill will, but was miserable from early on their relationship. Essentially, he stated many times that he never loved her, and she was verbally/ physically abusive. I never asked beyond the bare minimum details of their relationship, but he would always bring up how unhappy he was in his marriage.
Cut to last week. He was grabbing a food delivery order and left his phone with the confirmation details. I was running to give it to him, and an email notification pops up from his ex wife (the actual content of the message I did not see, just her name on the email). He could tell something was wrong later on in the night, and I asked him when the last time he saw his wife. He gave me a funny look and maintained a couple years back. I asked if he still talked to her, idk like via email, and he folded. He confessed he has seen her in person (earliest he would admit was 4/5 months ago) and would occasionally help her paying bills, handling taxes, etc. h
He maintains that there is nothing romantic between them, he just feels guilty because he feels he “took her away from her home” to move to the US. He swears that when he realized he was in love with me, he told his ex that he would no longer help her. He said he didn’t want to tell me because it is over, and he didn’t want me to get the wrong idea about his feelings (or lack thereof) for her.
I do not know what to believe. This is my first real adult relationship, but I have been betrayed with infidelity in the past. I can’t help but get the same pit in my stomach feeling in this relationship. I really love him, and before this things were going very well.
I don’t know if I am being extra paranoid from my past relationships, or if his actions are something I should consider to be a dealbreaker. My friends are all telling me if he lied about this, he lied about other things, but he says I can ask him anything and he will answer it all. Is it possible for me to move on?
Tl;DR: my boyfriend talked to his ex wife recently, despite saying he hasn’t had contact in years. Says he did it to not hurt my feelings. Should I believe him?