I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for about a year and a few months. Around 6 months in, he started pushing for a baby, but I told him I want marriage first (our religion and culture value that). He said marriage was “too long a process” but still insisted on a baby.
A few months ago, I found out he was in a 3-month romantic relationship with another woman. He told her he was single, called her “babe,” and spoke to her the same way he spoke to me. He only admitted it when I showed proof. He partly blamed me for “hesitating” about having a baby.
He claims they’re done, but still follows her, keeps her number saved, and is secretive with his phone. Now he’s talking about coming home in December, but I feel his main goal is still to have a baby, not rebuild trust.
I’ve cut contact for 4 days and I’m trying to heal, but the pain is heavy. Will it get better, and will I ever trust again? I keep wondering if we can work it out
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yes, you will get better and be happy you dodged a bullet. time heals all wounds
edit – absolutely do not try to work it out with him
You can’t. He will lever be faithful.
Stay away from him no reason to even talk … DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH THIS MEN
I truly hate to say that it’s a long and hard road for it to get better. A start would be him cutting off all contact with her and losing her social media and phone number. If he’s not even willing to do that, then I don’t see much hope.
Get away from him he has ALL rhe red flags and some more. Cheating, gaslighting and
Don’t have children with someone so early on. If he’s not ready for marriage, he’s not ready for a baby. A baby is a bigger commitment to me than marriage because that baby isn’t going anywhere regardless. A relationship can easily end.
He clearly didn’t value this relationship.
I understand that it hurts, but you deserve better than this.
I am not sure what your religion is but I would say it’s time to move on he does not value you and if you take him back he more than likely will value you even less. The fact that he is still acting that way after being caught is a huge red flag. Having a child is a huge deal you want to ensure you pick your partner wisely and if you said marriage first is what you want and believe in then stick to that don’t let him come in and change that. Marriage can be as quick or as long as you make it and even if he now chose to get married he already showed he was unfaithful you can’t expect him to be faithful in marriage at the rate he’s going. I hope the helps please pray and reflect and know you are valuable to the Lord
Honest, make yourself done with him. The issue about the baby is just irrelevant detail. He’s a worthless c**t. It wouldn’t surprise me if he actually thinks he’s done nothing wrong.
A few months ago you found out and he’s still your boyfriend. That means he think he got away with cheating and will just hide it better. You only been with this guy for about a year. Why are you putting up with this? I swear you can do a lot better than him.
Also let’s tell it how it is.
He wants to baby trap.
So he can cheat and do whatever he wants and you won’t leave because you’ll be a stay at home mom and not working or it will be hard for you to leave with a baby. Please leave this guy alone. Trust us you will be able to find someone better.
Had a friend who had a baby with a guy she only dated for a month. Of course he still kept in contact with his ex and once my friend found out she couldn’t leave because she worked part time and needed him to help watch the kid. Now they not together but like 3 years later and she still living with him because it’s hard for her to keep a job while being the main caregiver.
Yes, I know it’s hard, you made the right decision and you will be able to move on. It hurts when you’re the person cheated on. I believe you will be able to recover from this and find peace and happiness with another.
He doesn’t want to marry you but wants a baby with you because that way you will be forced to be tied to him for life but he will still be able to run around with other women while you’re stuck at home caring for the kid because he won’t be married and will still feel like he has that extra freedom to get with other women.
And I can’t think of a single religion/culture where getting legally married is a longer process than the 9 months it takes to grow a fetus. He’s full of crap.
Palusot lang and gaslighting pa. Tsk tsk just give him to other willing to be baby mamas
Do not let this POS weasal his way.
Please repeedt yourself and do not forgive this man, let alone have a baby with him. You could do a lot better
He will always cheat and you will have a miserable life as his baby mama. Please find someone worth marrying. This guy is not marriage material.
I’m sorry but this man said he wanted a baby then CHEATED?
Absolutely not.
You will heal, and find a man who’s committed and head over heels in love with you, and you can have a baby with him or not, because he’ll respect your choices and pace.
This man you had is garbage. Useless. And if you have a baby with someone like that, he’ll hurt your child just like he hurt you. Please block him, and take your space and heal. You deserve better.
Stay cut off, you did the right thing. You have to remember, being the girl you have the upper hand in dating at first. You have all the choice. What makes women endure shitty men like him, is the belief they can’t find anyone better, or maybe the romantic idea of “changing” the guy.
Trust. You’re way better off finding someone else. Hang in there.
Block him and never see him again. This guy sucks in so many ways.
Run. Pack a bag and jump on a rocket if you have to.
GTFO of there!
He has from day for been trying to baby trap you. Do you even want kids?!?!?!
Leave him and don’t let him back in. Time heals all wounds.
Bluntly, he’s not worthy of you. And yes, there are amazing men out there that will appreciate you. It hurts, it takes time, but in the end you’ll be better off with someone else who cares about you.
You need some tough love op. There is too much feeling sorry for yourself in this post.
Why would you even want to bring a baby into this world with someone like him? Do you honestly think that would be a healthy situation to raise a kid in? Does NOBODY think of this shit before having a baby with someone? He’s not stable, reliable, or a good partner and nothing you’ve said from his behavior suggests he would be a good dad.
I honestly don’t see what’s hard about this at all. He cheated, then blamed you – HE BLAMED YOU FOR NOT BEING HIS READY-MADE WOMB WHEN YOU’VE TOLD HIM YOU AREN’T READY – then blamed YOU. He dodges accountability and responsibility like it’s his job. You’d be dumb to consider this arrangement and a single parent from the GO. Get your sense about you. The entirety of this post is crazy. Your second guessing yourself is nuts! A baby isn’t a small thing or a meet you half way thing. Stop it.
Why are you still giving this man the time of day?
Stop trying to understand his logic. His logic is this: I want to have everything I can have and I will do whatever I need to do to get my way. I don’t care about women, they exist to make me feel good and to give what I want. I’m only nice to them to convince them to do so.
People like this exist and they’re pretty good at being charismatic, lying to your face and at seeming normal. Trust his actions, not his words. Know that most people aren’t like this, you can do so much better.
No no and can I say again NO, I’m proud that you stuck to marriage first than kids mantra, this just saved your life in more ways than one!!!
That corney old saying “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free; is perfect for this senerio here. (he knew what he was trying to do🤬🤬)
If you did have a child or get pregnant you would have been stuck to this scumbag for the rest of your life a literal death sentence. No ring 💍 NO BABIES🍼
He wants to talk to that other girl and make babies with her so be it, trust me and if that other girl is smart🙏🏾🙏🏾 she will run for the hills too
You keep your head up the right person will respect your descison especially with something like kids.
Your amazing queen!!!
Please don’t give in and speak to him much less have sex with him. He’s trying to baby trap you so you’ll be tied to him forever. He’s still cheating and will continue to do so.
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS LOSER.
You’re young and you’re going to ruin your life by saddling your horse to his wagon. What has he proven to you to make a child? That he doesn’t respect your boundaries? That he his unfaithful? That he gaslights you to get what he wants?
He should be bending over backwards for you to prove he is father – husband material to make you feel confident enough to have his children. He SIMPLY has not done any of that and that is the bare minimum.
Please also stick to your values and only have kids after marriage if that’s what you want. Do not let someone convince you otherwise. There is so much less commitment to common law relationships than married in some countries. So your rights might not exist as strongly.
Have you considered that his side piece is in reality just as important to him as you are? Sit with that for a while.
For the love of God, keep your legs closed and keep him the f* away from you. Hell I would even warn the other girl, this guy is a narcissist and just interested in some baby kink. He was literally cheating on you and when confronted his response was, well you didn’t agree with me so.. I want to go find another f*** toy? Hell no. Hell no no no.
I’ve given this advice before on breakups that need to happen, this needed to happen and you need to maintain your distance and block him. You’re going to go through severe emotions, expect it, embrace it.
You’re likely already in the pain stage where your daily routines were steady and now they’re not, you had certain things you relied on that he provided as simple as just being physically present to socially available. It feels like somebody’s plucked that out of your heart doesn’t it? It sucks, but it’s necessary. Like treating the Deep infection. You’re going to go through stages where you’re going to question your actions repeatedly. Hold your ground and keep him the f*** away from you. And keep yourself from him. He may try to make up excuses to see you when you block him, don’t let him. He’s going to try and honeymoon you, Google it, and still block him. Your mind will try to defend itself because you are in pain, you will start to forget all of the bad things and just remember the good things. I encourage you to keep a journal, or a checklist with he is a cheater at the top and a liar. Whenever you feel yourself wavering remind yourself of that list and physically look at it, Hell copy them to another piece of paper if you have to.
That’s a little bit of what to expect. Now for some coping strategies that I found are helpful. First rely on your good friends, not mutual friends, your family if they’re healthy, and find new social Avenues that are healthy. Try to stay busy as best you can, find something you’re interested in, go take a new class, learn a new hobby, it doesn’t need to cost anything, but you need to engage your brain on something constructive and not isolationist tendencies. When I went through a terrible breakup, I’m a nerd so I binged all of the Lord of the Rings. I’m not proud of it, but I watched the extended versions and then I watched the making of which was just as long. But it kept my mind occupied and helped.
I’m sorry this happened to you, but thank God you did not have a baby because you would have been in a world of a shitstorm if you did. You dodged not just a bullet, you dodged a missile. Best of luck
You would be a fool to tie yourself to him. That man just wants to baby trap you he doesn’t have any intentions to be a faithful man to you or to anyone else. It will get better it will hurt less and less each day and there will come a time when you will pat yourself on the back for dodging this bullet.
Girl, who hurt you for you to have so little self respect to stay with this pos?
He’s NOT boyfriend or husband material. He’s a dirty dog looking for b#tches to make single mothers. He’s 100% still cheating with her and most likely others and will continue cheating on you. He does NOT love you, he does NOT care about you and he does NOT respect you.
Leave him immediately. Get some therapy to heal and build up your self esteem and find a man that actually values and respects you.