EDIT: I think people are getting confused by my question. I am wondering whether I should talk to him about the lying. My question is not whether I should talk to him about the gaming habits themselves.
Hello, this is sort of a weird thing and I (26F) feel awkward asking my friends about it—so here I am. Basically, I’ve caught my boyfriend (28M) lying right to my face about his video game habits a few times now and I don’t really get why he isn’t being honest with me. I really do not like lying in a relationship, even if it is about innocuous things: Still, I’m not sure if it’s actually that big of a deal—is it worth a conversation, or would it be best to just let it go?
We’ve been together four years, lived together for three. During that time, he’s always played a lot of video games. I have 0 problems with him playing video games as a hobby—I even got him a PS5 for Christmas this year. Since I got him the PS5, his video game playing has definitely increased a lot. Any time we have down time he’s playing games. I don’t mind and have never told him that he needs to stop or anything.
He works fully remote (software development) and I work at an office, so I’m gone all day. Today, I had a doctor’s appointment and was planning to work from home after. I ended up finishing the appt earlier than expected and got home a bit early (around mid-morning). When I walked in, I could hear the sound of the PS5 power button being turned off. He was standing up like “oh hi” when I stepped around the corner. The video game controller was on the coffee table, and the drawer where he keeps his gaming stuff was open. Basically, it was very clear he was playing video games. Here’s how the conversation went:
He was standing there all awkward, so I was like “hi. Uhh, whatcha doing?”
He said, “working.”
I looked him up and down (he’s still standing up) and said, “oh?”
“Yeah, I was working on the couch for a bit today.”
“Really? Why’s your gaming stuff out?”
“Oh, well I was gaming for a bit before 9.”
“Before 9? It kinda seems like you were playing them when I came in.”
“Well, I was sort of playing them on and off with work.”
Eventually came to light that he’d just been playing games all morning. I’m a little annoyed that he lied to me about it, especially when it was so clear that he was lying. Like I get that playing games while on the clock isn’t something to be proud of, but I’m not his boss…
I was thinking afterward that this type of thing has happened before a few times. One example was a period of time where he was unemployed for a few months. He always told me that he worked a full work day in terms of sending out job applications during that time. Well, a couple of weeks after a new game came out, he was talking to my brother and mentioned that he’d already beaten the game, and that it had taken him about 80 hours. I was like, hold the phone, 80 hours? It had only been a couple of weeks and he hadn’t played it any time when I was around him—it was clear that he’d been playing it all day while he was unemployed, and then just fully lying to me about what he did all day. He didn’t really have an explanation at the time and just reiterated that he just played games “some” of the day.
TL;DR: My boyfriend has lied to my face about his gaming. I don’t like the idea that he’s lying to me like this, even if it is about something small.
Is this something to have a conversation about, or best to let it go? If a conversation, what do I even say?
Comments
Well, this is definitely something to have a serious talk about. Tell him you’re in a relationship that needs to be built on honesty and transparency. Otherwise, you’ll stop trusting him.
Do the games mess up his work at all? Like is he behind or gotten warnings or anything?
Just come right out and say “I know you haven’t been honest with me about the amount of time you spend gaming. Why is that?”
It definately warrants a discussion – the lying I mean, not the gaming. My concern is what else does he lie about.
Yikes, I’d seriously start reconsidering the relationship at this point and I have some things in common with your boyfriend. I’m a married woman, self employed, work from home and I play videogames as well (in moderation). But if I play videogames that day, it will be only after my work is done, or on Saturdays when I take the day off from work. I’ve dated a couple of guys that played videogames to that extent– the games always came first. One of those guys left me crying on the sidewalk outside my house because he stood me up for a date. I called his asking him where he was and he lied and said that he fell asleep. But I heard his videogames in the background. The lying is bad but the overall lack of responsibility is worse. I’d be icked out if my spouse was consumed by games like this.
It’s obvious that he feels guilty about it hence the lying, but either way that’s not an excuse for lying to you about it.
I also wonder if it’s affecting his work. Since he’s been unemployed before and has lied about gaming when he should have been searching for jobs, do you know if he’s doing ok with his current job? That’s something i would be worried about tbh.
I think a sit down conversation needs to happen. Reassure him that it’s ok if he’s gaming and doesn’t need to lie to you about it, but you need to know if it’s affecting his job and whether or not you should be worried about that. Hopefully he doesn’t lie about that as well.
Is his gaming affecting his work or is he able to do both? I get the lying part is bad and he shouldn’t have done it, but if he’s gaming but getting his work done on time, then I don’t see the issue at all.