My (26F) by (32M) says that I don’t spend enough time with him and doesn’t like that I’m too busy. Advice on best way to make time for a bf?

I (26F) have an admittedly busy schedule. My bf (32M) has been saying that I’m too busy and that I don’t make enough time for him. This was after a particularly busy week. I tried to text and call him but he wasn’t responding for a couple days (just saying stuff like “I’m busy” or “can’t call” via text. After two days, we were finally able to talk and said that he was upset because i ‘make time for everyone and everything else, but not for him’.

On the one hand, I can see where he’s coming from. I am super busy with a lot going on. And if he’s feeling neglected or left out, then what he’s feeling is valid. On the other hand, I disagreed with him saying that I make time for everyone else. This turned into an argument and I feel like my perspective wasn’t being heard.

So my life looks like this. I work remotely from 8-2pm everyday. It’s a corporate consulting job so there’s tons of travel. I’m also taking a swim class at the local community college once a week around 5pm. My sister (25F) who’s still in college commutes and stays at my apartment Sunday and Wednesday nights. I volunteer at the animal shelter once a month and also do pet sitting on the side. I have a pretty good social group, with 3 or so friends in town, and a friend group that’s spread out. All of us have flexible corporate jobs do we travel maybe once every two months from city to city around the US (NY, SF, Austin, Boston, Miami and me in Detroit). Every Tuesday I spend time with my one friend ‘Jenny’ and every Thursday I spend time with my other fiend ‘Ally’. I usually spend my weekends and maybe 1-2 days in the week with my bf. However, i haven’t been seeing him that much during the week.

On the surface I look really busy, but most of the times I spending time with other people I wouldn’t be able to spend time with my bf anyways. Or, he can spend time with me, but choses not to.

For example, I see Jenny once a week because we both work remote. This is usually at a coffee shop during work hours. Then I’m free after work.

Ally’s job is right across from my apartment so we usually have lunch together on her lunch breaks at my place.

My bf’s also has a hybrid/flexible work schedule. He can work remote or in the office, and can choose his hours of work. He usually choses to work from 11:30-7pm in the office (some of his coworkers do 9-5 or 8-4). I’ve asked him if he’d like to work remotely together at a coffee shop, and he said no he likes the office.

My swim class is from 5-6 on Wednesdays so he’s usually at work anyways.

I usually pet sit while I work remote at home. This is either doggy daycare from 9-3 or 30 minute dog walking on my lunch break.

For travel, our company lets us take people with us! My coworker takes her husband and kids. Another took her fiancé on the work trip to Germany. Whenever I asked if he’d like to come, he usually says no because he’d feel awkward around my coworkers.

I’ve also invited him on my friend trips and he’s said the same thing.

I get that not everyone like to volunteer, but it’s something I’m passionate about. I’ve asked him if he’d be open to volunteering with me but he also declined- which fair, animal shelter are a lot.

Lastly, he’s upset that my sister stays with me. I get that, but whenever shes over she is usually sleeping or in my office doing homework. She could literally care less what im doing. I’ve told him this before but he’s said that “i should spend time with my sister” instead of coming to his place. Again, i feel like i wasn’t being heard.

I told him all of this and that i think the issue has more to do with our free time not aligning. I’m usually free after 2pm on weekdays. He’s free after 7pm and goes to bed around 2am. For most of last year, I’d got to his place in the evening. But this led to me going to bed around 1 or 2 and still having to wake up at 7 for work. I was always tired and was running on Celsius and adhd meds. A couple months ago, after a psych and physical exam I told him that i needed to prioritize my sleep schedule. He said he understood when i said that I couldn’t follow his sleep schedule anymore.

His response to all of this was that I should stop doing pet sitting, volunteering and to travel with my friends less. I agreed that instead of traveling with my friends we could take more trips together, he said yes but then said it might be too expensive (he makes 80k i make 95 + 8k from pet sitting). He also suggested that my sister could stay with one of my other siblings (none of which she likes and they all have little kids in the house). I told him that pet sitting makes up a good part of my income and that he’s at work anyways so I’m not sure how it makes a difference. He then said “the reason I’m tired throughout the day is because of pet sitting, volunteering, my sister and my friends and that’s the reason I didn’t have energy to stay up with him at night and was loosing sleep”.

I asked him why he couldn’t just wake up earlier and go to work at 9 so that we’d have more time during the day. He then said it wasn’t fair for me to ask him to change his work schedule because his job is ‘important’ (he does research on infectious diseases at the local university). At that point I lost it and said he was being selfish.

Part of me wonders if I should take stuff off my plate. The other part of me wonders what’s normal for partners spending time with each other when then both have social and work lives. Any advice is welcome.

TLDR; Bf 32M wants me 26F to do less social activities, volunteer and work less to spend time with him. However, most of the time I’m ’busy’ is when he’s at work. He has the choice to adjust his schedule to better fit with mine, but choses not to. Advice on syncing schedules and working through this argument?