My (26F) girlfriend wants to potentially break up with me (26F) to explore (2 years)

r/

Me and my girlfriend would sometimes have arguments like once every 1 or 2 months. But overall, everything was going very well..

That is until, one day after a fight, she initiates a break between us where she needed space to think. I didn’t think of much of it at first, cause we would always have similar fights and than it was as if nothing happened.. except turns out this time she wanted to breakup. She was accumulating issues and this time the pile was too big.

Fast foward 3 weeks later, I offered we do couples therapy and she accepted. While in Therapy and outside of it, she mentionned a list of things she wishes was better: Just to name a few

  • My own queerness acceptance ( I have a religious background) she wants someone that will help her grow with more confidence and she feels I’m holding her back
  • My ideology alignement with her ( personally I feel like we are 90% aligned, but she’s more to the left)
  • being more emotional ( I tend to be rational/ factional )
  • Stuff with intimacy

All these things I felt were fixable.. She also attests on the fact that I’ve improved greatly on every single one of these. Except now she is also bringing up the want to explore other relationships to see if someone else could be more aligned or simply teach her more about herself.

I tried saying how, she probably feels this way because I’m lacking in some spaces but if I fix these gaps she wouldn’t have this need.
But she now feels conflicted that being in another relationship could teach her more about herself ( wants / who she is etc). She’s someone that never really had stability, she lived far from her parents from age 18 and was moving a lot from a young age from country to country.

I feel like that explains it, but I’m so confused by this way of thinking, I think one doesn’t need multiple relationship to learn about themselves, but is it just another way of being??

She says she still loves me, she cries to the idea of a breakup, she says it seems impossible to leave and impossible to stay… She hates seeing how much it affects me, and appologizes for not being able to come up with a clear decision

I know that the general response from my friend and family is it’s not going anywhere, but knowing she is so open to continuing therapy, saying she wants to see if this feeling goes away, I can’t help but think that there is light a the end of the tunnel.

Has any of you ever been in a situation like this? Was it ever the case that the person realized before leaving they were making a mistake? Are they right to move away?

TLDR: Have you ever had a partner that felt the need to explore outside of the relationship because they felt they were still young and had a lot to learn about themselves through other relationships (they still love you and cherish you);
If you did, have they ever gotten over this idea? Or was it always present no matter how good it got

Thank you!!

Im just sooo confused because where I come from, I don’t think I need to be in a couple to learn what I like, don’t like, and who I am.

Comments

  1. Spare-Librarian2220 Avatar

    You literally just answered your own question. 

    She initiated a fight, to “take a break”.

    While also wanting “to explore”.

    There’s a very high likelihood she’s already cheated on you. Have self respect and walk away.

  2. Imaginary-Internal33 Avatar

    I’m sorry, your girlfriend sounds exhausting…in that long list of things that YOU had to change about yourself, were there any things she had to change?

    While we all need to grow and with that comes change but what you should never ever have to do is change who you fundamentally are to fit into a relationship. That way lies madness, and eventually you’ll either hate being in the relationship, hate her, or hate yourself. Is that what you want?

    Any partner that sits there and tells the other, ‘oh I’d like to go and have a relationship with someone else because I’m not sure you’re the one’ is a) not invested in the relationship at all. You’re either all in, warts and all, and as a couple you grow together, or you move on. B) a jackass.

    Sure, she cries about the thought of breaking up with you, that’s just because she doesn’t want to lose her back up if the grass isn’t greener.

    Let her go and you go find yourself someone who loves you for you. She is wasting your time.