I (26f) have been going to Bible study every single Wednesday since the first week of January. It has become a huge part of my routine and it makes me happy. I have met a lot of new people who I enjoy seeing every single week and talking to.
About a month ago, one of the leaders brought in her life long friend, “Alice” (22f). I introduced myself to her and we found out we’re both going to be apart of the same program at our university. So we talked all about the education program since we’re going to be teachers. She was really nice and we were like instant gal pals.
The following week after meeting her, she asked that Wednesday if I’d like to go to dinner with her after Bible study, which ends at 9pm that evening. I always eat prior, but I thought getting a small something would be ok, so I agreed. When I walked into the room, she eagerly was patting the seat next to her to sit down next to her. I noticed that her demeanor was off a bit, but figured she was just hungry. She was complaining a lot and teasing/interrupting others during our prayer requests. I just ignored it. I went over to talk to one of the girls I always talk with cause I haven’t visited with her like I normally do; and Alice was standing behind me getting impatient. I turned around and sensed she was ready to go eat so I left with her, I didn’t want to be rude or keep her waiting. At dinner, she was really quiet and distant from me, unlike the previous week where she was laughing and joking.
The next week, she asked that Wednesday @5pm if I’d like to go to dinner with her; but I had dinner plans with my family already; so I let her know why I couldn’t. When I got to Bible study, she was probably definitely hangry but something was different too. I sat next to her and talked to her a bit, then when I was talking to my other friends that sat next to us, I could see her get very annoyed. She was shifting her weight a lot, so I tried to talk to her more. She had on the sweatshirt that said “NOLA” on it, so I told her I liked the color of it and asked what the letters meant. She looked really offended and snarked “New Orleans?” I told her I’ve never been to New Orleans and in general don’t know much about it and she said “oh.” Idk that was weird. She then was complaining about being so hungry and kinda passive aggressively said, “I wish you were going to eat with me.” I apologized to her again and she asked if I would still like to go to eat with her but I could watch her eat and talk. Honestly, I don’t feel comfortable doing that so I declined again.
The next week on Wednesday, I was studying all day for my final exam in my summer course the next day, so I skipped the study. She of course asked if I wanted to go to dinner with her and I declined again because I was so busy. Every two days since then, she asks me if I want to hang out or asks what I am doing for the day to see if I want to hang out. I work full time and she doesn’t have a job right now; so I have been feeling bad about declining her so much the past couple weeks. But honestly, it’s starting to feel like a lot.
About 8 years ago, my ex best friend got really desperate for my attention that she’d text me @5am to hang out, she started copying things about my life, and patronized me for hanging out with my boyfriend over her. I’m honestly starting to feel these vibes again. I’m probably over reacting, but I will now see this girl every week since her life long best friend invited her, which she does not sit with or talk to her during these studies. Just me. And I feel I can’t talk to my other friends at the Bible study because the moment I turn away, she gets upset talking to me.
I’m kinda insecure and an introvert, so I am lost and not sure if I should ride this out or say something to Alice. The outcome that I want is honestly for her to not to be around me anymore. She is nice but she is completely different as a friend from when I met her the first day. I do not want to have to leave Bible study over this, so I want to set boundaries or at least start dropping hints that I have no interest continuing. It’s hard because she will be there all the time now.
What should I do to achieve this outcome?
TLDR: new friend is asking me every couple of days to hang out with her and gets upset to me when I decline her offers, am too busy, or talk to others. The outcome I want is for her to back off some.