My (26m) bf (22m) weird behavior during a trip with his friend

(English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for all the mistakes in advance)

We’ve been together for 4 years and everything was perfect. The relationship was amazing, we both treated each other well, didn’t have any arguments at all. No cheating, no shady activities with unknown people, no snooping and no trust issues. It was awesome and healthy, with lots of quality time together, always laughing and talking. Seems like everything was working amazing for the both of us. About a year into the relationship we started living together. And again — everything was smooth, even better than before. It was just impossible for me to name any flaw, everything was that good. He was the person I would love to spend my whole life with. He always said the same things about me and looked genuinely happy. I really tried my best to be the perfect partner for him. We both had hobbies at the same time and our own friends too, so we haven’t been spending every minute together for sure. To make a long story short — that was the healthy relationship.

Last week he went on a trip with his friend (a girl) to another country. They planned this trip many months before and were really looking forward to it. I was happy for him, we had spent three amazing days together before he left.

He was supposed to live at his friend’s place there — the friend has a boyfriend and they live together. So he got there and everything was going absolutely fine for a couple of days until they met a group of 4 people at a restaurant. For some reason the group invited them to play board games. He was initially a bit skeptical about spending time with them and kinda annoyed with his friend for staying in touch with these guys for much longer than he wanted that night. Also he said there had been a gay guy in that group. I was completely okay with that, i mean, It’s definitely not a thing to worry about when you have a good partner with no previous issues.

The next day they reconnected with the group, went for a walk in a downtown and for some reason they ran into (?) an AIDS center. That gay guy (I’d call him Jack) went there and got tested. My bf told me that Jack had sex with someone about 6 months before (seems, Jack just shared that piece of valuable information with everybody in the group, idk). They also all’ve got free condoms and lubricants there. Kind of a weird thing to do during a walk with a group of new people. I still thought nothing of it. Guess, Jack really wanted to get that free test done.

Then it all started getting uncomfortable for me.

1) Jack and my bf followed each other on Instagram and liked each other photos. No one else followed him from that group. I never checked his followers before. Never! It was the first time, I was just curios. My bf told me, that he had followed Jack back to be polite. If I were him, I wouldn’t do it. But whatever. Still wasn’t worried much. But that behavior was out of character for my bf. We never followed unknown gay guys for the fun of it (i guess, y’all know what I’m talking about) and both have private accounts.

2) Genuinely sorry for TMI!!!

For some reason my bf said that he had shaved his ass!

“We were laying on a coach together with my friend and she said that my ass’s very hairy, so that made me uncomfortable and I shaved it”.

He hasn’t done that shit for months. And what a weird thing to say to a friend… It was all just so weird for me.

3) They started spending almost every hour, every day with this group. Trips, bars, restaurants, walks, visiting each other apartments till late hours. Alcohol’s always involved.

4) These new guys were planning to go to another city for 2 days. Initially my bf and his friend were going to stay, but, after all, they are going all together and will be staying with them in a single apartment for 2 nights.

That made me completely uncomfortable. I told my bf that very politely a couple of times. I said, that it was just too much action with all these unknown guys for me to stay calm, knowing that Jack would be there and they all would be drinking.

He told me multiple times to not to worry about that. “I am not going to have sex with Jack just because he is gay. You are just mixing all these things incorrectly and making yourself anxious”.

I really thought that my bf would understand me and at least wouldn’t be staying with these new guys in one place.

He didn’t do that. Changed nothing.

We didn’t argue, but I was extremely nervous and really started thinking of leaving him and explained thoroughly all my concerns.

I told him I wouldn’t be able to act naturally when he comes back. My boundary was crossed. Explained, that all these things that happened during a week are really weird for me, extremely out of character for him, and making me very anxious.

“Please don’t worry. I’m so sorry that you are worried.”

I told that I would leave him, because I just couldn’t accept this odd behavior anymore.

Asked him to call me so I would be able to try to explain my thoughts better. He reluctantly agreed. Then I asked him to try to find a solution together for this situation. He said that finding a compromise would be a “SELF-SACRIFICE” for him.

What the hell?

So I left him and asked to come take all his stuff from my apartment when he comes back.

I am completely shocked. It is so strange and unnatural for him. I just don’t understand why he acts like this.

I am almost confident in my decision, but I am so confused! Why would he do all these things? The relationship has been perfect for 4 years. It is such a long period of time. And not even all these odd actions hurt me the most, but his angry annoyed reaction. It is the most confusing thing. Like he doesn’t even like me anymore. I have never ever imagined our relationship ending like this.

After all, he told me that he just couldn’t understand my concerns about the situation and was sorry for that. He asked me to think about my decision for the rest of his trip and he didn’t contact me after that.

The most important thing is that he always knew that I would become jealous in a scenario like this. I told him that from the very beginning of our relationship. But this is the first time when something uncomfortable for me happened.

Could you, please, tell me, if I’m acting too emotional? Maybe I just should accept all these things he’s doing and be ready to meet him like I’m completely okay with it?

But I’m not okay! It really hurts. I would never do all that stuff, knowing that my partner is worrying at home.

I just understand nothing at this point. Really thought that he is the one…