Me and my girlfriend both live together in a 1-bedroom apartment, and she recently got into the habit of going to church on Sundays for the past few months, which I 100% support and am okay with. I personally am not too religious, although I have my own beliefs. Anyways, she met this one guy at church (let’s name him Matthew), and both of them do Bible studies together and have friendly conversations outside of church, which I’m okay with since I trust her. She mentioned to me how they both talk about sinning and how it’s bad and so on. Matthew has been celibate for 1 year based off what she told me, but one day she mentioned to me that a private number messaged her in the middle of the night, and it was a random video of a dude pleasuring himself, and she automatically knew it was Matthew since the only guy she talks to on a day-to-day basis is me and him.
She immediately texted him on his personal phone number, saying that’s not okay, and she began to comfort him and gave him advice on sins and how we as human beings have a natural inclination to sin and go back to lust. She mentioned that he began to cry a lot over the phone for being shameful that he stooped that low, but she wasn’t too upset that he did that, but in my brain, I was furious and jealous that she allowed that to happen. She continued talking to him afterwards, but now this whole dynamic relationship between him and her is weird to me. I can’t get over the thought of her knowing what his cock looks like and them being friends again.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I wonder how it is that she immediately knew it was him….. that hit me as totally weird, sorry.
Wasn’t the first time she saw his dick.
Yeah, not immediately blocking him and cutting him out of her life would be a relationship ender for me. Also, the whole religious thing is a pretty big red flag as well.
Uh no. If she really didn’t like it, she should’ve brought it up to his pastor.
That’s insane she’s still talking to him. She needs to set boundaries.
The fact that she talks to only two guys everyday and one is her bf she’s living with and the other is a “friend”. NOPE!
That’s insane.
Dude, she’s cheating on you. Might be emotionally cheating right now, but it’ll turn soon.
i obviously dont know your girlfriend but most women including myself would react very differently to getting sent something like that, especially from someone i considered a friend. ill give her the benefit of the doubt but it just seems off
This is a good example of how religion facilitates abusive behavior.
She’s acting like he’s a victim of his bad thoughts or something and trying to help him? For fuck’s sake. Walk away, none of this is worth it.
I know you won’t walk away. But remember that we told you.
She liked it.
She needs to cut him off. She should not have a guy friend like that anyways. If you allow it, things will get worse.
Dudes stroking it to your girl and your girl sees it and isn’t like “Matthew what the fuck I have a boyfriend and this is not okay behaviour”
Instead she callls him and talks about him stroking his schlong for her ….
I’m shocked she didn’t just cut it off. That’s disrespectful to her, to you, and to their friendship. She comforted him when he cried after he did that- very messed up dynamic where she’s giving the energy that it was okay. 🚩
When will we all learn that men who befriend women usually have more than friendship in mind?
A guy she met from church ? Yeah right ?
Call Mr. Meat Beater on your girlfriend’s phone. Let him know his behavior is not only disappointing but completely unacceptable. Make sure he realizes if anything like that happens again, the authorities, priest and Jesus will be informed.
She totally knew it was him !! And that too from just talking she knew how his dick would look like ?? Funny enough!!
Them talking about sinning and knowing it is wrong is flirting. They are talking about having sex with each other. They are flirting with the idea of how good it would feel and how wrong it would be.
She is the type of woman that is friends with guys that send her jerk off videos.
She’s into it. This won’t end well for you.
The way she didn’t immediately cut this man off is disrespectful to you and her. This is grounds to break up with her. Big red flag that she can’t set boundaries when completely necessary
If she doesn’t immediately cut him off then she needs to be cut off. Letting that kind of guy who did that in her life and taking to him everyday is a big no-no.
Id she wasn’t interested in him, she would have been instantly repulsed. He probably has something she digs, otherwise this move if his would be disastrous to their “friendship”. She know that he is into her and she obviously likes it. Borther, you are walking on thin ice! I can’t give you advice, this doesn’t sound good at all. If she isn’t cutting him after this episode, it seems that you are the one that will get the cold turkey treatment.
Show the pastor.
Ah. Church creeps.
She should NOT be talking to him PERIOD! If the role was reversed I am betting she’d be livid and assume you cheated and make you cut off all contact
Send screen shots to the pastor and other church leaders with an explanation of who it is.
Well that’s not very Christian is it
Ugh I tried to “be there” for a guy like this too. He was my husband’s best friend. He said the same stuff “sorry” “I’m in a bad place” “I’m lonely” It doesn’t change the fact that I opened myself to help him and he repays me by sending his dick. Fuck that guy. I’m glad my husband kicked his ass
The dude has some kind of history that lead to church and celibacy.
Wait, she wants to stay friends with him? Really?
I wonder, how she would feel if you make a female friend, that woman sends you a video of pleasuring herself, you tell your girlfriend about it and then tell her that you are not mad and will stay in contact with that woman?
But let me guess, that situation with her and Matthew is something entirely different, right?
If a dude used the church to do that to my lady, he’d be seeing me.
I’d address it with him, and that would in turn resolve it for her.
Well she’s technically living in sin by living with you. I’m assuming you have sex and you’re not married? You know that’s clearly a sin in the scriptures?
Why would you expect her to be acting right with him when she’s not acting right with you?
This is a commonly held position in traditional Protestant churches, just saying…
So, I kind of get her perspective that she doesn’t want to ruin his life over this. And it’s to her credit that she saw it as a sort of “cry for help” and that her first thought was to talk him down and console him.
But how can she continue talking to him? “Matthew” lusts after her and she’s in a relationship! She has to establish a respectful distance from him. I think both you, OP, and her church expect that from her.
i saw a comment somewhere that said religious women are the dumbest women.
Is this the same girl in your comment history who went to stay at another man’s house four months ago?
Methinks it’s time you accompany your wife to church, if only to send the message “she’s taken already, move along.” Plus it’s always good for you two to do things together.
I’m curious, they usually put marrieds together in one class and singles in another. Is your wife going to the singles group? If yes, that is awkward…
How do you get a full on video from a dude and don’t tell your partner. That boy isn’t worried about his sin he is a weirdo that that gets off sending videos like that.
That’s not very Christ-like
This dude joined the church to meet women and he believes he’s found one in your girl.
Lol she’s definitely not going to church on Sundays.
My guy, she’s spending her Sundays on her knees and it’s absolutely not to pray to God (although she’s probably saying his name a lot).
That’s now his GF.
This guy is playing her. This is nothing but a game to him. She’s disrespecting you, herself, and women in general in her response. Sending a woman unwanted pornagraphic material is predatory behavior. Criminal behavior. It should be treated as such.
Wtheck kinda church is this?!
Nope thats it. The fact that she didn’t immediately block him and find that absolutely horrendous is a gigantic red flag. You either leave or tell her you don’t feel comfortable with her and the guy being friends and if she chooses to continue with the other dude she’s not going to continue with you.
Weird… its like shes seen Matt’s D before… how else would she immediately know it was hers… “they talk about sin and stuff”? You sure they are at church every Sunday? “Bible study”? What night is that?
You need to go to church with her man.
But really this is the time for an ultimatum.
She is religious, so she sees forgiveness to a person who has done something wrong. You see it as jealousy, a sex crime, and disrespectful to you and your gf. You should be able to talk to her about this.
I would be moving her out of the apartment the next day. Tell her “contact me when you’re good and done with the drama, but I have not the slightest interest in this shitstorm, nor in you while you’re in it.”
Don’t be available after, either.
I guess the power of Christ compelled him.
Attach it to a “reply all” when their monthly newsletter comes out.