My (26M) girlfriend (26F) broke up with me after sleeping with a coworker in our apartment on the same day she brought home the dog we were supposed to adopt together. I feel discarded, and I don’t know how to move on.

Hi everyone,

Five weeks ago, my girlfriend (F26) of nearly two years broke up with me (M26). Since then, it feels like my whole world has collapsed. I’m desperate to understand:
How do you move on when you’ve given everything and still end up discarded?
How long does it take to stop hurting?

 

We met a little over two and a half years ago through mutual friends while playing video games. At the time, she was in a relationship with one of those friends, but we clicked instantly. We shared similar values, the same sense of humor, and most importantly, a deep emotional connection.

We both struggled with depression, and that shared pain became the foundation of our bond. We talked for hours about life, emotions, suffering, and philosophy. I felt truly seen and accepted for the first time in years and I believe she did too. This was also my first real friendship in a very long time, after years of isolation.

Eventually, we met in person over summer break. I was hesitant, afraid of ruining what we had or creating unwanted expectations. But she insisted. After we met, she confessed that she had fallen for me even though she was still with her boyfriend. One night, after an emotional conversation, she asked for a hug. That hug felt so intimate that we became “hugging buddies” from that moment on.

But I didn’t want her boyfriend to feel betrayed, so I told her that we shouldn’t take things any further. Shortly after, she broke up with him, and about a month after that, during the holidays, we officially got together.

Our relationship began long-distance, but six months later, after graduating, I moved in with her and problems quickly surfaced.

Even though we both dealt with depression, we handled pain very differently. Living together revealed our incompatibilities. We began to run out of things to talk about. She no longer enjoyed deep conversations and preferred lighter topics like fantasy and Marvel. I, on the other hand, have always needed meaningful conversations to feel connected. What once felt like shared values began to feel more like emotional projection.

At the same time, her health, work, and mental well-being started to decline. I took on almost all the domestic tasks: cooking, grocery shopping, dishes, meal prepping for both of us, and laundry. She took care of house cleaning, which helped her clear her mind. I supported her through regular emotional breakdowns almost every other week drove her places, listened, comforted, and tried to help her heal. I became a major part of her emotional support system.

When I broke down, only three or four times during our relationship, especially after my cat passed away, she was supportive at first. But eventually, she grew tired of my depression. In fairness, I took a long time to seek professional help.

Shortly after I moved in, our intimacy nearly vanished. This was mostly due to a traumatic experience she’d had at work with someone who harassed her and made disgusting insinuations. She later started taking antidepressants, which reduced her libido even more. We had sex maybe once a month. I never blamed her, I understood. But our emotional connection started to fade too. Nothing seemed to improve. She kept struggling, and I became exhausted… yet I still believed in us.

At the same time, I couldn’t find a stable job, and the frustration was starting to eat away at me.

She began saying I was too “clingy” even though all I was doing was trying to maintain some emotional closeness (a few chick kisses, a couple of hugs a day). To me, that didn’t feel excessive.

A few months ago, I started to seriously question whether our relationship could survive. Around the same time, she decided to adopt a dog, something she’d dreamed of for years. I supported her fully. I saw it as a shared project, a hopeful step that might bring us back together. She paid most of the adoption fees, but I was emotionally invested too. We chose the dog together, picked her name, and I bought supplies to prepare for her arrival.

But then she started getting close to a coworker. At first, it was just friendship. Then, she admitted there was a mutual physical attraction. He was supposed to be transferred soon. Out of some mix of compassion and open-mindedness, I told her, “If there’s an itch to scratch, scratch it, my love.” I set boundaries: no emotional involvement, and nothing at our apartment. They broke those boundaries.

They started spending time together before, during, and after work. Emotional intimacy grew. She began to question our relationship.

I told her it was hurting me to see them grow close. I said, “If it helps you feeling better, keep going but just know it’s breaking me.” I went to stay with my parents for a few days, hoping space would give her clarity.

While I was gone, she first uninvited me from a family event I was supposed to attend. Then, she excluded me from the dog adoption process claiming that shes wanted this day to be a perfect memory. And on the very day she brought the puppy home, she brought her coworker into our apartment and slept with him in the shared space we had built together.

When I returned the next day, she told me it was over. That she had feelings for someone else. That our relationship had been dying for a while anyway, and she no longer believed in it.

What hurts the most is that I gave everything to this relationship. It was completely unbalanced. I made sacrifices. I supported her through everything. On the other hand, she consistently puts her own needs above the relationship. I made all the compromises. She never did. And when I was at my lowest, she turned away.

We spoke briefly after the breakup, just long enough to sort out bills and practical matters. Then she cut off all contact.

Since then, I’ve reached out five times. Not to beg. Not to guilt her. But because she had been my only real friend, and I needed someone to talk to. I needed to understand. Each time, I was met with coldness or silence. She blocked me, left our shared friend groups, and erased me from her life.

Before this relationship, I was already isolated. This relationship had been my anchor. Now I’m back where I started, but worse. I’m unemployed, heartbroken, and more alone than ever.

I don’t want her back romantically. But a part of me wishes we could have at least remained friends.

I know that I relied heavily on her to seek external validation, even more so since I have almost no self-esteem. And that plays a huge part in my difficulty letting go. But the other reason is that I don’t understand how can someone that I loved so deeply and care so much for, erase me completely and so quickly, and move on so easily?

How do I move on from that?

TL;DR

My girlfriend of nearly 2 years broke up with me 5 weeks ago after forming an emotional connection with a coworker, and eventually sleeping with him, in our shared apartment, on the same day she brought home the dog we were supposed to adopt together.

I had supported her through mental health struggles, taken on most responsibilities, and given her all of me. The relationship was uneven. Now I feel discarded, heartbroken, and deeply isolated. She won’t speak to me anymore.

I don’t want her back, but I don’t know how to move on.

How long does it take to heal when you’ve given everything?