I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for 1.5 years. We haven’t had sex for a year, and when I finally pressed for why, he told me it’s because he’s not attracted to my body type (I’m fuller/curvier, some would even categorize me in obese).
He also admitted he finds my natural body smell weird and that when he watches porn, he doesn’t think about me – he imagines the porn stars. The kind of porn he consumes is mostly the staged, unrealistic stuff (slim bodies, small waist). Meanwhile, the content I watch for myself is usually more amateur, real-couple type videos.
This makes me wonder if his porn habits are feeding into why he doesn’t see my body as valid or attractive. I’d love to give him a new perspective, but he avoids sex-related talks, often saying “can you not talk about sex all the time.”
I don’t know how to move forward.
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Together for 1.5 years but haven’t had sex for a full year? That’s horrible.
Here’s a real question: how much longer would you stay in this relationship if you knew he wouldn’t ever have sex with you again? You’ve already waited a year.
The porn question isn’t really even consequential here. This is a dead relationship.
If this has been going on for a year, and he’s told you, to your face, that he doesn’t find you attractive, why on Earth are you still with him? I don’t really have any advice other than to leave and find someone who actually respects you and likes you for you.
You don’t move forward you dump him. Why would you stay with this guy??
do*you*want*to*be*with*someone*who*isn’t*attracted*to*you?
and tells you he is turned off by your smell? basically you give him a ick?
I am so sorry but maybe if you reread your post? Why do you want to be with someone that admits they don’t find you attractive and that your body smells weird and they envision other women? There’s nothing to move forward with here. I know it’s sucks to hear but this relationship is over and you need to focus on yourself and enjoying your life ❤️❤️❤️❤️
dude, yes his porn habits are obviously feeding into the type of body he finds attractive. but theres not necessarily a reverse button on that. even if he stopped watching porn completely. that’s no guarantee that he’ll become attracted to you again. wish him luck with his addiction and find someone who wants all of you, all the time. you sound like you have a higher sex drive than most women and not getting it for a year?!? probably gonna cause a lot of resentment in itself, whatever the reason. but hes clearly told you why it’s happening and his reason i’m sure is even more hurtful.
This sounds like a companionship thing. You’re a placeholder. You’re not his type but he doesn’t have the self esteem or drive to do something about it.
Believe people when they tell you who they are.
It took you an entire year to ask him why he wasn’t interested in sex with you? You are both the problem.
He isn’t interested in you at all, have some self respect and leave.
You get some self respect and dump him.
The best time to break up would have been a year ago. The second best time to break up is now.
Your relationship has been in active crisis for what, 2/3rds of it? Dating isn’t about finding a person and stubbornly clinging to them despite how bad the relationship is. It’s an audition to see if you’re compatible enough for the long run. Y’all aren’t. So the audition should end.
Leave him? He said he wasn’t attracted to you. Why would you want to continue?
Get a better boyfriend.
Why are you still in this relationship?
Why are you dating someone who doesn’t find you attractive?
You can’t make him find you attractive, if you can end the relationship. He doesn’t even like or respect you if he’s calling you “weird”
Leave him
Please have some self respect and end the relationship. He is addicted to porn, addicted to disrespecting you and your relationship, and he is openly not attracted to you at all.
This isn’t just a mismatch in sex drive, it’s a mismatch in respect. Attraction naturally ebbs and flows in long relationships, but telling a partner they aren’t turned on by your body and shutting down any conversation about it signals a deeper problem. Porn habits can absolutely shape expectations, but the bigger issue is that he is avoiding honest dialogue and leaving you to carry the weight of the rejection alone. A healthy partner doesn’t have to love every inch of you at every moment, but he does have to care about how his words and actions impact your self esteem and the future of the relationship.
You deserve intimacy that is built on mutual desire and curiosity, not silence and comparison to strangers on a screen. If he won’t engage in open talks or counseling, you have to decide whether staying means accepting a dynamic that chips away at your confidence. Your body is not the problem here; the lack of emotional and sexual partnership is.
Find a way to feel ok with it or leave. He’s not changing. Not for you or anyone because it’s what works for him.
He’s not your partner, he’s your friend. But not even a good one, at that. Dump him and find someone who actually loves you.
I think you know what you have to do, but you’re not willing to do it. No sex in over a year, he thinks you smell weird, he finds you unattractive. What more is there to say? Your relationship is not a romantic one, so why are you holding onto labels? That’s not your boyfriend. That’s a guy who is kind of your friend.
Leave him, you deserve better than this. Personality is extremely important for a relationship but so is physical attraction. If he does not feel any attraction to you on his end it doesn’t seem like anything that can be changed. I find the female bodies in staged porn not really unrealistic as I know many women that look similar to the regular porn stars (as long as the work they have, if they even have had work done, is natural looking).
It’s not a myth that porn consumption can diminish sexual performance and libido when it comes to real life sex but what you are describing doesn’t really sound like it. People have different body types that they are attracted to and that can shift throughout life. When I was younger I used to be into these guys with full muscles and six packs but as I got older I realized I’m more into “realistic” bodies – dad bods with strong arms.
Maybe he used to be into curvier women but his interest shifted.
You deserve someone that loves you fully and appreciates both you and your body in every stage of life. You’re too young to be trapped in a sexless relationship. Go out and find someone who does the job he’s incapable of doing 🙂
1.5yrars no sex? That’s a friendship.
You gotta move on. You deserve someone who is into you.
If this were my situation, this relationship would have been wrapped up immediately. There would be nothing else to say. I would go on with my life and find someone who appreciates ALL OF ME. To still be with someone who can tell you this to your face is crazy. I would have been gone.
Take off the rose colored glasses and see what’s infront of you. You deserve so much better and you deserve to be treated like the queen that you are 👑
Why would you stay in a “relationship” with a man who doesn’t find you attractive and with whom you’ve had no sex for a year?? Are you joking?
Men whose brains are addled with porn are unfixable and make terrible partners. He has to deal with this himself. More likely he won’t. But why the hell are you making this your problem? Dump his ass.
You find a new boyfriend who is attracted to you, who cares about your feelings and who treats you with respect.
Why the heck are you staying with this AH? He’s an emotionally abusive jerk and I hope you realize that you deserve better.
He’s not your bf. Heck I wouldn’t even consider him a friend.
Dump him immediately!
Leave, don’t stay with someone who’s not even attracted to you and thinks negatively of you. Don’t settle for that, there’s plenty of people who will love you and be attracted to you for who you are inside and out.
At least respect yourself. If he doesn’t want you then he just doesn’t. Move on
I’m puzzled. What do you see in this person? I’m stumped that a person “in love” would be so callous to their partner.
Feeling desired/wanted is so important to me, that it baffles me that anyone might settle for this twat who says he’s not attracted to your “body type” and you smell weird. Tf is that?
Why is he in a relationship where he’s not attracted to his partner?
Most importantly, are YOU attracted to him? I’d lose all sense of attraction to a man who preferred his freaking hand to my body.
Please reconsider what YOU want in a relationship and don’t settle for anybody less. You are deserving of passion and a person who craves and misses you when you’re away.
You’re already in a sexless relationship. You said you don’t know how to move forward… I’d suggest you move OUT. ;). Good luck and please make this man single.
You haven’t had sex for a year. He is clear that he doesn’t find you attractive.
Sorry but this relationship was probably done 9 months ago.
Is this rage bait?? DUMP HIM and get laid girlie!!
b. r. e. a. k.
u. p.
Pr9bably just not compatible. There was a sexdoc years ago that smell between partners is a big thing. Like if yoi partners natural stank is good to you then yall are probably sexuall compatible. So if he dont like your stink you might not be for him.
Also porn is whatever, if you dont like that he watches porn then thats not compatible and he probably wont stop ive known alot of ppl who try to ban it in their relationship and it just becomes tension cu their partners rarelt ever actually stop consuming it.
In my relationships its fine as long as the type of porn isnt sus. Like if its consentual and not violent and the people are having fun. Then i dont mind. Its nice when your partner says that when they watch the porm the imagine you instead of the people. Like thats neat.
But othef wise im thinking this guy doesnt really like you. And its not a you thing really. Like you cant force ppl to like anyone. I think you should just find someone else and end it with this guy. Im assuming you like them and its gonna be difficult. But a whole year and hes telling you hed rather jork it to porn stars then to touch you. Is probably the map to the rest of any sort of time you will have with them. Like hes not even trying to sugar coat it either. Like hes not putting any work into it.