I went abroad after being invited to spend some time at my BF’s mum. She’s older – 70!! and has a dry, sarcastic sense of humor. I knew that going in and was okay with it at first, but one dinner made me feel uncomfortable.
We went to a restaurant and I had a mosquito bite. When asked if I’d used spray or a mosquito pen, I said no and half-jokingly hinted to my BF that he could’ve reminded me. His mum then said, “Well, you could have Googled it dear. How old are you, 12? We need to be able to look after ourselves.”
I replied flatly, saying I didnt think this was that common sense to remember. She then carried in saying ‘ the pharmacy?’ I then said I’d remember next time. She then added, “Who said there will be a next time?” Jokingly and my BF laughed along.
Afterwards, I went to our room because I felt off. My BF only came in to ask if I wanted something, and later said he thought I was mad at him since we hadn’t talked much earlier that day (we’d argued the day before).
I know she is older and there is not much to say to her really. However the issue I had was with him, as he should have known the whole situation was uncomfortable for me (ie not my home) and he did not even show awareness to the situation until I spoke to him later.
Please advise if I am being unreasonable.
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Yeah, I think you’re being a tad too sensitive.
It probably doesn’t help that there’s a significant age gap and she views you as more of a child.
Is he usually like this (not supporting you) or is this the first time? Was he maybe stuck in an awkward position, and didn’t handle it well?
Yea, he could have done a better job reading the room here especially on that last part of there being a “next time”. I don’t know how he acts around his mom and I don’t know if you two have discussed previous interactions with others about this.
You should tell him how you feel about this. If anything, it’s a learning more about you and how he could have been better supportive in these situations. His response to what you say and the actions afterwards will show really where he stands with you on this.
this is the first first clue that your BOYfriend is enmeshed with his mother. he laughs at her digs on you. he didn’t even notice your humiliation later. sigh. typically, men that choose women 10 or more years younger, is that women their own age don’t tolerate that shite! you are not unreasonable, you are aware! he wants someone that he and mommy can dominate. hard pass.
Cut your losses. Aside from the age gap, your boyfriend is supposed to be in your corner. Trust me, it won’t get any better. Dodge that bullet!
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whelp, it sounds like his mother has no manners. People with manners seek to make others feel comfortable, not uncomfortable and they don’t emphasize faux pas. This lady? Not so much. From the outside I would assume one of two things, either she doesn’t like this relationship, or she doesn’t like him in relationships in general. If he says, “that’s just how she is,” it’s probably the latter, and you can say you no longer need to spend time with her either way.
Imagine having her around for the rest of your life, and sonny-boy on her side, not yours. Then make your decision.
Are you sure you’re not 12? This is hardly worth sulking over.
Ehh, I agree with the mom. Your boyfriend was not in charge of remembering your mosquito bite.
However, you may want to keep in mind that in the next few years, she may be looking to be taken care of. Even if she’s abroad, circumstances change. You may want to talk to your boyfriend about what he would do if she asked to live with him.
It’s a little hard to tell from this one encounter but IMHO she was rude, your BF didn’t have your back, and you weren’t being over sensitive
I’m speaking from an older mom perspective (I’m 65). I can be sarcastic and joke around but if my son’s partner traveled some way to visit with me, I wouldn’t be rude to them.
And bf definitely should’ve been more aware.
He “should have” known? I don’t think so. It’s your bf’s responsibility to figure out how you may or may not feel at any given time? As far as the mother having a dry sense of humor, I don’t think so. Unkind and insulting is more like it. I’d be questioning my bf if that happened to me.
Yeah she was a bit rude, but you’re showing your immaturity by being so upset you’re posting to Reddit about it. You could have just agreed that should have thought about that and left it at that.
Also, she’s right, it’s not his responsibility to tell you to wear insect repellent or sort out an insect bite. She possibly finds you a bit childish.
I didnt think this was that common sense to remember.
Really? It’s not common sense to use insect repellent or something to calm insect bites? ffs
She then added, “Who said there will be a next time?” Jokingly
So you admit it was jokingly, and no she’s not obliged to invite you again.
My BF only came in to ask if I wanted something,
So he came to check on you – what exactly did you want him to do? She’s right you are behaving like you’re 12.
I know she is older and there is not much to say to her really.
Bit patronising, shes 70, she’s sharp enough to give you the runaround. A lot of 70 year olds are still in the workplace. You really are a child.
You keep saying she’s older. She had him at 34, when should she have had your almost ten years older than you bf, at 12?
You sound like the problem. You’re a grown up why does he need to tell you, like your father, to do something?