I initially proposed a day trip where my gf would join my family, but she was upset over me not planning a trip just for us instead. I suggested we could do a separate trip for us as well, but this upset her more as she wants me to be the “leader” of the relationship and I should intrinsically plan these trips without any prompting from her. I’ve proposed a vast majority of our dates although they have largely been local.
She compared me to a mutual friend who went on a multi-day road trip with their partner recently and that I should be more like them.
I apologized for this, acknowledged that I should be taking more initiative, and spent time crafting a day trip itinerary to one of our favourite places. She is still refusing to go with me despite all this and I will have to wait until another weekend because she will make her own plans with her friends.
How can I navigate this delicately?
TL;DR: Partner upset at me for not taking the initiative in planning dates, but is not willing to go after I try to rectify the issue.
Comments
You can’t. She’s going to hold onto that forever it seems.
This sounds exhausting
40F and I’d be done. You did what she asked for and she shit all over it.
You can’t navigate it. You are who you are, and either that’s good enough for her or it’s not.
This sounds like a classic S-test and may determine the future of your relationship
Ok let me put it this way:
She
You:
Is this what you want in a relationship?
Look man. I went through a freaking miserable marriage/divorce and I’ll tell you one huge thing I learned.
If you want to have sanity in life, only date someone who wants you. Not someone who wants a potential version if you. If she’s not okay with your level of leadership (which I heard over and over), it seems that she doesn’t want you. She wants a version of you that doesn’t exist.
And please don’t fall into the trap of wanting her so badly that you think you can become another version of you, unless you’re 100% sure that’s what you really want. If that’s the case, though, you’d be changing for yourself and not for her. Do. Not. Change. For. Her. Because you can’t. You might be able to fake it for a while, but she’ll hate you for faking it just as must as she hates you for not being it to begin with.
This might be different to the other opinions on here but simply put… it means less when you have to ask someone to do something for you.
Say a woman is in a relationship for 2 years. A year in says hey you haven’t bought me flowers, why is that? 2 days later he buys her flowers. Then never again. At 2 years she says you only bought me flowers a year ago, my friends get flowers more often. He buys her flowers the same day. Why didn’t he do it in the year before without her having to say anything?
I gaurantee she’s not being selfish or anything. She likely feels like you don’t put effort towards the both of you spending time together. Let her stop thinking about it for a period of time, say a month or two, then propose the trip again.
Oh my gosh. You’ve got a hard-to-please girlfriend. She’s not a grateful, thankful type. I’d predict there’s going to be a lot she finds fault with.
No one should be the leader and she should be grateful for you doing your best for a date. My bf and I are boring our date is eat in watch a movie/shows cuddling and play video games after or a pumpkin patch this time of year. She sounds exhausting honestly I would not be with her.
Oh lawd, she sounds exhausting. She wants you to be the planner but shoots down all your plans? That doesn’t even make any sense.
Comparing you to other people is also an AH move – it’s never a good idea to invite other people in the middle of your relationship like that, all it does is create resentment and invite you to do it back. I bet if you thought about it there are things about the female half of that couple she could stand to be more like, too, but considering your goal is to make her happy your brain probably didn’t even go there.
Idk if she thinks she’s being clever by playing these games, or if she genuinely thinks that she’s a special princess, but news flash – this ain’t it. The whole point of being in a relationship is to be with somebody who values you for who you are, and you bring out the best in each other.
She’s already flubbed the script by being a Petty Patty. Even if you don’t see that, and stay with her, you’re going to wind up so full of resentment you never plan another date again, and she will have nothing to blame but herself. But I strongly encourage you to think about if this is the type of relationship YOU want, where you aren’t equals and you’re constantly being placed on the defensive.
Grandmamma here. She’s jerking you around. I would ask her if she is serious about maintaining the relationship. When people start finding fault with everything, they sometimes have one foot out the door.
Yall don’t sound very compatible……..
She sounds exhausting. I’d plan my exit from this relationship.
Bro. She’s never going to be satisfied. This is a “her” problem. One that you cannot fix.
Don’t waste your time.
You will not ever win with this girl. Run my friend, run 🏃♂️
She’s not attracted to you, and is trying to push you away so that you will break up with her because she doesn’t really want to be in this relationship. But she doesn’t have the courage to actually break up with you, because she doesn’t want to appear to me the villain of the story.
The most delicate way to handle this situation is to break up in person, but doing it by phone call or even text can be acceptable, too.