I have a large friend group from high school of guys and gals. When we were single, one of the guys in the group and I used to hook up sometimes. It was casual, never awkward. Just kind of an unspoken agreement that we were just bored/horny and together and that it didn’t mean anything but it was nice bc it wasn’t some random awk hookup. We are still really close though like talk all the time get dinner etc. I’ve now been dating someone for a few years (this friend knows my bf well). This friend has now been dating a girl for a little while. Well we took a group trip together recently without significant others (not on purpose, just none of them could come). The friend and I had to share a bed and he tried to hook up with me! We were not drinking. I’m so confused. He knows my bf well and I haven’t met his gf yet but we’ve talked about her a lot and many of our group have met her. What was that all about??? Should I say something
TLDR: we used to casually hook up but were both in serious relationships now so I’m surprised/confused
Comments
Do your partners know of y’alls past sexual relationship?
I don’t know why you’re surprised this even happened when y’all literally shared a bed on vacation without your partners. Don’t act naive
You just learned what kind of person he is
This is fairly straightforward. He had it before (sorry I know that’s gross) and just showed you he feels that as long as nobody is around its an option. Bored and horny still applies, mutually choosing to betray significant others means nothing to him.
Your boyfriend will want to know. For your sake I hope he knew the history there and was just chill about it. Imagine keeping that from him and then needing to tell him this… EX-friend’s girlfriend has the right to know as well. This should go without saying but end the friendship and if that’s not* an option due to group dynamics never under any circumstances share overnight/sleeping arrangements again.
He is willing to cheat with you, and assumes you are a cheater too.
And honestly, can’t blame him too much for that assumption, if you didn’t say “Hey. No. We’re not sharing a bed. This plan needs to shift. We’re both in relationships and even if we agree, nothing would happen; the optics are just not cool.”
I’m all for friends, even exes, hanging out or travelling together even, but there has to be at least an acknowledgement when shit looks sus. Sharing a bed with a former fuck buddy looks sus. It strains credulity that it could ever really be necessary.
If I were you, I’d be so insulted that the friendship would be dead and over. I might consent to seeing him a larger group, but never to trips or smaller groups again. He’s a cheater. People who are willing to cheat on thier partners are willing to do all sorts of shady shit. Not worth keeping as friends.
This is the most avoidant and dare I say blissfully ignorant thing I’ve read in a while.