Backstory:
So my bf left a party and followed a woman after on Instagram whom he met. She is mutual friend of his.
I noticed after and said I thought it was a bit weird to follow woman after a party and it made me uncomfortable , and he admitted he knew it would , but he felt I had accused him of untrue things in the past so did this because he was ‘ pissed’.
A few weeks later, I saw he messaged her replying to a story of an event she was at. She works in the music industry so attends some cool events. He sent a platonic looking message saying something like ‘ hey next time take me with you!’.
I mean, is this basically asking her to meet up with him? Context considered, can this be seen as some attempt/ form of cheating?
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I don’t think it’s cheating, but could definitely lead to cheating. It also depends on his intentions, which unless he’s 100% honest you will never know. I definitely wouldn’t like that behaviour in a relationship so it is defined reasons for some concern.
Nothing he really did is cheating here. It might be disrespectful in terms of your relationship and how you guys have boundaries around this certain stuff, but this doesn’t sound like an attempt for anything.
I think it could be perfectly innocent if I didn’t have the context of this:
> I noticed after and said I thought it was a bit weird to follow woman after a party and it made me uncomfortable , and he admitted he knew it would , but he felt I had accused him of untrue things in the past so did this because he was ‘ pissed’.
Like look, he should be allowed to have female friends and hang out with them, but he shouldn’t be doing that specifically because he’s angry at you and knows it’s going to upset you.
Nothing here was cheating
Is your boyfriend planning to meet up with a woman considered cheating? No? If you met up with a guy would you consider it cheating?
If he meets up with her and crosses emotional and physical boundaries then obviously it would be cheating. Meeting up with someone from the opposite sex is not inherently considered cheating – it depends on what happens, and the intentions matter too. Second guessing someone’s intentions is not the same thing as their intentions though.
It sounds like he intends for it to lead to cheating
People talk to other people. People have friends.
Doing it as retaliation is screwed up, but you don’t have to lawyer that into cheating to think it’s a problem.
Not cheating. He networking.
It’s not cheating until something romantic or sexual happens.
I’ll say this, a partner who tries to “get back” at you is NOT a healthy or secure partner. It’s not healthy for them and it doesn’t lead to a secure and stable relationship.
Instead of talking to you and working through his frustrations, he intentionally went out of his way to do something he knew would be hurtful to you. That is unacceptable, immature, and a clear indicator that he sees relationships as transactional rather than a mutual partnership.
Let’s also not look past the fact that you already told him you felt uncomfortable and instead of unfollowing her and owning up to his mistake, he’s reaching out to her and trying to hang out with her. Completely inappropriate