Context : his family hate me because I’m not from their country and haven’t met. Partner won’t marry until they get their acceptance . I said why can we just meet your mum now . He said she will be horrible basically . And ‘ one of us’ will just leave , implying he may leave me after the experience .
His idea is he needs to convince them to accept me before we meet , so it will be smooth. I mean they didn’t accept his brothers outsider woman and disowned him for a while . They won’t accept me. I mean even if they do our initial interactions are bound to go shit.
Why would i be left … for your witnessing your racist family????? Like I’m disposable for .. hurting your family’s sight because they are raging traditionalists and hate everyone not from their culture? I’m really hurting . I have so much of myself for this man.
Can someone from a traditional culture explain why this happens??? What’s going on in his brain?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
The real guestion is, why are you willing to put up with this? Where is your self respect?
I mean, if his family’s acceptance is vital to him, I’m not sure why you’re surprised to hear that he might end things if they won’t accept you. He’s already told you as much.
What you should be thinking about is whether YOU want to be with a man who is so reliant on his racist family’s approval.
Why are you wasting your time with this
We do “What do I do next?” because secondhand psychology is pretty much impossible.
He won’t go forward unless his family accepts you and his family won’t accept you. I don’t think you should date him.
Soooooo is he racist ?
Sounds like he just gave you a nice early warning to break up with him
This is one of those times where you tell your partner, “Let me save you the trouble, we’re done.”
Him leaving you would be a blessing.
He’s made it quite clear he’s not only an asshole but immature and weak.
You deserve better
Why are you wasting your time on this man? His family will never accept you, and to him it will be your fault, not theirs. Just leave now.
OP, what made them finally come around in his brothers case?
Was it because he stood his ground and they did not want to lose him, or was it because she won them over. What is their relationship like with them now? I mean you do not want to be struck with jerks for in laws that you are stuck dealing with.
Him and his family are pieces of crap. It’s really that simple. He’s not worth your effort. He already told you that you are not worth the effort. Believe him.
Honestly somebody hiding you from his family, whatever the reason, is a red flag. You say you’ve given up a lot for him, has he given up anything for you? What would it be like to have a boyfriend who was excited to introduce you to his family?
Get away from him love. If your partner doesn’t defend you in this circumstances then he’s not worth having
LEEEEAVE. Please, OP, respect yourself. 💜
Walk away. I’m from one of those “traditional” cultures (south Asian) and trust me, don’t waste your time
Do you actually need to understand them??? If he puts their opinion before you and who you are, he’s too immature to be left unsupervised. Find a real man, who trusts his opinions and decisions. This will never end: the sly remarks, the 2nd class citizen treatment, etc.
Dump him before he gets the chance to dump you.
Get the last word in.