My bf (M32) and I (28F) were on vacation and went to a dinner where there was live performances. One performer was singing Usher or something and two girls get on the stage and start dancing, twerking and shaking their assess. He gets out his phone to record and I asked him what he was doing and he said “it’s funny” and I didn’t feel like making a big deal of it in the moment but it made me uncomfortable. The next day he shows me he sent the video to his friend and I scrolled down and his friend was like “god damn – with some Jamaican slang (they’re both white) and my boyfriend responds “big booty b@$;&s”
I accidentally swiped and saw he sent another video of me to his friend when we were joking around to this song and I was shaking my butt in very tight pants and even though that was a joke the video is basically just my butt & that felt like a private joke between us.
I was completely embarrassed and shocked he would send that to his friend.
He immediately goes “you weren’t supposed to see that” takes the phone back and I respond like wtf was that and he goes “it’s a joke, it’s not serious” blah blah blah but I don’t feel right about it at all. I moved on fairly quickly b/c we were in another country but I don’t feel resolved. I brought up the video of the other women again and he immediately deflects it, bringing up something very minor I said in the past to justify the behavior. It feels dismissive and manipulative of him to say this was a joke and to keep bringing up something from my past to invalidate me.
I don’t know who to talk to about this because it’s so embarrassing. I don’t know what to do.
TL;DR
Basically, bf took a video of girls dancing, shaking their butts and sent it to his friend saying “big booty bi@;$(s” he told me it was a joke but I feel really disrespected and dismissed.
Comments
Your guy is immature and disrespectful.
You know what to do.
Holy shit this guy is disgusting and creepy.
I’m sorry but he not only sent vids of other women but also a video of yours to his friend shaking your butt without your consent? That is a bigger issue here I feel. Sending a video of his own girlfriend without any consent for his friends to look at your butt is totally a breach of privacy and trust. If he sent this, you don’t know what else he has sent them of yours. Dude seems like he enjoys sharing nudes and pics of other women to his friend group and just sees it as “bro talk” or “funny” but is just plain wrong and creepy. I would demand to check if he has sent any else potentially racy pictures of yours to his friends and delete them if possible from his and his friends phones, and then you need to dump his ass and he needs to find better friends and straighten this attitude out.
Imagine all the things that he hasn’t shown/wouldn’t show you.
It’s weird and juvenile. It wasn’t like he and a friend gave each other a nudge and a wink – his friend wasn’t even there. He chose to record these random women and then send the video to someone who wasn’t present. Major ick.