We’ve been together 4 and a half years (2 long distance) and have discussed over and over again how we want to get married and start a family. He refuses to live with me, citing religious reasons and says he wants to be at least engaged first. About a year and a half ago we both moved back to the city where we met and we agreed to get our own places. We both lived on our own, but then when his lease was up he decided to move in with his friend. His friend (27) bought a house about an hour outside of the city that we live in. Then his friend moved in his girlfriend, who shortly thereafter got pregnant and became his fiance.
I expressed to my boyfriend how uncomfortable it made me that lived with another woman at all, and then how painful it was for me that he lives with another couple that is clearly progressing while we seem stuck. He was spending 90% of his time at my place, but not contributing to rent or utilities, so I limited him to 3 nights a week. That was the only card I felt like I could play. Fast forward to now, the baby was just born a couple weeks ago and my boyfriend still lives there! I’ve told him how sad this all makes me, and we went to couples therapy for a few months where the therapist reiterated how it made me feel, but nothing seems to change.
At one point he said he was “open to moving in together” but then he basically took it back and said “I said I was open to the idea, not that I was willing”. He claims we’re not ready to be engaged because we haven’t had enough of the “big conversations” but we’ve gone over how we plan or raising kids, where we’d like to live, how we’d deal with our religious differences, so I don’t know what his “real” hold-up is. I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t hear about pregnancy, babies, or marriage without spiraling.
Tl;dr: my boyfriend refuses to commit to me but is living with a couple and their newborn baby and I can’t take it anymore.
Am I being crazy? Is there anything else I should do about it?
Comments
“Is there anything else I should do about it?” – Leave? He clearly doesn’t want to commit. Are you going to wait around another 4 years for him to still not want to move in? Find someone who wants you for real
>I don’t know what his real “hold-up” is
He doesn’t want to move in with you, doesn’t want to be engaged to you, and doesn’t want to marry you. He’s dragging in feet and giving you empty promises in hopes you give up on it. Hope this helps.
If he isnt ready to take these steps now, he wont ever be ready for the level of commitment you need from him. Cut your losses and leave him, hes not gonna marry you, hes not gonna move in with you. Leave foe your own sanity.
You want to get pregnant with someone who says they’re not even ready to live with you yet? But they’re fine living with a growing family? Ma’am, he’s telling you with his actions that he’s not ready for any of that type of commitment yet.
Yes, continuing this relationship is crazy.
He doesn’t want to be with you. It’s unfortunately that simple.
Time to move on.