We’ve been together for over three years now, and I truly love her. But lately, I’ve found myself pulling away, avoiding conversations, feeling distant and I know it’s affecting both of us.
What’s been weighing on me is something she shared recently. During the early days of our relationship, when we were dating exclusively and I was completely loyal to her, she told me she was fooling around with a close female friend. At the same time, she’d get upset if I spent time with other girls, and out of respect for her feelings, I gave her all my attention.
It hurts to know that while I was fully invested in us, she wasn’t in the same place emotionally. She even admitted that back then, she didn’t genuinely like me in the way she said she did—which makes it even harder to come to terms with. I thought we were on the same page, but now I realize we weren’t.
She’s told me that everything changed once she truly fell in love with me, that she regrets her actions deeply, and that she’s not the same person she was back then. I believe she’s sincere, and I can see how much she’s trying.
But the truth is, I’m still struggling. That early disconnect, the emotional gap and the dishonesty, still lingers in my mind, and I haven’t fully figured out how to move past it. I want to, because I care about her deeply. But right now, it’s something I’m still trying to work through.
TL;DR:
I love her and we’ve been together for over 3 years, but ever since she admitted that during our early dating phase, while I was loyal and she acted possessive, she was fooling around with a female friend and didn’t genuinely like me the way she claimed to, I’ve been feeling distant and hurt. She says she’s changed and truly loves me now, and while I believe her, I’m still struggling to fully move past what happened.
Comments
Dude, I don’t think you need an advice.
You were cheated on, and even though it’s better to know late than never, she hid it from you for YEARS.
Most relationships don’t recover from that and you have to decide whether it’s really worth it to be with someone whom you’ll always doubt and will never ever trust as completely as you did just a little while ago. Trust’s like ceramic, once broken it’ll never be the same, no matter how pretty you glue the cracks.
You’re young and have your entire life ahead of you. Don’t fear taking drastic steps to secure a happier future out of fear of “it doesn’t get better than this” and the “I’ve already invested so much in this”.
She cheated on you while getting upset if you spent time with other women. Then deliberately lied to you for YEARS about the cheating. But suddenly feels remorse about it when she actually developed feelings for you.
You’re dating a snake. You can try to get over this, but it’ll be on your mind for the rest of the relationship.
Don’t stay with this cheater. Move on and find someone who cares about you from the beginning.
Explain to her that once a cheater always a cheater. Her duplicity arose out of a lack of a moral code and her personality defects. Or stay with her, and reconsider next time she’s cheating on you.
Your gf told you that she’s not loyal and not really honest. Even if you take her at her word, she’s telling you that she’s only loyal now because she loves you. If for some reason, that changes, she’s fine with cheating on you and not telling you. If you stay together long enough, that will eventually happen.