Hi all,
Last night, I hosted a party of all my friends including my gf. We are LDR and she flew up for the weekend to come to the party. There was about 60 people at the party.
The party started at around 7pm and by 8:30pm, my GF was horrifically drunk. She was running into people, yelling at them, knocking drinks over and not apologising and acting like an infant.
I took her to my bedroom to try and calm her down/get her some water/put her to bed. What followed was basically 2-3 hours of her yelling abuse at me. She’d say how she hated all men then how she hated me. How she wanted to fight one of my best friends. How I was crazy for trying to keep her in bed etc. I had to get some of my women friends involved to placate her and calm her down, which eventually worked. But not before she told them how beautiful they were and how as I man, I was beneath women.
Anyway, I was told later on that she also tried to hookup with another girl at the party whilst she was blackout drunk.
She’s woken up this morning with no memory of anything and cannot believe she acted that way and very apologetic.
The thing is, I can’t believe it either. Apart from last night, we are a great couple. We are planning to move to Europe next year together and aside from minor disagreements here and there, never fight and never have any real issues. I know the saying in alcohol there is truth but she says that what happened last night doesn’t make sense because she cant trace it back to anything.
Has anyone dealt with this before and recovered? She’s sworn off drinking for the foreseeable future and I’ve truely never seen her close to this drunk in the three years I’ve know her.
Would love to hear feedback particularly from anyone that has experienced something similar.
Thanks!
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Alcohol is not a friend to many. I think it’s important to note this behavior and make sure your girlfriend is well aware of her behavior. It’s on her to do what’s necessary to make sure this doesn’t happen again. She will at some point find herself in a situation she can’t recover from.
I have a really good friend who is a nasty, belligerent drunk.
The ONLY solution is a single-drink limit IF AND ONLY IF she’s the kind of person who can have one drink. Otherwise, alcohol is a total no-go.
Alcohol is a special poison to her. I don’t think I’d judge her as a person by that bad night.
She can’t drink like that ever again, though.
It’s more than fair for you to say you won’t be with her if she drinks again.
I’d dump her. Being drunk doesn’t change how you think, it just makes it easier to express it.
Capture the next time on video. I mean a lot of it. Play the whole thing back to her the next day.
She’s got the allergy bro…1 drink and you can’t stop. It won’t get any better.
OP how long have you been LDR?
If you haven’t been living together before, no matter how long you’ve been dating, y’all don’t really know the nitty gritty about each other. Not saying you have a bad relationship but people can hide things really well. You don’t know if she gets black out drunk after yall talk every night.
Some people are just mean drunks. The real test of her character is if she keeps getting that sloppy drunk, or if she takes care to never overdo it again.
I would put that European move on hold. Your LDR obviously does not give 100% view into what your gf is like under many different situations. You just saw a very unflattering side of her – might there be other questionable behaviors?
Shes 27yo. This isn’t her first time drunk.
Alcohol can turn saints into demons. You can do awful things drunk. It’s not her, it was the alcohol speaking
You move past it by ending the relationship.
Sounds like an accident. Unfortunately when alcohol is involved mistakes happen. Alcohol being a truth serum is a myth though. If she’s apologetic and watches her alcohol consumption, I’d right it off as a really bad night. Most drinkers have had at least one.
honestly id be pretty put off by the all the sexism, do you really wanna live in a matriarchy for the rest of your life?
You can’t move to another country together with someone who is like this when she drinks. She’s not going to stop drinking forever, and you don’t want to get in a situation that is difficult and expensive to get out of. Being long-distance doesn’t allow you to see how she is in real life. She’s been able to hide this part of her because you’re not in close proximity to her regularly. Sober her may be great, but drunk her will be exhausting. And isolating because no one else will want to be around it. Sorry, OP, but I personally would move on. She has some work to do, and currently, she’s not willing to admit she has a problem.
I would not stay with someone who is abusive. Just because you are a guy it’s still abuse. If that was you the cops would’ve been called and you would’ve gone to jail. It will happen again and next time you knew what you were getting into.
You leave her and move on in general is what you do.
I dated a LOT when I was younger. I always said the best way to see the true personality of your date/partner was to see them drunk. If they were a belligerent or mean drunk, that was their true self. Your GF showed you her true self-believe it!
FYI-the only man who I never saw drunk was my husband-he simply does not like to drink. We have been married over 30 years!
Maybe she’s a lesbian and can’t/won’t come out for whatever reason.
I knew a few people who would turn angry drunk. Fun night out turns into angry disruptive drunk. One is a former best friend. Other than carefully watching their alcohol intake before they cross the line, there’s nothing you can do. Good luck.
I’m saying this from a perspective of someone with alcoholic family members: think long and hard staying with her. Some alcoholics definitely work on their addiction and succeed in sobriety- but it’s lifelong work. The alcoholics in my family are also mean drunks and they are energy vampires. They don’t want to work on themselves. As an adult, I’m not in contact with them.
Is she willing to put in work for herself? Not for you. Herself. She said she’s swearing off drinking for the foreseeable future but can she see herself being a teetotaler? She may need to swear off drinking for good, not foreseeable future. She can say these things, but she needs to show action. Pump the brakes on moving with her to Europe. Her behavior will be your problem.
I said all these things assuming you don’t have alcoholic family members but if you do, you’re not ignorant to your possible future. Good luck to you.