Throwaway because my gf uses Reddit.
My (28M) girlfriend (30F) and I have been together for about 10 months now. We’ve had some ups and downs, but I see us both as pretty mature and we’ve had good communication and worked through them. I found out early-on that she is a bit of a K-Pop Stan, she’s not as obsessed as she used to be, and now only really cares about one group. I find it a bit weird, but it’s not my world, and I try to be understanding of that. She doesn’t throw herself into debt or anything to buy stuff, and she doesn’t really put it above important things in life, so I’d say it’s relatively healthy.
One thing that she’s always been weird about though is her reading. I knew early-on that she enjoyed reading, and but she voiced that she doesn’t like to have a ton of physical books, so she generally reads off her iPhone. I didn’t see anything wrong with this, didn’t think twice about it.
As time went on and we hung out with each other for longer (whole weeks/weekends) she would often want to just chill out and read. I thought this would be a good way to encourage me to read more too, so I got a book and figured we could read together sometimes. She wasn’t a huge fan, and voiced that she preferred to read in a room by herself. I saw this as strange, and we talked about it. We started reading together sometimes, but she always tended to sit in a way so I can’t see her screen. It just always seemed super weird to me… I brought it up at one point and she got super defensive, saying she didn’t want me in her periferal vision, and that me being directly on the opposite side of the phone was less distracting. I took that answer as truth, and moved on because it seemed silly to argue about…
Until more recently. I saw a message pop up on her phone from a friend of hers (who is also into K-pop, the one who got her into it, a close friend from college) where she made a comment saying something about “this is like something from one of the fan fics!”. She quickly swiped it away and didn’t acknowledge it.
I also opened her phone at one point to when she told me to order an uber with it (we both have the logins to each others phones) and it was open to duck duck go with some K-pop fan fic site with lesbian fan fic about two of the girl members in the group she likes.
So my question is, how should I approach talking about this with her? I don’t care that she reads it, it doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is that she feels the need to hide it from me. We’ve both had in depth conversations about families and getting married and having kids one day, and I want that, but I just feel weird with her going to such lengths to hide this.
TLDR: my girlfriend of 10 months is going to great lengths to hide her lesbian K-pop fanfics from me. How do I talk about this with her?
Comments
I’m of the opinion that sometimes a member of a couple can have a hobby for themselves and there’s nothing wrong with that.
You don’t. We aren’t obligated to share every single thing with our partners. If she wants to have a book or fanfic to herself that’s totally fine imo.
If you’re fine with it, then look the other way and let her have this. You don’t need to involve yourself at all.