so my sister, Ella, is in her first major relationship with a boy named Jack. they’re approaching their one year anniversary, and she’s not feeling fully comfortable with him.
they’ve had some really great moments together, where they feel happy and mutually supportive. however, he’s cheated on her in the past, and lately he doesn’t seem to be putting in much effort to maintain the relationship.
she’s leaning towards breaking up with him, but she’s not sure when or how. she’s holding out hope on the off chance he’ll change and meet here halfway, taking her boundaries into account.
now, I’m the older sister. I’ve given this guy the benefit of the doubt for quite a while already. but I love my sister, and I refuse to see her suffer. I don’t want to interfere, bc I know she can handle herself, but there’s a point where I wonder if I have to confront the boyfriend and tell him to treat her right Or Else. I refuse to see my sister hurt and believe she’s worth less than she is.
my instinct is to message her bf and basically tell him what he has to look forward to if he hurts my sister. what is the best, most diplomatic way to get my point across? bc if he doesn’t start treating her right, I’m gonna have something to do with it.
edit: I guess I should clarify. my sister is also having a lot of trouble setting boundaries. those hard lines where, if they get crossed, she leaves. she keeps moving those goalposts, and she recognizes this. and yeah I don’t want to interfere, but I think she needs some way to plant those goalposts and cut things off no matter what. I’m just not sure how to support that.
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Your last sentence here is a pretty perfect start.
Only thing I’d add is that you want to clear this as much as possible with your sister first.
You absolutely should not contact him. You need to be a listening ear and a gentle challenger for you sister. You need to reflect back to her the reality of the relationship. When she says she hopes he’ll change ask her about times he’s taken things on board, stuff like that.
It’s important to be there for your sister, and offer her feedback or advice on how to deal with the situation if she wants it. But I have no idea what you think you’ll achieve from getting involved yourself by confronting her boyfriend. It is almost definitely not going to change his mind or convince him to act differently. The more likely result is that he’ll get angry at your sister for bringing someone else into their relationship.
Just be there for her and give your opinion if she asks because you don’t want to run the risk of alienating her and pushing her towards him more. Let little sister handle her own relationship. You can’t swoop in to save her she’s going to have to save herself. She’s going to have to want to end the relationship she’s in not you.
Oh no – do not contact the bf, that’s a sure fire way of making sure they stay together!! Your sister needs to know her worth – that’s the only way she will leave him. She needs a friend telling her that good men don’t cheat, they dont make you feel shit and they contribute to a loving relationship. She’s already close to leaving him you just need to nudge her over the edge.