My ’29M’ boyfriend made a humiliating comment about my ’26F’ body at a family function?

Please be honest and give me your advice here. This is a situation that happened this weekend that has really affected me, shook me, and changed my relationship in a way I fear we cannot come back from.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and a half. We met about two years ago. Our relationship overall has been very good. We do not fight often.

This weekend, I attended his brother’s wedding which was my first time attending a huge wedding in his family. Coming into the wedding, he was stressed because he had a lot of responsibility as the best man. On the other hand, I had my own anxiety and insecurity about assimilating into the family, approval, and looking good in the various outfits that I’m wearing.

My boyfriend’s traditional indian family has made me feel insecure about my body, or things not fitting me, or whatever it may be, in the past year. Anticipating this huge wedding coming up, I worked hard for the first 6 months of this year to get more in shape. So, my body image was a pretty very sensitive topic coming in, and he knew that.

At the wedding, which spanned multiple days, things were fine between us until the final day at the reception. At that point I was finally feeling comfortable enough to talk to his family and friends and I was just happy to have made it through the week and knew that his family was happy with me.

At two points during the reception, my boyfriend came up to me and grabbed my belly rolls. He said something about how sexy I looked in my outfit, so I didn’t think much of it but still thought it was a little weird that he was squeezing my stomach in public in front of family and people who might see.

Later in the night, I was out on the dance floor, and my boyfriend was off to the side near some of the tables. We made eye contact, and he made a disgusted face and made a pregnant gesture with his hands in front of him. I immediately felt my heart drop because I was having so much fun dancing in that moment, and I immediately felt the tears coming. So, I went over to my table really quick, grabbed my purse, and left to the bathroom to try and compose myself for a few minutes. Once I came back out, I just kind of avoided him for the last 20 minutes or so of the reception. I was just doing my own thing and getting through the end.

He found me, and I said I didn’t really want to talk to him right now because I was upset by what he said, but that we could talk later and not talk about it right now, because everyone is around us. He started saying that I shouldn’t be upset and that he only did that from across the room because he thought for a moment that I was sticking my belly out the way that I was standing and it wasn’t a big deal. Obviously, that explanation didn’t make sense to me or justify the hurt I was feeling and I remained upset.

A few minutes later, my boyfriend’s two girl cousins saw me, and they could tell that I was visibly upset. They asked me what was wrong and I told them two what had happened while we took a short walk to the after party. I shed some tears and they immediately validated my feelings in that moment. When we arrived at the after party, I was like, let’s just have fun, and I just planned to hang with the girls and kind of avoid my boyfriend.

At the afterparty I was sitting with everyone, and at a point I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to the bathroom for a few minutes to compose myself, and I teared up a bit as it was hard to contain my emotions but I was really trying not to look like I just cried even though I probably did.

I came back to the table and it seemed like suddenly everyone knew what had happened. The two girl cousins had told more people. They told the bride of the actual wedding who’s my sister-in-law and then she pulled me aside to chat. I apologized incessantly for my crying and this happening on her reception night. I did not want to ruin her night. It’s literally my sister-in-law and my boyfriend’s brother’s wedding and I was humiliated. She seemed empathetic and then she went and spoke to my boyfriend for a little bit. I don’t know what that conversation entailed but I think she had my back.

About 20 minutes went by. It was nearing 1am. I was walking towards the bathroom. My boyfriend found me, grabbed my arm and said to me pretty loudly “if you keep talking to my family about our shit I’m gonna break up with you right now.” A few other people were around and may have heard.

I processed that for a few minutes and then for the rest of the night, I just continued to avoid my boyfriend. I was reeling from what he had said to me. I was confused on why he was so angry at me and shocked that he said he was going to break up with me in front of people. This was my first family wedding. I was feeling so vulnerable and he was the person I was there for and the only person that I deeply trusted in that room and he made that gesture that made me feel so humiliated, and when I reacted like a normal sensitive human being, he turned on me.

At the end of the night when we went to bed, we didn’t speak at all. I thought that was best given the alcohol, sleep deprivation, lateness, and stress. The next day, We had a car ride back home.

We talked about what happened and he took accountability for the pregnant gesture, being cruel and unnecessary. However, he also told me that it was wrong of me to confide in his cousins about what had happened. He told me I should never bring anything between us to his family. I understand where he is coming from and his embarassment. I also understand privacy in a relationship and abide by this principal as well- if we have a fight in our day-to-day life, I’m not bringing it to his family.

However, in that moment of emotionally overwhelm at his family wedding, about my body, I was literally not able to contain my sadness. They of course, caught on and were upset for me. He said the escalation of his anger leading to the breakup comment was all because other people now knew. He said that he knows his family and that this changed the way that they perceive us in our relationship and created doubt. This made me feel horrible obviously and ashamed. He also said that it wasnt right for us to do this at his brother’s wedding. but that’s the thing- I didn’t do anything.

What do you think of this? I don’t know how to proceed at this point. I am trying to be fair and take into account Lots of alcohol, lack of sleep, and a high stress environment. I feel so much humiliation and shame that the details of his comment on my body were revealed to a lot of his cousins, and that I was involved in a situation like this during an important family event. My only fault I think here was reacting, but I don’t think I could’ve bottled it up for the rest of the night.