What’s up y’all. Nobody knows I’m on Reddit, so don’t have to have a throw-away or anything like that. Not much of a poster, more a lurker, but I thought this community could use some… hope? Some assurance that the world is okay and that there are good people and that life will continue and we will all persevere. Oblige me and my ramblings, please 🙂
After a 3.5 year relationship with no issues, no fights, no roadblocks, no obstacles, my (25) partner (24) broke up with me. There was no warning, no inclination that something was wrong. When I did a real-ass relationship check in (about 2-3 serious times per year) nothing was brought up. And when my partner hit me with the desire to break up, they broke down.
The most display of any negative emotion I had ever seen from them, between the year or so we were friends and the nearly 4 we’ve dated.
The long and short of their explanation is as follows: They love me so much, they cannot imagine their life without me, but they are unhappy with the way they are living their life and believe that we aren’t romantically compatible anymore. They “haven’t been in it romantically” and they “don’t know if or how that would change.” However, they were unable to present examples or true explanations to these notions. Whenever I brought up talking it out, making productive changes, going to counseling together or separately, they began to close up. What they insisted was the case, that they loved me and that they didn’t want me out of their life or that we “really are compatible,” and their reaction to my openness and willingness to work together, were saying two different things. In the end, I didn’t truly get a straight answer, and I asked them to leave my home.
Our friends are shared. My friends that I knew are my partner’s, and vice versa. And they did not talk to anybody. Not their roommate, not their friend of over a decade, not their parents, not any of our shared friends. My partner (ex?) is generally a very down to earth, reasonable person; this whole exchange was, is, extremely out of character for them. We were all worried for their mental health, and their roommate is keeping an eye on them in the coming weeks.
As a teacher, I was able to call out of work the next two days. The morning after, I went out to a beach in my area where spray-painting is allowed, and for 6 hours I created art, shared my paint with passersby, and allowed myself space and time to think. It has been a week after, now, and here are my thoughts…
If this partner had been toxic, or terrible, or problematic, or whatever the case may be, perhaps I wouldn’t be taking this all so in stride. But at the end of the day, a person that I love does not have the tools or language to articulate the doubts that are plaguing their mind; as a masc person, this person has been taught to bottle everything up, to let things fester. And at some point or another, we all learn that it is always better to talk things out instead of leaving it all up to ourselves, in our own scared and primal and complex little human minds. And oftentimes, it hurts. I have more than once learned my lesson in the areas of open and honest communication, I know what my partner is going through.
It makes me so sad to see them backed into a corner. Because I’ve been there. That is the shared human experience, to be beset by the doubts beget from our own minds that form some insurmountable behemoth. Through many means (for me it was simply talk therapy) we all learn to take up the sword or the rope and move forward. In this case, honest word be the sword. And you cannot fault the well-meaning for being felled without a blade; but should they return and arm themselves, they can change the outcome.
However, the person who has already climbed the mountain, slayed the beast, cannot throw down their sword. The well-meaning must forge their own.
I will love and support this person, because they are loved and important to me, and nobody is perfect. Whether our association will be platonic, or continue on romantically, is still shrouded in chaos. Time will tell and time will heal.
Everything will be okay.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: What’s up y’all. Nobody knows I’m on Reddit, so don’t have to have a throw-away or anything like that. Not much of a poster, more a lurker, but I thought this community could use some… hope? Some assurance that the world is okay and that there are good people and that life will continue and we will all persevere. Oblige me and my ramblings, please 🙂
After a 3.5 year relationship with no issues, no fights, no roadblocks, no obstacles, my partner broke up with me. There was no warning, no inclination that something was wrong. When I did a real-ass relationship check in (about 2-3 serious times per year) nothing was brought up. And when my partner hit me with the desire to break up, they broke down.
The most display of any negative emotion I had ever seen from them, between the year or so we were friends and the nearly 4 we’ve dated.
The long and short of their explanation is as follows: They love me so much, they cannot imagine their life without me, but they are unhappy with the way they are living their life and believe that we aren’t romantically compatible anymore. They “haven’t been in it romantically” and they “don’t know if or how that would change.” However, they were unable to present examples or true explanations to these notions. Whenever I brought up talking it out, making productive changes, going to counseling together or separately, they began to close up. What they insisted was the case, that they loved me and that they didn’t want me out of their life or that we “really are compatible,” and their reaction to my openness and willingness to work together, were saying two different things. In the end, I didn’t truly get a straight answer, and I asked him to leave my home.
Our friends are shared. My friends that I knew are my partner’s, and vice versa. And they did not talk to anybody. Not their roommate, not their friend of over a decade, not their parents, not any of our shared friends. My partner (ex?) is generally a very down to earth, reasonable person; this whole exchange was, is, extremely out of character for them. We were all worried for their mental health, and their roommate is keeping an eye on them in the coming weeks.
As a teacher, I was able to call out of work the next two days. The morning after, I went out to a beach in my area where spray-painting is allowed, and for 6 hours I created art, shared my paint with passersby, and allowed myself space and time to think. It has been a week after, now, and here are my thoughts…
If this partner had been toxic, or terrible, or problematic, or whatever the case may be, perhaps I wouldn’t be taking this all so in stride. But at the end of the day, a person that I love does not have the tools or language to articulate the doubts that are plaguing their mind; as a masc person, this person has been taught to bottle everything up, to let things fester. And at some point or another, we all learn that it is always better to talk things out instead of leaving it all up to ourselves, in our own scared and primal and complex little human minds. And oftentimes, it hurts. I have more than once learned my lesson in the areas of open and honest communication, I know what my partner is going through.
It makes me so sad to see them backed into a corner. Because I’ve been there. That is the shared human experience, to be beset by the doubts beget from our own minds that form some insurmountable behemoth. Through many means (for me it was simply talk therapy) we all learn to take up the sword or the rope and move forward. In this case, honest word be the sword. And you cannot fault the well-meaning for being felled without a blade; but should they return and arm themselves, they can change the outcome.
However, the person who has already climbed the mountain, slayed the beast, cannot throw down their sword. The well-meaning must forge their own.
I will love and support this person, because they are loved and important to me, and nobody is perfect. Whether our association will be platonic, or continue on romantically, is still shrouded in chaos. Time will tell and time will heal.
Everything will be okay.
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K
Aww. Sorry OP. Seems like they are no longer attracted to you or have meet someone else that they are interested in.