My boyfriend (35M) and I (30F) have been together for about a year. Last weekend, we went on a short trip together and honestly, it went really well. We had fun, we got along, and there were no arguments or tension. I left the weekend thinking things were in a good place between us. We even had plans for the following weekend.
But after I got home, he completely stopped responding to me. I texted him, called him, and got no reply at all for several days. I started to genuinely worry something was wrong…either with him or with his family. So I went to his apartment to check on him.
He answered the door, but refused to tell me what was going on. He said he was “dealing with something” that he didn’t want to talk about at that moment. He said we would talk later to clear the air. He also said he didn’t appreciate me showing up unannounced and that if I had texted first (I did), he would’ve told me not to come.
When I asked if something was wrong, he said he was fine, his family was fine, and that whatever he was dealing with had “nothing to do with our relationship.” He added that he didn’t want to break up otherwise, he would’ve just said so.
Since then, I’ve been trying to make sense of it. From my perspective, things were going well. We had a great weekend, and then suddenly I was completely cut off with no explanation. When we finally spoke, he still wouldn’t give me any clarity.
I’ve been feeling hurt, confused, and anxious. It feels like I’m doing all the emotional labor and trying to hold everything together on my own. I’m starting to question if this relationship is healthy or if I’m just holding onto the idea of what it could be.
I’m trying to figure out how to even start this conversation if it actually happens. I want to understand why someone would shut down like this and whether there’s a healthy way to respond without losing myself in the process.
TLDR
My (30F) boyfriend (35M) and I had a great weekend trip together. After that, he completely ghosted me for a full week…ignored texts, calls, everything. I ended up showing up at his place out of concern. He said he was “going through something,” that it had nothing to do with our relationship, and that we’d talk later. I’m confused, hurt, and questioning how to even approach this conversation if he does finally talk.
Comments
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Absolutely not. You need to walk away from this. Whatever it is, it isn’t worth your time to figure it out. When something goes wrong the first person you should want to talk to is your partner. He’s letting you know that without any communication he can pause your relationship whenever he wants. Don’t let anyone treat you like that.
A year? That’s insane. Is he avoidant? Why is he not opening up? It sounds like games. Time will tell. Respect his space and let him pursue you but just work on yourself and mind and peace. Put yourself first.
Open truthful communication is fundamental in a relationship. That key piece missing is Red Flag. Take hint sooner rather than later.
Yeah, break up with him. That’s a wild thing to do.
Consider this a blessing and walk away! Dont respond to any texts, emails or calls ! This is VERY childish behavior and totally NOT acceptable!!!
This would be a relationship ender for me. What he’s doing is cruel.
Please ghost and run. This guy is shady. You don’t need him. He’s probably Dealing with figuring out how to end his other relationship or how to hide that you’re his side piece.
Whatever he’s dealing with if he can’t trust you enough to tell you or even give you the respect of letting you know he won’t be able to talk for a few days then it isn’t a relationship worth chasing. Don’t waste your time with a time waster
This is one of those situations where you have to accept that it is not at all you, it’s entirely him. He’s really immature and inconsiderate to treat you this way. It’s completely unacceptable behavior. And if he’s capable of it once he will do it again. You need to walk away and be grateful you don’t waste any more time with him.
Ma’am he’s in the middle of planning his wedding!
Jk Just block and walk away. I’m not a chatty person. Or even a talk every day gal. But nothing for a week?
You’d best be dead
There is nothing to work out here. Let’s say he’s not cheating, he doesn’t turn to you for support. He expects to put his relationship on freeze for however long the bs lasts.
One month? One year? Have a good cry. Dump his stuff on his door step (ring the doorbell to let someone know to take it and take a photo of his stuff on the stoop, not the person themselves).
Be glad this isn’t your future. In labour with his baby? Sorry babes, mummy can’t find her left arse cheek so no-one leaves until it’s found!
Actually, I change my answer.
See my comment below. And you’re response is ‘if I’m not your partner after a year, the do what you have to do’. And stop reaching out.
A year?
After a year of a cmotted relationship, this is how he acts?
Don’t reach out again.
DO NOT reach out again
Anyone that does this to you is not someone you need in your life. Even if he is going through/dealing with something, he owed you at the very least, an “Hey, I’m gonna be MIA for a bit, we can talk when I’m on the other side of it”. He not only didn’t give you that, he got mad when you, rightly so, checked on his well being. Block him and move on. It doesn’t matter what his current struggle is. He didn’t trust you enough to give you the most basic courtesy.
It’s super common for people to break up following a trip, something like half of all couples break up after their first trip together. Do with that info what you will
Whatever he is dealing with doesn’t give him the right to treat you like this.
If someone was blowing me off and told me they didn’t appreciate me checking on them, I’d end it there.
I mean, it just doesn’t add up. What kind of “something” could be so big he couldn’t spare a minute to let you know?
Nobody that cares about you would treat you like that without explanation. If he won’t tell the details it’s probably because you wouldn’t react well to the details.
I would just thank him for everything but let him know you wanted an HONEST relationship. And accent the past tense.
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
I hate to break it to you, but your boyfriend has the emotional maturity of a toddler. The good news is, he showed you this part of him before you got married or had kids together.
It’s time to walk away. No explanation he could ever give you would make his actions ok. Don’t give him a chance to make up an explanation. Block and move on.
Tell him that you want to break up unless he explains- as he said he would. If he doesn’t- you would be best to break up with him. Communication is a big factor in alot of break up. You don’t want to invest more time and emotional energy into a relationship that is bound to fail. Good luck.
Learn to let people like this go.
If at 35 he hasn’t figured out how to communicate properly, he’s not worth the bother. This isn’t someone you can rely on as a partner.
Updateme
The way he is acting is inappropriate and unfair to you. You at least deserved a “im alive and fine but i have something serious going on that i can’t talk about right now”. That still doesn’t sound like any reason to go 100% ghost though. Give him the space, if he comes back he comes back, if he doesn’t maybe reconsider if this is a relationship that’s worth your energy
I wouldn’t even wait around for him to suddenly want to talk to you about this, I would send him a break up text since he isn’t answering your calls nor want you around and then block him on everything. It will suck and hurt but you will be better off in the long run. This is not a healthy relationship.
You really have to come on here and ask reddit? RUN! It’s going to be hard I know, but it’s going to happen again if you accept it once. The only thing you can do is leave and if you truly, truly, truly, want him back show him that it’s not ok for you to be treated that way after breaking up for some months.
Showing up to his house is wild af. Please DON’T EVER DO THAT AGAIN.
UpdateMe
This is odd behavior from someone you have been dating for a year. Have you been exclusive for the past year or just casually dating?
You guys met up the following weekend and he still didn’t share what was going on? Did he say he was still working on it?
Tell him that you don’t want him pushing you away. That you are there to help him with whatever he is going through. Give it a little more time if you value the relationship but I would expect to know soon what’s going on.
I’m surprised no one here has suggested what’s most likely happening: your boyfriend has an avoidant attachment.
people with avoidant attachment desire a loving relationship like everyone else, but due to (usually) trauma, once a relationship starts going a little too well and commitment is looming on the horizon, their nervous system freaks out and sees that closeness as a threat. they start picking you apart in their mind, seeing you as a threat to their independence. they convince themselves you are the problem and can’t see that the actual problem is their fear of intimacy.
it could be possible he just fell out of love, but considering the fact you said he just disappeared after a great vacation – that reeks of an avoidant discard.
unfortunately, you are most likely going to have to let him go. it is impossible to make a relationship with an unhealed avoidant work. if they do change, it won’t be for you. People can inspire others to change, but ultimately, if someone changes it is because they made that decision for themselves – and even if that is something he chooses, it usually requires years of therapy, considering he didn’t develop this attachment style overnight. if either of you try to force this, you will end up resenting each other. if he won’t address his own feelings, needs, and fears – then he won’t address yours, either.
I know it’s going to be impossible to accept this right now, but the best option is to let him go and find someone who isn’t afraid of intimacy and communication. you deserve better.
I would suggest searching “attachment theory”, “anxious attachment”, and “avoidant attachment” on here to learn more.
Move along. There is nothing to understand. He doesn’t care about you and he’s made that perfectly clear. Respect yourself and move on.
Walk away. This is so disrespectful and there’s a super slim shot he couldn’t have just sent you a text message. I mean he could get up to answer the door, right?
If a boyfriend ghosted me for a week, I’d consider myself single.
He’s not much of a partner. You’re free to find a better one. Go be with someone who matches your energy.
You should have some self-respect and block him everywhere.
I understand you were anxious, something could have happened to him. The moment he opened the door and you saw he was alive and well was the moment you should have left and forget his number. He doesn’t get to be in a relationship with someone he completely ignored for a week.
He just spent the weekend with you. Let him breathe.
Whoever puts less effort into any relationship, wears the pants.
Always match or underscore your partner’s energy. Never surpass it.
Keep your dignity.
Your boyfriend is an avoidant. Please learn about attachment styles. You need to understand the context of what’s happening, and what it means for you in the relationship moving forward. He is likely deactivated after experiencing emotional intimacy, this is common with avoidance. It’s common with 2 insecure attachment styles, and yet entirely unacceptable to go someone for a week.
You will feel a LOT better long-term if you… make the decision that you want no part of this and Nope Out, saying enough of this nonsense is enough.
Not the way to have a relationship. Ever.