My husband and I are a very caring/loving couple 90% of the time. But if I ever make a mistake or hurt him, he’ll totally write me off as a bad person that never cares about him. Even when I’m willing to accept my mistake and apologize. For example if I snap at him when I’m overwhelmed he’ll act like I do that alll the time and say these broad statements like “oh you’re just rude but I’ve learned to live with it” or “your just not strong enough to make any important decisions” etc. and then it usually goes like this: I’ll try to defend myself and get worked up, he’ll stay on his high horse as if he’s doing me a favour by sticking around when I’m so “horrible” and then eventually he’ll come by and try to make me laugh or get me a treat and pretend everything’s normal. Usually I give in bc I think oh look he’s trying to make amends even though he was originally hurt. But this time I just can’t let go, he opened his arms for a hug and I said “no thanks” and walked away. He’s since stopped trying as well. It’s been a few days of distance and it’s killing me. I don’t know what I’m expecting to happen. How do I stop this cycle from continuing?
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Marriage counseling, you go if he refuses.
This is abuse. Please look up online resources for verbal abuse and see if your relationship fits that profile.
Op I’m sorry but I’d end the relationship. This sounds exhausting and leaving seems to be the only solution that I can see that will end this cycle. There’s way too many instances here that points to emotional abuse and manipulation to control you by not allowing you to have normal reactions to his behavior. It’s a form of control by making you think that any reaction at all, even if it’s a little one, is wrong. You’re allowed to have your feelings and are allowed to respond. Your responses aren’t over the top or undeserved to his behaviors. He’s just trying to make you think that they are.
That’s why I feel that it would be a good idea for you to just leave him and move on. Because it’ll only get worse.
By leaving him.