For context, my husband is in this tight knit group of guys he played sports with in school. We’ve been attending numerous weddings amongst the friend group. The gfs/fiancés/wives all got along fine. I was the only non-white person in the group until this friend introduced us to his gf, the latest addition to the larger friend group. She’s from my ethnic and cultural background. I didn’t expect us to be instant besties because of our shared background, but certainly didn’t expect this level of distance.
For example, if the group of girls are standing together chatting with each other, and I show up, everyone would say hi to me but she’d physically turn her back to me and won’t respond even if I specifically say hi to her.
When we are on the dance floor together she’d also grab the other girls away from me. At the same time she’s overall a bubbly person and very friendly with everyone else.
Her behavior feels unwarranted and hurtful and I don’t know how to handle this. Her bf is still very sweet to me and have a strong friendship with my husband, so I don’t want to ruin this part. I very carefully brought up how she made me feel with my husband seeking advice, but apparently she’s giving my husband the same treatment too.
I have done some introspection on whether we could have offended her somehow but we barely met her. I feel like withdrawing from group interactions when she’s present now because I want to avoid the awkwardness, but I still want to be friends with the other girls.
How can I get over this awkwardness and handle it with grace? Thank you in advance for the advice!
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Do NOT distance yourself from the whole group because of this 1 person.
Ask the other girls if they notice it? Ask them if she’s said anything eg if you accidentally offended her or anything.
Get the other girls advice on how you should approach her.
Then pull her aside and tell her the behaviour you’ve noticed, give her examples and ask her why she does that.
The reason I ask you to ask the other girls is just in case anything goes wrong the other girls will know it was NOT you. You did not start this and you’re just trying to understand why she’s intentionally isolating you from the group. If the girls did not notice the behaviour before, once you mention to them they’ll start noticing it too.
She’s almost 30 and hasn’t attempted any kind of communication regarding an issue. You can’t change people, and some people are just weirdos. Leave her be. Instead, focus on the other people with whom you already have a friendship with.
Of course you can try to talk to her and figure out her issue, but I doubt that she is actually interested in that. She wants you out. Sometimes the best reaction you can give is no reaction at all.
Plan something for your friends. One day one will spill the beans. Until then- give her the cold shoulder as well.
Personally I hate „mean girls games“ like this and choose not to participate.