tl;dr – neighbor always assumes I’m free to help fix things for her. When she has parties, she assumes I’m busy. Considering I live next to her, how best to address this without coming across as confrontational/burning bridges? She’s recently lost her mom, so she may be emotionally fragile right now.
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I posted about this situation a few days ago in another sub. However, I just realized why a simple slight has bothered me so much.
I live near two neighbors (husband/wife in one and Marie in the other). Last week was the wife’s birthday, so I got her a present and wished her happy birthday. Only to realize they were all getting together that night to hang out, have cake, etc., without me.
I’m usually not bothered by being left out – I’m pretty quiet/reserved, so it really shouldn’t have upset me so much.
Today I realized I was so upset because Marie’s only excuse was ‘we thought you’d be busy’
Marie never assumes I’m busy when she needs my help. With the most mundane shit imaginable. Watering plants, opening air vents (she is short), fixing computers/email, and fixing other random things. It’s almost never a ‘whenever you are free’ – it’s ‘can you come over right now?’
Anyways. It just sucks realizing the assumption is I’m free when she needs something, but I’m busy if they’re getting together for fun.
I’m not very comfortable with confrontation, so I’m unsure how best to handle this. A letter feels passive-aggressive. Starting game night with this feels like a mood killer. I live next to these people, so burning a bridge I cross every day seems like a horrible idea.
I do feel bad – she’s lost her mom recently, and is a widow. However, I’m unmarried and lost my parents at a young age.. She also has two sisters and a ton of cousins/nieces/nephews to help with things. I have no one.
My patience is admittedly wearing thin.
Comments
I would send this. She’ll either stop calling you to do tasks for her or she’ll include you in social things
“I would like you to think about something. I usually come over promptly when you ask for help with something, correct? So why did you assume I’m too busy to come over when cake and a nice chat is involved?” 😉
She’s 50 not 15. Losing a parent can be hard at any age, but that’s no excuse.
She is using you. Personally, I’d start declining her requests for help. You also don’t owe her a reason if you don’t want the confrontation. “I can’t” is simple and anything beyond that is none of her business.
That said, I seriously doubt there are any options here that won’t end in some sort of confrontation.